People react negatively to me - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 07:39 AM Thread Starter
 
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People react negatively to me


I look normal (have a normal haircut and wear normal clothes). Can't do anything to improve that.

Anyone else have these problems?

Strangers will introduce themselves warmly to everyone else, but when it comes to you they will just ignore you or say something polite / half-ased and "skip" over you.

People lower their heads, wont make eye contact when saying hi to you. But you seem them make eye contact and warmly say hi to everyone else..

People just don't want to talk to you. Instead of feigning common interests with others, they will pretend they don't share common interests. Example: I'll see two people talking about the most boring things. Neither is obviously interested in the conversation. Then I'll say hi and start talking about something I know the person is very interested in and they'll feign disinterest.

People will want to do some activity and need more people, but will go out of their way not to invite you. It will be obvious that I like football, occasionally gamble, golf, etc. On multiple occassions people have been desperate for another fantasy football player, football pool, or need a 4th or 5th for golf, etc.... I'll start talking about said topic and they will lie about it. It's literally....we'll take anyone...just not you.

Everyone invited but you. Big party or event, everyones invited. Of course you end up finding out because it is such a big thing and it's impossible to hide something like that. But then when you start talking about it to others. They lie about it and find out.... Everyone but YOU is invited.

The best way to describe it is like I'm a black man living among whites in the 50's. That's how a typical person reacts to and treats me.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 11:10 AM
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Re: People react negatively to me


Do you have any kind of physical defects or are you overweight or anything like that?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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Re: People react negatively to me


I have the same problem. People treat me like sh*t.
I was at the airport once and the lady behind the counter was
smiling and talking to everyone nicely in the line, and when she got
to me, her smile vanished and she was terribly rude.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: People react negatively to me


Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6
Do you have any kind of physical defects or are you overweight or anything like that?
Nope and Nope. I do have a beer gut, but it's not big where you can see it under clothes. I'm fairly muscular and "look" trim.

Quote:
I have the same problem. People treat me like sh*t.
I was at the airport once and the lady behind the counter was
smiling and talking to everyone nicely in the line, and when she got
to me, her smile vanished and she was terribly rude.
When stuff like that happens consistantly you start to wonder WTF is going on.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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Re: People react negatively to me


Are you sure you're not just being paranoid?
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 01:12 PM
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Re: People react negatively to me


I get that a lot. I think it's because I don't look cordial and inviting. I look standoffish. It's not intentional, just how I'm made I guess. I'm not actually mean or anything, just not great at the surface level niceties and stuff I guess.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 02:54 PM
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Re: People react negatively to me


It's like they put a label on us. I experience something similar. I'll be right there with my parents-sometimes people say hi to them and completely ignore me. Feels weird. It's like they don't think we have anything to offer them they think we won't say anything if they initiate any kind of conversation. I did overcome the completely 'mute' phase when I was about 12 or 13. They must be living in the past!!

"A simple man believes everything he hears; a clever man understands the need for proof." Proverbs 14:15-The New English Bible
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 03:51 PM
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Re: People react negatively to me


Yeah, I agree, it's probably your body language then.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-24-2008, 10:12 PM
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Re: People react negatively to me


Quote:
Originally Posted by blackholesun
People lower their heads, wont make eye contact when saying hi to you. But you seem them make eye contact and warmly say hi to everyone else.
Normally they say hey very enthusiatically to everyone they like and not say hey to me at all unless I say hey or they are enthusiastic to everyone they like and just simply say hey with no emotion to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackholesun
People will want to do some activity and need more people, but will go out of their way not to invite you. It will be obvious that I like football, occasionally gamble, golf, etc. On multiple occassions people have been desperate for another fantasy football player, football pool, or need a 4th or 5th for golf, etc.... I'll start talking about said topic and they will lie about it. It's literally....we'll take anyone...just not you.

Everyone invited but you. Big party or event, everyones invited. Of course you end up finding out because it is such a big thing and it's impossible to hide something like that. But then when you start talking about it to others. They lie about it and find out.... Everyone but YOU is invited.
This deffinitely happens to me especially hte second one. I'm in a sorority and there will be an event that everyone in the sorority gets invited to except me (I know this is mainly b/c I don't have text but it's not like they can't call me or leave me a message on facebook letting me know). Sometimes I'll catch them talking about an event ahead of time and drop hints that I'd love to come since I'm to afraid to plain out ask to come but they won't invite me. Then the rare occasion I work up the courage to ask people to go do something they usually ignore me or make up a lie why they can't come (I worked up the courage to invite people to go on spring break over facebook, must people didn't say a thing to me, others said they didn't have the money but when spring break came they all of the sudden had enough money to affoard a hotel 2x as expensive as the one I was sugesting).
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: People react negatively to me


Quote:
Originally Posted by You
Honestly if this happens alot and around different people and especially around people you don't even know very well, I'd say the problem might be your body language. People used to tell me all the time that I looked mad/angry when I didn't really necessary feel that inside. I think it was more or less the anxious thoughts I was having straining and showing on my face. I recall someone once telling me something along the lines of "I was going to say hi, but when I saw your face I decided against it".
I don't look angry, but it's hard to control anxiety / nervousness.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-25-2008, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: People react negatively to me


Quote:
Originally Posted by gozinsky
I get that a lot. I think it's because I don't look cordial and inviting. I look standoffish..
For the initial impression....

That might be it. I tried to work on a great smile, but some people have it and some don't. I probably come across that way too. I'm also light sensitive so that doesn't help.
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