SA really screwed up pretty much every aspect of my life - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 04:31 AM Thread Starter
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SA really screwed up pretty much every aspect of my life


I was just thinking about how SA has affected my life.

Professionally if I wasnt so concerned with the opinions of others I'd probably a lot further than I am now im my career. I was more skilled, experienced and smarter than a lot of the other people that I worked with but because I was worried about others opinions I wouldnt go for promotions or higher paying positions.

Socially I've done OK but I havent really pursued the relationships and friends that I've wanted because I was, again, too scared. I should've dated a lot more girls than I have and should've had more friends.

Now that I feel that Im past SA about 85% I feel like this will allow me to do the things that I want to do with my life.

I've been out of work for a while and when I get back to work I feel like I'll take more initiative in my career and work to get the things that I've always wanted. I've already started meeting more people and have met a lot more girls than I ever have in the past.

Its amazing how much of a hinderance SA has been on my life but now that Im not so constrained by others opinions I feel like I can get more out of life than I ever could have with SA.

I'm sure you all have similar stories about how SA has stopped you from doing things that you've always wanted to do.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 08:14 AM
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SA has taken so much from me I couldn't even begin to list it all. Realizing this has help motivate me to try and get better. I have started using the "Over Coming Social Anxiety Step by Step" audio series. It seems like it has potential be only time will tell.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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SA has taken so much from me I couldn't even begin to list it all. Realizing this has help motivate me to try and get better. I have started using the "Over Coming Social Anxiety Step by Step" audio series. It seems like it has potential be only time will tell.
I tried that one. Personally it didnt do anything for me. Zip, zilch, nada.

I was doing those little affirmations till I was blue in the face.

I would suggest checking out "The Blueprint Decoded" by Real Social Dynamics. That program has helped me so much, its completely changed my life. Check it out, you might like it. Its online for free if you google the torrent.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 09:58 AM
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I've been trying the 'Overcoming Social Anxiety' audio tapes....still hard to stick with it. I think I'll take a look at "The Blue Print Decoded"...hope you all have a good day.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 10:21 AM
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Hmm


"Socially I've done OK but I havent really pursued the relationships and friends that I've wanted because I was, again, too scared. I should've dated a lot more girls than I have and should've had more friends. "

Socially you've "done OK"? By whose standards? There's no "ideal" way to be socially. Are you saying you want to experience more social opportunities? And again with the "should have dated more girls and should have had more friends" stuff. Should have? Who says? What criteria are you judging yourself against here?

Now, if you've wanted to meet new people and have new relationships but you think SA has held you back, that's natural. But there's not really a "should of done this or that..." thing. You lived your life so far. But the story isn't finished and we don't know the whole story yet. Oh, you're going to have so much finding out and shaping that story.

SA can never hold anyone back. It's a disorder. An invasion of the thoughts. It can make you think it can hold you back but it can't hold you back.

Being "released" or "releasing yourself" from something like SA can make you feel like you want to "make up for lost time". And that's fine. All good. But you're not being judged that you should have done this or that. It's time to build your life around your wants and your desires and not around the disorder. You might get anxious again in the future. But, from what you say, anxiety is unlikely to get you.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 01:20 PM Thread Starter
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Socially you've "done OK"? By whose standards? There's no "ideal" way to be socially. Are you saying you want to experience more social opportunities? And again with the "should have dated more girls and should have had more friends" stuff. Should have? Who says? What criteria are you judging yourself against here?

Now, if you've wanted to meet new people and have new relationships but you think SA has held you back, that's natural. But there's not really a "should of done this or that..." thing. You lived your life so far. But the story isn't finished and we don't know the whole story yet. Oh, you're going to have so much finding out and shaping that story.
Yea, this is against my own standards. I feel like it's held me back when I actually wanted to do things because I was too scared or anxious.

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SA can never hold anyone back. It's a disorder. An invasion of the thoughts. It can make you think it can hold you back but it can't hold you back.
I see your point but even though its not physically holding you back it just as real as anything in the world when you're in the middle of it.

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Being "released" or "releasing yourself" from something like SA can make you feel like you want to "make up for lost time". And that's fine. All good. But you're not being judged that you should have done this or that. It's time to build your life around your wants and your desires and not around the disorder. You might get anxious again in the future. But, from what you say, anxiety is unlikely to get you.
Again, these are all things that IVE wanted to do. Im not sitting here thinking about things that other people think I should've accomplished.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 04:17 PM
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S.A has completely destroyed my life, and I mean completely.

I can't get a proper job, I can barely cope in the job I've got which means I run out of money before the end of the month and my parents have to subsidise me, which is demeaning.

College, just thinking about college makes me want to cry. It might as well be a freakshow. I literally CAN NOT do it, it feels like I can't but in theory I can and want to, thats why I'm there but at the same time I can't

three Universities have offered me a conditional place based on the UCAS application I sent, I know that I'll struggle there so it's bittersweet.

I can't have relationships even if my heart ACHES for someone or I feel burning passion it goes nowhere, I hate to say to them 'I do like you but I have S.A' cos I don't think men will be sympathetic.

There are even places I simply cannot go, streets I can't walk down, routes I can't take, shops I can't go into.

Everything feels like a risk. My S.A can't really get any worse than it is, it's extremely hard to live this way. Extremely hard on the soul.

I've tried affirmations, there wasn't any concrete result to that. Self-helps books definately helped. I'm miffed that my CBT appointment hasn't come through yet cos I just can't live this way, it's heartbreaking.

The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be continually afraid of making one-Elbert Hubbard
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 04:59 PM
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[QUOTE=Stargirl09;1312619]S.A has completely destroyed my life

I can't get a proper job


I can't have relationships even if my heart ACHES for someone or I feel burning passion it goes nowhere



Extremely hard on the soul.

it's heartbreaking.[/QUOTE

Stargirl, MY heart aches for you. You have an uncanny ability to sum up what I feel about SA so for what it's worth I feel for you. In fact, you may have just unwittingly written my autobiography!

I know it's hard but keep plugging away if you can, even though I know how hard that can be when it seems hopeless.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-23-2010, 05:04 PM
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Yeah, I had a great life before I got SA. I had pretty much everything a pre-teen could ask for (I was 12 when I got SA). Over the last 5 years my life has gone down the tubes, not completely because of the SA, but that is by far the biggest part of it.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 02:14 AM
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Interesting how SA has gotten worse for some as they got older. Though I've never been really outgoing unlesss it involved booze to ease the SA.

I've read so many posts of those suffering from SA much worse than I. I've had really bad weeks of bad SA suffering. I can't imagine going through much harsher times of isolation. I wish I had more advice for those suffering worse than I. I feel lucky I can still hold down a job and have some friendships intact.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 05:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freshjive View Post
I was just thinking about how SA has affected my life.

Professionally if I wasnt so concerned with the opinions of others I'd probably a lot further than I am now im my career. I was more skilled, experienced and smarter than a lot of the other people that I worked with but because I was worried about others opinions I wouldnt go for promotions or higher paying positions.

Socially I've done OK but I havent really pursued the relationships and friends that I've wanted because I was, again, too scared. I should've dated a lot more girls than I have and should've had more friends.

Now that I feel that Im past SA about 85% I feel like this will allow me to do the things that I want to do with my life.

I've been out of work for a while and when I get back to work I feel like I'll take more initiative in my career and work to get the things that I've always wanted. I've already started meeting more people and have met a lot more girls than I ever have in the past.

Its amazing how much of a hinderance SA has been on my life but now that Im not so constrained by others opinions I feel like I can get more out of life than I ever could have with SA.

I'm sure you all have similar stories about how SA has stopped you from doing things that you've always wanted to do.
You do seem to have things going for you that is really good. Sadly I'm not sure I could say the same about myself. Without SA, I could still picture myself being down on the social ladder, sure I could have some friends and all and maybe a girlfriend, but considering I don't have other areas of my life settled, I still think I would end up feeling bad. I feel really insecure about my looks. My grades in school and now in college suck; I wasn't totally stupid but I was/am just mostly a lazy bum. I think my intelligence and **** ups may have also been some of the causes of my SA.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 12:35 PM
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The blueprint decoded was awesome, I couldn't sleep once I started listening to it and the next day when I went to work it was like being in the fricking matrix, I could pick up on so much unconcious behaviours, Awesome, but the dramatic effect only lasted about a week, I found an article about this phenomenon on succeedsocially.com but I can't find it anymore. The fact I like the most is that it teaches you that don't really have to force anything, being content in yourself is the foundation of a happy abundant life.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 01:54 PM
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Also, when you have everything "sorted" in your life, what are you going to do then? Enjoy it? Yeah, well, okay then. Enjoy the good things in your life now so you get in some practice for enjoying the other good stuff you're gonna create. But don't defer your happiness or good feelings. You don't always need a reason to have them.
I have this problem of waiting until I get things sorted so I can then enjoy life. Meanwhile, life passes me by.

It is hard to be happy when I am so out of sync with my cohort, since I feel a need to "catch up" even if that doesn't make me happy, just so I can relate to them. Its hard to be happy when I am not getting what I want from life and don't know how to get it (or don't like what it takes to do it).

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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-25-2010, 08:00 PM
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Yeah what you say is true. But I like to think about how it makes us so better. Seriously if we can overcome SA we can do anything in this world. We learn so much by conquering SA and gain so much.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-27-2010, 12:31 AM
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"You do seem to have things going for you that is really good. Sadly I'm not sure I could say the same about myself. Without SA, I could still picture myself being down on the social ladder, sure I could have some friends and all and maybe a girlfriend, but considering I don't have other areas of my life settled, I still think I would end up feeling bad. I feel really insecure about my looks. My grades in school and now in college suck; I wasn't totally stupid but I was/am just mostly a lazy bum. I think my intelligence and **** ups may have also been some of the causes of my SA. "

What exactly, in your mind, does this "social ladder" constitute? What is it?

And are you aware that you can feel good about yourself and your life even though you might still have things in your life you need to deal with/want to deal with?

Why are you being so hard on yourself? Not telling you off. Just curious.

Could your intelligence have contributed to some of the good things in your life? Are you personally responsible for some or all of the good things in your life? Or are you seeing those as flukes?

It's good to have goals and motivation. But anxiety doesn't have to be a part of that motivation. Also, when you have everything "sorted" in your life, what are you going to do then? Enjoy it? Yeah, well, okay then. Enjoy the good things in your life now so you get in some practice for enjoying the other good stuff you're gonna create. But don't defer your happiness or good feelings. You don't always need a reason to have them.
I was just kinda venting there. I don't feel well thinking about what I have really done to help myself. Many people I know at my age are going to college and have their grades settled ,while I'm really struggling with my grades at a community college. I worry that when I get older I might turn out to be a nobody in comparison to what the people around me are achieving. I guess it is just kind of an envy problem.
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-27-2010, 12:45 AM
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I would suggest checking out "The Blueprint Decoded" by Real Social Dynamics. That program has helped me so much, its completely changed my life. Check it out, you might like it. Its online for free if you google the torrent.
How has The Blueprint helped you? I'm starting to think that the Blueprint's teachings (of course disregarding the obvious BS) may not make someone a social stud, but that it may actually help people who suffer from SA, especially those who have it really severe .
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