S.A has completely destroyed my life, and I mean completely.
I can't get a proper job, I can barely cope in the job I've got which means I run out of money before the end of the month and my parents have to subsidise me, which is demeaning.
College, just thinking about college makes me want to cry. It might as well be a freakshow. I literally CAN NOT do it, it feels like I can't but in theory I can and want to, thats why I'm there but at the same time I can't
three Universities have offered me a conditional place based on the UCAS application I sent, I know that I'll struggle there so it's bittersweet.
I can't have relationships even if my heart ACHES for someone or I feel burning passion it goes nowhere, I hate to say to them 'I do like you but I have S.A' cos I don't think men will be sympathetic.
There are even places I simply cannot go, streets I can't walk down, routes I can't take, shops I can't go into.
Everything feels like a risk. My S.A can't really get any worse than it is, it's extremely hard to live this way. Extremely hard on the soul.
I've tried affirmations, there wasn't any concrete result to that. Self-helps books definately helped. I'm miffed that my CBT appointment hasn't come through yet cos I just can't live this way, it's heartbreaking.
The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be continually afraid of making one-Elbert Hubbard