People awkward around me - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-04-2017, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
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People awkward around me


Hey! I'm just really impressed by how people can feel each other's energy. Like , I am very awkward around people and even though I try to demonstrate good body language if I don't feel good on the inside, people can't feel it. Like everytime I'm around people and look at them, even accidently, they touch their faces, all- the- time, especially those that I know, but have anxiety around, like classmates. Like they rub their eye or something like that, but really fast. Or when I sit for a long time around people and it's quiet and I feel awkward and they all start clearing their throats and coughing and acting like me basically. There's a saying that people are like mirrors and it's true, very often even the least likely to be influenced by other people, even they mirror what they see. So school is one of the places when my anxiety is very strong and people there start to act negatively the moment I enter the room even if I'm in a good mood. So my mood is always different, but they know me for being negative so seeing me positive is probably not something they believe I truly feel like, but I do. And there's other places, new places, where people just don't know me, so they can have their own expectations about me until they see I am reserved and don't like talking much and they start behaving like me around me. I know it's normal people to give me what I give them, I'm the same, I'm much more likely to be more open around more open people rather than shy people that don't let me know them. I didn't write this because I don't know why it's happening. It's just very interesting to me how things work and how people behave. It's funny how when I just look at someone, they touch their face, don't you think ?
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 08:45 AM
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Hmm weird but if both people are around each other and not communicating it does get awkward.

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thekitten View Post
Hey! I'm just really impressed by how people can feel each other's energy. Like , I am very awkward around people and even though I try to demonstrate good body language if I don't feel good on the inside, people can't feel it. Like everytime I'm around people and look at them, even accidently, they touch their faces, all- the- time, especially those that I know, but have anxiety around, like classmates. Like they rub their eye or something like that, but really fast. Or when I sit for a long time around people and it's quiet and I feel awkward and they all start clearing their throats and coughing and acting like me basically. There's a saying that people are like mirrors and it's true, very often even the least likely to be influenced by other people, even they mirror what they see. So school is one of the places when my anxiety is very strong and people there start to act negatively the moment I enter the room even if I'm in a good mood. So my mood is always different, but they know me for being negative so seeing me positive is probably not something they believe I truly feel like, but I do. And there's other places, new places, where people just don't know me, so they can have their own expectations about me until they see I am reserved and don't like talking much and they start behaving like me around me. I know it's normal people to give me what I give them, I'm the same, I'm much more likely to be more open around more open people rather than shy people that don't let me know them. I didn't write this because I don't know why it's happening. It's just very interesting to me how things work and how people behave. It's funny how when I just look at someone, they touch their face, don't you think ?

This is a mirror image of what happens to me. It seems like every person I come into contact with acts just like me. Like you said, they rub their eyes, clear their throats.. so strange. One of my coworkers is the most outgoing, social, anxiety-free person you'd ever meet, and I always know it's him approaching my office, because he clears his throat every time. And it's only when he approaches me.. he never does it when he approaches any one else. He doesn't even notice it. It's like a habit.. and only I notice it.


I also notice that when I'm extra awkward or my anxiety is much higher than usual, the energy around me is palpable, you could cut the tension with a knife, and the people around me look completely tense and terrified. Then if I calm down, or smile, their whole demeanor changes and they relax all their muscles, like they've just come out of a spell. It's as if they mirror my demeanor.


I feel bad for all these people. They have to be around this toxic energy of mine, and I feel like a huge burden on them. That's why I try to avoid people any time I can. When people are around me, they become so nervous, it almost feels like they're freaked out more than me most of the time.


Very thread!
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 03:47 PM
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I wonder if it's to do with your energy. We pick up on eachother's energy. Some people are very positive, bubbly, charismatic and people tend to be drawn to that...as in people who don't have social anxiety. It's difficult when you are feeling anxious though, being present and not being absorbed in your thoughts is key but it's easier said then done. I work with someone who can get very moody and it instantly effects me, energy wise. I pick up on the negative energy and it makes me feel anxious and stressed out.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 03:50 PM
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Awkwardness is highly underappreciated.

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 04:34 PM
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There's the common advice that poor social interaction are more often in our own heads... that it's just a matter of perception. I think that's true to some extent. But social interaction is a weird reflecting pool, and people respond to subtle cues put forth. In my mind it's akin to sympathetic resonances.

I think I have no real control over how I present the subtle displays. I'm incapable of putting on a act. If I'm anxious or nervous, it's going to show. Sometimes I can work through that, and present a bit of confidence or at least ease of being myself. But often I get the same unsure qualities reflected back at me. Or try to explain something that's more abstract, I tend to get equally blank responses.

I seem to exist in a weird middle ground, where I can observe what goes on in social interactions... and how awkwardness is handled socially... but with very few practical skills to change it for myself. For example, I can see when people are having a conversation and someone is getting bored by what the other person is saying. But when I'm in that situation, I can sense the how what I'm talking about is boring the other person or making them uncomfortable, so I usually stop or just know never to really start. But that doesn't change the fact that I generally want to talk about the thing on my mind.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 01:26 AM
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Albeit it might be true that people pick on that negative energy and sense it... The less you think about it and the more you focus on the tasks at hand, the less it's gonna affect YOU and in turn the people around you.
So to progress from that, it's enough to acknowledge it but really you just have to ignore it and go forward becoming slightly better and improving yourself as a person each day day by day.
But what's most important.. In truth it's not what actually happens what matters the most. Instead, it's how you perceive it and CHOOSE what to think of it - that's what matters the most.
Oh and believe me people are not like judges in the court. You can use your own experience to reflect on that and go on to conclusion that if it's okay for you, they'll perceive that as okay for them too. People tend to act on feelings rather than the blank (and in the proper perspective seriously meaningless) events or acts.
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