Rejection - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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Rejection


How do you feel? Do you let it control you? Do you go into a mental spiral?

I try not to let it bother me but sometimes it plagues me and I fall into emotional and mental turmoil.

What hurts is when someone is friendly and courteous towards everyone but me. It happens to me often.

It reflects on that person but it still eats away at me because it always happen to me.

I struggle with self-worth as it is from being rejected in my family so the hurt accumulates from being rejected within a workplace and social setting.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 12:35 PM
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It hurts. I usually remove myself, not that it would be noticed anyway.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 01:47 PM
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I don't ever get rejected... because I don't ever put myself out there or put myself in any situations where I can be rejected.
(Don't do that. Don't be like me xD)
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 03:25 PM
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Because I'm such an avoidant loner I'm not usually in a situation to get rejected. But when I've been rejected in the past it didn't really bother me, to be honest. I don't take it personally usually, it's just something that happens and I move on. If a friendship or relationship doesn't work out I kind of have an 'oh well' attitude as usually there are other things in my life I move onto.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 04:20 PM
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I normally do pre-emptive rejection by avoiding, self sabotage etc I'm broked D :






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 05:17 PM
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I don't expect anyone to like me, or be interested in me, so when they're not I don't think much of anything about it. I understand why they like and are interested in other people, so it doesn't bother me that they are.

It probably helps that I can't see anyone as a 'prospect' (potential friend or whatever) unless they're demonstrating some kind of overt interest in me. And even then my assumption is that I'm merely a curiosity to them, not that they have any intention of being my friend. It takes a long time for me to develop anything like attachment to another person, and I don't think I've ever really been dependent on another person emotionally/psychologically. I've never felt 'betrayed' by a friend/partner.

For the most part, (to take another stab at it) other people are like a different species to me. It doesn't occur to me to feel 'rejected' by the way they treat me, just like I wouldn't feel rejected if an animal paid no attention to me. Which isn't to say that I don't like and care about people, because I do. I like and care about animals, too. I do get very lonely and wish there were people who did have an interest in me. But I don't take rejection personally and I don't expect people to behave any differently than they do. It's just never been an issue for me.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 08:43 PM
Oh jeez... okay.
 
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I try to avoid rejection as much as possible. Suppose I feel like I'm going to get rejected. In that case, I try and lessen the blow by putting myself down, saying something like "I'm probably going to fail anyway" or "I was never any good to begin with." The putting myself down approach usually works, but it murders my self-worth :/

Hello
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 06:05 AM
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I take it for granted. I'm too far gone to ever have normal interactions. I already was in adolescence. I'm amazed when anyone bothers to be nice to me irl, it's much easier and more fun to rag on the subnormal loner who won't stand up for himself. I feel that as long as I keep myself in a state of constant self-pity and low self-esteem, I won't be hurt as much by things like rejection.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 01:22 PM
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Hi all, it saddens me to hear people thinking low of themselves... We are all unique, we all have something to offer, and what's important above all else is how we feel about ourselves. If we are secure in ourselves (happy and content with who we are as people), we can find our own way and not worry too much what other people think of us... Regarding rejection, if we keep our expectations low, but keep a open mind when we meet new people it might help take some of the stress out of situations (just a thought). What do you guys think?
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 05:42 PM
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I don't really make efforts to fit in. If it clicks and I get to connect with someone, it's good. More often then not, it goes flat. It doesn't go too bad most of the time. In some cases, I got kinda verbually abusive, not in what I was saying, but in using a LOUD voice and was too direct. It's mostly when I have been "betrayed" or so. I'm learning to be more mindful and to stop to cling at pain. Being rejected is "better" than being deceived, used and put away afterward. I think people gain from being comfortable with themselves, with their thoughts, before adding people. If you get too thoughful by yourself, maybe you just need to slow down and relax so that you feel the moment instead. Ok, enough of that now. Everyone gets rejected. Even the "super popular" are denied of some things at times. Less often, but imagine the ones who think they can't get rejected, eventually getting rejected! I think moving on, forgive but don't forget.
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 06:38 PM
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Sometimes when we've been hurt, all we need is closure to make us contented and to move on and make progress. When people do us wrong, it's their lacking, their needs which motivate them to carry such acts out. It's only a reflection on us if we allow it to be. If we doubt ourselves it can take its toll. The answer in my opinion is to draw a line under what has happened, make a list of all the things we need to work on/change, fix them and move on contented we have learned the lessons and we won't be in that position again. Life is too short for regrets, and holding grudges. Hope this helps

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 05:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staticradio725 View Post
I don't ever get rejected... because I don't ever put myself out there or put myself in any situations where I can be rejected.
Same here. And before I stopped putting myself in social situations I always was the one who got rejected/ignored. So I figured why put yourself through such humiliation when you can just avoid people altogether.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 05:54 PM
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Isn't this building walls though? These barriers can prevent us from developing meaningful connections, and may be painful to remove later. In my opinion they can also contribute to later loneliness... Thing is it's okay to be rejected. One possible reason why rejection hurts, is because our expectations were set too high. Lower the expectation and things become easier...

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OCDguy1 View Post
Isn't this building walls though? These barriers can prevent us from developing meaningful connections, and may be painful to remove later. In my opinion they can also contribute to later loneliness... Thing is it's okay to be rejected. One possible reason why rejection hurts, is because our expectations were set too high. Lower the expectation and things become easier...
That's true but I feel like I've tried and failed too many times for me to keep trying. If people constantly give you the feeling that you're not worthy, not important enough, boring, not worth their time, it will stick with you after a while. I really don't have high expectations. It's just that every person I ever met thought I'm a waste of time.
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2021, 01:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaurparty View Post
That's true but I feel like I've tried and failed too many times for me to keep trying. If people constantly give you the feeling that you're not worthy, not important enough, boring, not worth their time, it will stick with you after a while. I really don't have high expectations. It's just that every person I ever met thought I'm a waste of time.

Problems really start when people start believing all of this. It's what you think about yourself that's important. We don't have to comform to other people's expectations. We are our own people, be true to yourself (you don't have to be a people pleaser). Hope this helps

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2021, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OCDguy1 View Post
Isn't this building walls though? These barriers can prevent us from developing meaningful connections, and may be painful to remove later. In my opinion they can also contribute to later loneliness... Thing is it's okay to be rejected. One possible reason why rejection hurts, is because our expectations were set too high. Lower the expectation and things become easier...
My post, at least, was intended to be at least a little bit sarcastic. I'm well aware that avoiding all situation in which rejection is possible is not healthy or beneficial behavior, and it's definitely something I'm trying to work on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaurparty View Post
That's true but I feel like I've tried and failed too many times for me to keep trying. If people constantly give you the feeling that you're not worthy, not important enough, boring, not worth their time, it will stick with you after a while. I really don't have high expectations. It's just that every person I ever met thought I'm a waste of time.
I definitely understand how much it sucks to try and fail at something repeatedly, and how discouraging that can get. I wonder, when you say that everyone you've ever met thought you were a waste of time, is that a true fact? Or could it be that that's how you were interpreting the situation? I know I tend to do this thing where, because I can't read a person's mind, I tend to ascribe thoughts or feelings to them, or assume they feel a certain way without solid proof. I'm not a mind-reader, after all. I have no way of knowing whether that clerk at the store thought I was dumb, but yet sometimes that's the assumption I come to anyways. If nothing else, I'm someone you've met (for a given definition of "met") who doesn't think you're a waste of time!
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2021, 12:22 PM
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I apologise if I ever come across as judgmental. I do know from past experience that creating barriers in the long term is unproductive and for me at least painful to remove later. When it comes to other people's criticisms, it's important to remember that one person's perception of what is important varies to another. Also what is important to a younger person changes as they get older. Regarding personalities, yes people who can entertain are often popular, but when it comes to forming friendships and lasting friendships there are far more important qualities to take into consideration. Some are loyalty, honesty, respect, caring, appreciative, trustworthy and understanding. Not every popular person has these qualities, I'll let you be the judge of what values you think are more important in a friendship.... Hope this helps

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2021, 03:06 PM
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When this happens, forexample you are in a group of people and you only know them on a more swallow level I try to remember that they don't know who you truly are. They don't see what an amazing person you can be, they don't know what you are feeling, they don't know your deepest secrets so therefore you simply shouldn't care what they think. They are practically strangers.

Therefore being rejected by them should not mean anything. Take it as a dust of wind, just something that happened and something that will happen again but not something that says anything about you as a human being.

The type of rejection that hurts more is like friend rejection, love rejection etc. I tried both. It hurts a lot. I like to say the friends who reject you are not friends. They are people who used to be your friend, but not anymore. So just cut them off.

Everytime you have a positive social interaction I suggest writing it down. Make like a list of good experiences. That will most likely give you some confidence and perspective as to that you can give a good impression and create a strong social bond. Sometimes we can just feel better, we all have off days and good days. So cheer up, and remember in life we all face rejection in some form. And the best you can do is accepting that not everyone is going to like you and not everything is going to be a succes. But that is ok. And you will be ok no matter what.

I hope you cheer up
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