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-   -   Self Acceptance (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/self-acceptance-1506538/)

dotBSC 06-15-2015 04:04 PM

Self Acceptance
 
That's a really important topic and I've felt some inspiration to create a topic for it so it could help others as well. :)

The thing is, most of our anxiety and depression related negativity really comes down to not accepting ourselves. We "need" acceptance from others and we "need" to meet other peoples standards in order for us to feel happy. In other words, we constantly "need" to prove for ourselves that we are worthy. When we get desperate enough to the point where another person's (even stranger's possibly) reaction to us determines how worthy we feel about themselves, then inevitably we will feel bad about ourselves and shouldn't be a surprise for us to experience more and more rejections.
Think about it, if you were a super self confident person who is approached by someone who links their self worth to your response to him (it's not that hard to notice), would you really be fascinated by his company? First, in a way he is trying to use you for his own selfish needs, moreover, it's really hard to trust and get to know the genuine side of such person cause he will constantly be covering up for his all little faults and telling whole kinds of little lies in order to make himself look "better" in your eyes, which will only distant himself further away.

So is it harmful and sabotaging not to accept yourself? It's obvious that it is, right? Now consider this, what BAD would happen if you would actually accept yourself the way you are right now? Anything.. nothing? What stops you from doing so?
For people who believe in God, the goal should be to accept themselves as a soul, and soul by itself is obviously "worthy" no matter who you are as a person, while atheist can see it as everyone is unique and special, therefore they are "worthy" no matter the circumstances. And again, what are the disadvantages of accepting yourself with all your current flaws?

dotBSC 06-19-2015 08:44 AM

Wow, I expected at least a couple of responses given the topic. :blank

Hylar 06-19-2015 09:12 AM

I agree with your post :) I think self acceptance is one of the most important things you can learn. Though even when you know this, it can be hard to change your habitual thought patterns, the ones where you're putting yourself down all the time, and replace them with a more positive thought process. It doesn't even have to be 'positive', it can just be a form of accepting yourself, just as you are right now, and being okay with that. Besides, you are only you in the end, nothing more and nothing less. No matter what you wish you could or should be, it doesn't change a thing about who you are right now.

Mysteriis 06-19-2015 10:21 AM

i saw video of someone saying that social anxiety is all about self shamed.i still don't know if this is true or even if you just accepted yourself,will the anxiety disappear or it will take some training?

Ruch247 06-19-2015 11:16 AM

Nothingness.
 
Sounds like spiritual imbalance

A fair problem with a temporary solution.

"what BAD would happen if you would actually accept yourself the way you are right now?"

************************************************** *******
______
|[ ;-;]|
====
====
====
====^^^^^^^^^^^^

************************************************** *******

The road to raw self acceptance from raw denial is..... a 'fickle' thing.

What more bout the

transformation
of self acceptance
of denial

??

You don't journey into the 'dark woods' without having the feeling you're being watched by 'something ominous'

'selve axeptansss'
'Denyialzzzzz'

That is their mantra... power.

IT is something everyone should overcome else

your grief will be... nothing...

Nothing 'good nor evil' comes out of grief.

Only the unconscious, unaware, 'feeling of pliability'.

And that 'ominous feeling' will continue to speak...

Until you'll eventually become a part of it.

And
the you
the me
the i
will. basically. become a it...
...
...
...
A creature who dulled themselves of such feelings
...
Sympathy
Empathy
...
Is
A
needy
greedy
..........victim...
...
A poor *cough* jerk
...
a [monster]
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
A troll
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........
Don't give fools everything else they WILL take EVERYTHING.
That IS why a burglar won't be satisfied to any discernible thing they CAN take from their victims.



*sigh* finally. *cough* cough* cough* cough* cough*

Pardon my cough,

I'm allergic to wisdom.

*cough*

Maybe cut Jaden Smith some slack now.

That would be a humble start.

MUCH can be learned being humble.

And when
there is learning
there's.... transformation.

What do you think Jaden Smith is doing.

NE2 06-19-2015 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dotBSC (Post 1080592882)
what BAD would happen if you would actually accept yourself the way you are right now?

Going by personal experience, I'd stagnate another ten years and end up with a horrible midlife crisis at 41. It's bad enough being 31 and trying to do all the things I never did growing up.

lali 06-19-2015 12:33 PM

Over the past few years I have largely accepted myself and all the limitations with the anxiety. I know I can't function in social situations, that I won't ever be able to maintain friends and socialise with people properly and have relationships. It's meant I have fewer depressive episodes now I'm not fighting myself all the time.

The problem I have is the whole acceptance vs. giving into anxiety thing. Am I accepting myself for who I am or am I just giving in because it's easier than pushing myself to do things I find difficult? I don't know, I worry I'll wake up in 20 years time and wish I'd fought harder to have a "normal" life and regret missing out

Ruch247 06-19-2015 01:45 PM

Hubris, pride, egotism or whatever the frack it is, is. *sigh*. A terrible thing
 
*sigh*. I do apologize for the stuff I said. I got too passionate fueled by silent frustration, my repulsive guilt on how the way I see things. That won't happen again, not if I can help it.

*********************************************
_____
|[ -_.]
====\^^^^^^^^^^^^
====^^^^^^^^^^^^^

*********************************************

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
______^^^^^^^^^^^^^
|[-_- ]|^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=====^^^^^^^^^^^^
=====^^^^^^^^^^^^

*********************************************

valgal123 06-19-2015 04:42 PM

Mysteriis, yes I believe social anxiety is developed from self shame.

I've realized that my shame came first, and it evolved naturally into the anxiety.

Ive always been ashamed of myself in every possible way. Even the little things like breathing, sneezing, coughing, and so on. Ashamed for being human.

Reading brene browns books have helped me understand people and the shame that we all feel, and what makes a person able to be shame resilient.

Ruch247 06-20-2015 01:16 AM

And yet another humble post.
 
And self shame is a feeling bolstered by strangers that feels 'self-shamed, humiliated' ALL the time!

Basically they ran their whole life from all kinds of humiliation, their source of fear.

And overcoming fear is something a MUST for me else the *supressed cough*

Ones in my life will.... *sigh*... needlessly perish because I talk.

I believe and acknowledge the power of speech
They believe but DON'T acknowledge the power of speech.

************************************************** *******

Our national hero is named
Jose Rizal who ended the Spanish rule
With a *cough* simple pen and *cough* and a measly paper.
_( '_')/

'ominous feeling,
from strangers'

/(*.* )\

"The power of pen and paper... Is only as good as how you use it,
and to what purpose you use it.*-_-*. And ALL the other whos."
-i, me, you

*sigh* seriously there's ALOT of vanity words in the English language. Just a note why this writing is strange.

************************************************** *******


And usually when you talk

people get annoyed, angst, angry, etc.

It just means what you're saying is..... the truth....... their truth....
And your truth. Not exclusively in that order.

dotBSC 06-21-2015 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NE2 (Post 1080652378)
Going by personal experience, I'd stagnate another ten years and end up with a horrible midlife crisis at 41. It's bad enough being 31 and trying to do all the things I never did growing up.

Well...
If you could accept yourself as you are, you wouldn't worry about others taking this away from you (someone's rejection wouldn't make you question your self worth, you would feel happy as you are, yet still motivated in improving yourself), therefore you would be confident enough to do these things whenever you are ready for them.

caveman8 06-21-2015 12:10 PM

I think self-acceptance doesn't preclude you from still looking to others for validation. Two different things.

dotBSC 06-21-2015 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caveman8 (Post 1080683490)
I think self-acceptance doesn't preclude you from still looking to others for validation. Two different things.

failing to get validation (be rejected) can mean 2 different things.

for one person rejection is a minor setback or a road for improvement from which he learns, while another takes it so personally that he begins to question his self worth (meaning he doesn't accept himself as he is and is constantly trying to prove himself that he is 'better'/'acceptable' miserably failing in it).

Farideh 06-21-2015 12:30 PM

If I don't have a crush on that person, I could really give less of a crap what she thinks of me.

dotBSC 06-21-2015 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farideh (Post 1080683698)
If I don't have a crush on that person, I could really give less of a crap what she thinks of me.

you see the 'social anxiety' itself as a term implies about too much caring what others think of you. I'am not saying that it's impossible to have social anxiety if you accept yourself, but you would certainly stop caring about it so much and wouldn't think about yourself as a less of a person than some random Joe (feeling comfortable in your skin the way you are right now), which in itself is enough of a self-esteem drive to prevent depression and feelings alike. And would you rather get rid of the SA and be unhappy for million other reasons OR be happy having the SA?

Farideh 06-21-2015 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dotBSC (Post 1080683834)
you see the 'social anxiety' itself as a term implies about too much caring what others think of you. I'am not saying that it's impossible to have social anxiety if you accept yourself, but you would certainly stop caring about it so much and wouldn't think about yourself as a less of a person than some random Joe (feeling comfortable the way you are right now and challenging your shortcomings with passion), which in itself is enough of a self-esteem drive to prevent depression and feelings alike.

What do you mean? My self esteem only depends on who I'm romantically interested in. Social anxiety is not linked to my self esteem problems. My self esteem is all about looks. My social anxiety comes from not being able to hold a conversation yet join one based from lack of knowledge on whatever topic is being discussed.

dotBSC 06-21-2015 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farideh (Post 1080683898)
What do you mean? My self esteem only depends on who I'm romantically interested in. Social anxiety is not linked to my self esteem problems. My self esteem is all about looks. My social anxiety comes from not being able to hold a conversation yet join one based from lack of knowledge on whatever topic is being discussed.

Wait, so you don't accept the way you look? Well that's your answer then.

aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 06-21-2015 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dotBSC (Post 1080592882)
So is it harmful and sabotaging not to accept yourself? It's obvious that it is, right? Now consider this, what BAD would happen if you would actually accept yourself the way you are right now? Anything.. nothing? What stops you from doing so?

What good happens if I accept myself? I do it more or less, but normals don't like quiet, weird people. I get reminded of this each time I find myself in a group of people I don't know.

dotBSC 06-21-2015 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedevilsblood (Post 1080683970)
What good happens if I accept myself? I do it more or less, but normals don't like quiet, weird people. I get reminded of this each time I find myself in a group of people I don't know.

What happens is you stop desperately seeking acceptance from others and start acting naturally which would dramatically help you to improve your social skills and deal with rejections. Sounds good enough to me. :p

aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 06-21-2015 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dotBSC (Post 1080684074)
What happens is you stop desperately seeking acceptance from others and start acting naturally which would dramatically help you to improve your social skills and deal with rejections. Sounds good enough to me. :p

Acting naturally doesn't mean you will automatically become a social person or more extroverted. It doesn't mean either that you will accept rejection more easily. If you accept yourself completely you may also have to accept that your personality doesn't blend well with society and accept the loneliness that comes with it. I doubt a lot of people are mentally strong enough to accept the fact that they will never experience love and die alone.


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