People initiate with you and then stop responding to you? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-30-2012, 11:16 PM Thread Starter
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People initiate with you and then stop responding to you?

Does this happen to anyone else? What I've noticed is that people generally initiate conversations with me because I'm the quiet one and then after talking to them during that time afterwards they would avoid me and seemed pissy if I look their way or accidentally make eye contact with them.

Even though I'm not friendly towards them although I want to be but my shyness prevents me but they're more awkward around me whereas I'm normal around them. I guess they just move on but why do they always seem pissy around me?

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-30-2012, 11:27 PM
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This happens to me a lot online people will go from saying they have unearthly emotional and intellectual connections with me to completely ignoring me and blocking me in the same week. No idea what that is supposed to be, Flakey!
Not so much in real life though because I won’t allow people to know me intimately until they show a lot of interest because it would hurt too much to have that happen in real life.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-30-2012, 11:37 PM
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I think they just assume you don't like them because of your SA. Happens to me too.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 12:01 AM
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I have 2 guesses for when this happens. Which depends on how the person sees things. Either A hes the "my lifes about me" type and thinks you hate him for some unseen reason or hes B the "Entertain me" type and realizes that you probably wont be fun to talk to for long periods of time.

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 01:30 AM
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People talk to me and I'm always nervous nothing comes up in my mind so I give boring answers. Makes me a boring person.
And then people go like oh wow I see now, you're so boring, that's why you don't speak and why nobody talks to you.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 01:44 AM
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I always hold a mixture of appreciation and animosity towards people who do this to me, no matter what their reasoning is. Emotionally, I feel like I'm a toy that they simply played with and threw away once they got bored of me. But at the same time I appreciate that they took the time and effort to reach out to me, ya know?
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 01:51 AM
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All the time. I even have the same people do multiples of times. Eventually I just said "**** all" and quit responding to them.

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 06:40 AM
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Not often - maybe thrice. It's usually clear they're after an answer to a specific question when the conversation doesn't continue and comes as no surprise. It's usually a relief because communication causes overload.

It's likely you're not reciprocating as expected and come across detached, which is interpreted as lack of interest, snobbery and so on.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-01-2012, 03:14 PM
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I get this a lot...a lot...a LOT. In fact this is the root of my problem socializing, the sheer number of times people have initiated contact with me, only to bail out soon afterward...once in a while we manage to make friends for several years, but the result is the same, they lose interest, stop replying. It's the ones that I finally grew to befriend but who bailed out on me anyway that truly hurt.

Originally Posted by odd_one_out View Post
It's likely you're not reciprocating as expected and come across detached, which is interpreted as lack of interest, snobbery and so on.
This is my theory, and at least in more recent years is likely the cause behind many people losing interest in me. Unfortunately, even with people with whom I really tried hard to reciprocate, and with people *I* contacted first, the results are the same. So far only one person has managed to sustain prolonged interest in me.

I don't usually get them being p*ssy to me afterward...they just lose all interest. Granted, my interactions are online, so the only way they COULD be p*ssy is if we got back in touch, and yes, the few times I manage to wrangle a response/explanation out of them as for why they stopped responding, they almost always take it out on me. One told me she had more important things in her life to deal with and had had to "drop a lot" of friends without telling them, and seemed offended that I dared to think I could've made the cut (she'd insisted repeatedly before then that she was going to reply to me, seemed enthused about it, and had written in her online journal about how lonely and bored she was...which just made the rejection hurt all the more, I wasn't good enough to alleviate her boredom); another one took offense that I felt discouraged that she'd carbon-copied her reply to me to a dozen other penpals rather than write something personal, all I did was let her know I envied her number of friends (I was polite about it) and didn't feel I had much to offer, she turned on me by saying I couldn't be the most important thing in everyone's life, called my mental status into question, etc. I guess those dozen people didn't alleviate her own loneliness, she was back to posting ads on the penpal site shortly after. Again...I wasn't good enough to be her friend.

Sorry to go on at length but it's frustrating, to feel like I'll just never be good enough. I don't put very much effort into maintaining communication anymore because of this. The effort is draining and almost never pays off. I've tried being chatty and outspoken and people wanted me to shut up; I've tried being quiet and keeping mostly to myself and people wanted me to open up. And lately I've gotten people wanting me to shut up again. No wonder making friends is so frustrating!

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.


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