I suffered from SAD since the age of 16 till today (26 years old). I struggle with being overly aware of my facial expressions. The most typical situation is: I am too self-aware, then canīt naturally smile, and from there I start a vicious circle of "others think Im too serious, being serious is the worst u can look..." and so I end up being more depressed and less able to SMILE. In this vicious circle everything is dark and depressing.
The worst feeling it has been this last year, where I started to be self concious around my close family (bros and parents). When I go to visit them lately I am very unconfortable all the time around them. They know about my social anxiety since 10 months ago but they think Im much better now, which is not really the case. My head gets in loops/obsessed all the time thinking that they are finding out I canīt smile with them, that Im serious... I end up using avoidance tricks to hide it (which probably makes the anxiety/loop worst) like keeping busy eating, giving some fake smiles, or half laughing some times. The entire situation around my family is very uncofortable. I fear they would find out I canīt smile/laugh naturally with them, because if they found out I would be getting more attention on that and that scares me.
Also I feel ultra ashamed of not being natural on something like smiling, and even more around your family.
NOTE: I know is all in my head as I can smile a lot if Im confortable (rarely lately around people), and I do have a good sense of humour, enjoy laughing when I donīt pressure myself. But the fear that others find out or that they think Im serious scares me like crazy to the point that I go in crazy loops whenever I intract with people and feels so DEPRESSING, canīt enjoy any human interactions. I would appreciate some help.