placing all my cards on getting a job
im depressed, social anxiety is continuing to screw me over daily, my mind is f***ed. Will i ever be normal, will i ever live the life i want. I decided that it comes down to confidence and the main reason that i feel unconfident / inadequate is because i dont have a job. So im placing all my eggs in one basket, i dont feel like getting a job while been socially anxious and depressed but there is nothing else to do, it feels like im either going to make it or break it.
If i don't feel better after i have got a job i don't know what i will do, there will be nothing left. Getting a job is not easy while depressed, i applied for one the other day and now i wish i hadn't, the phone rang this morning and i didnt want to answer it, i don't really want that job anymore i secretly wish they just choose someone else and never contact me, but it depends how im feeling. Time is running out anyway, not really but in my head it is, it is decision time, im poor now but if i don't get a job soon im going to be broke,in 4 months i am either going to be a broke unemployed loser or doing ok
im getting sick of this, can't take it any more, haven't told anyone, there is really no-one i want to tell, sick of making out everything is ok when 80% of the time it's not. Hope this doesn't get the thread locked but i keep liking the idea of self harming, i don't but i want too, then i wont be able to hide it anymore people will know im in pain