Just wanted to give an update for those interested.
I am now seeing a therapist for talk therapy.
It was so damn difficult at first, I had a hard time opening up. But luckily, my therapist is really kind and understanding, so I feel more comfortable with her now. But I do still have a ways to go. I will admit, after the first three sessions, I was getting frustrated. While I know there is no instant treatment to my problems, there is always that little voice in my head that wishes that could be possible. So after the first couple of sessions, I was getting impatient, wanting to see instant results. But luckily, I stuck it out. It's been about four months now since I first started. While my problems haven't resolved, it has helped me gained understanding in myself in just how deep my problems go. This therapy is more about talking, hence the name talk therapy, so I just talk about my problems, while my therapist asks questions.
We're now are currently looking into psychiatrist options for me.
Having done talk therapy for a few months, my therapist sees that a psychiatrist will definitely do me some good because my problems can't be resolved solely from talk therapy.
And we're also looking into formal testing for ADHD/ADD for me.
Looking back, not much has been accomplished in terms of my problems, but I now wouldn't change it. Even though it's just talk therapy, I still feel like at least something is being done for my problems, without any judgement, which gives me some peace of mind.
That being said, the journey has not been a smooth one. One issue I have continuously run into is the cost. HMO plans suck. At least mine does. They don't cover my needs. At least the doctors that I need. The only therapists and psychiatrists they cover are forty miles away from me. And I could not get any website, response, or at least some positive reviews on these docs. So I had to go out of network and find people who I had to pay out of pocket.
While it is more expensive, it's so worth it. In my search for help, I wanted someone who was board certified, so I have a better chance of better service. While my therapist isn't board certified, the practice she is a part of has a psychiatrist all of their therapists refer to, who is board certified. And everyone I have talked to from that office has been really kind and attentive.
My other issue is my parents. My parents haven't made things any better for me. My relationship with them is still strained, and honestly, even with therapy, I don't see my relationship with them ever improving. They don't know I see a therapist, as they find therapy completely pointless because of the Asian mindsets they hold on anxiety and such. And because I don't have a job, I have to get the money to pay for my therapy from them. They hassle me all the time about my appointments, but luckily because I tell them that I need the doctor related visits, they give me the money for them.