Hey! I'm just really impressed by how people can feel each other's energy. Like , I am very awkward around people and even though I try to demonstrate good body language if I don't feel good on the inside, people can't feel it. Like everytime I'm around people and look at them, even accidently, they touch their faces, all- the- time, especially those that I know, but have anxiety around, like classmates. Like they rub their eye or something like that, but really fast. Or when I sit for a long time around people and it's quiet and I feel awkward and they all start clearing their throats and coughing and acting like me basically. There's a saying that people are like mirrors and it's true, very often even the least likely to be influenced by other people, even they mirror what they see. So school is one of the places when my anxiety is very strong and people there start to act negatively the moment I enter the room even if I'm in a good mood. So my mood is always different, but they know me for being negative so seeing me positive is probably not something they believe I truly feel like, but I do. And there's other places, new places, where people just don't know me, so they can have their own expectations about me until they see I am reserved and don't like talking much and they start behaving like me around me. I know it's normal people to give me what I give them, I'm the same, I'm much more likely to be more open around more open people rather than shy people that don't let me know them. I didn't write this because I don't know why it's happening. It's just very interesting to me how things work and how people behave. It's funny how when I just look at someone, they touch their face, don't you think ?
This is a mirror image of what happens to me.
It seems like every person I come into contact with acts just like me. Like you said, they rub their eyes, clear their throats.. so strange. One of my coworkers is the most outgoing, social, anxiety-free person you'd ever meet, and I always know it's him approaching my office, because he clears his throat every time. And it's only when he approaches me.. he never does it when he approaches any one else. He doesn't even notice it. It's like a habit.. and only I notice it.
I also notice that when I'm extra awkward or my anxiety is much higher than usual, the energy around me is palpable, you could cut the tension with a knife, and the people around me look completely tense and terrified. Then if I calm down, or smile, their whole demeanor changes and they relax all their muscles, like they've just come out of a spell. It's as if they mirror my demeanor.
I feel bad for all these people. They have to be around this toxic energy of mine, and I feel like a huge burden on them. That's why I try to avoid people any time I can. When people are around me, they become so nervous, it almost feels like they're freaked out more than me most of the time.