Overcoming loneliness - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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Overcoming loneliness

I spend a lot of my time alone not because I'm introverted but because I have nobody to talk to. There's no one I can call or text. I don't see anyone on a regular basis. I was looking into meetups, but most of the events don't particularly interest me. (Besides, due to COVID, there aren't even that many events to begin with.) I was thinking maybe I could look for online discord communities, but I always get kinda shy about participating in large group conversations where I would probably get talked over most of the time. I guess I could try to enjoy my alone time with hobbies and interests, but the thoughts of loneliness always come back. I can't just repress those thoughts forever.

I know this isn't exactly related to social anxiety, but it would still be nice to hear from others who have experienced a similar situation. What do you do to keep yourself from going crazy? 😂
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 12:19 AM
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I have no idea. Loneliness is a problem for me, too. And I already fill all my available time with work and other projects. It's like a toothache. Doing something else might distract you from the loneliness from time to time, but the pain will always be there until you pull the tooth.

I think I'm almost completely crazy at this point. But from more than just loneliness.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 08:13 PM
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I get pretty lonely sometimes - a lot of it's because I tend to isolate myself. I push people away, even close friends. Lately I've had a few of them contact me again and it's made a difference.

I think no matter what the reason is - we need to try. OP you say none of the meetups interest you - so go to one that doesn't. There may be some people there that are really nice. I'm thinking once all this virus business is over I really need to push myself and get out there more again. I might even go to a walking group or something - and I'm not a huge outdoor person, but it doesn't matter.

It's like everything else - sooner or later we have to try and take responsibility for our own lives, and try to improve it in some way. No-one else is going to that's for sure.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 03:02 AM
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Why don't you adopt a puppy. They can be man's best friend. You can take it to puppy training and parks, which means you are getting out more.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by brianlee99 View Post
What do you do to keep yourself from going crazy? 😂
Anything that involves a lot of cognitive skills. Like coding. When you engage that part of the mind, its like a world of solace you can enter into. And even after you're done, you can still feel the calming effects of it.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 05:56 PM
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Yeah I get lonely kind of easily but I'm afraid of people. I noticed I didn't use to be like this as much but ever since moving and becoming an adult it is very hard to make friends so I have people take me into their friend groups and I always just feel out of place... I don't have anything relevant to add to a lot of conversations. I appreciate the hell out of these people I've grown to be friends with, but I only really have like 4 friends the rest are just aqquaintances. I wish I was good at socializing then I could just make my own friend groups and not feel irrelevant. Nobody ever thinks I'm irrelevant though, maybe I'm just to critical of myself
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 07:16 PM
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Prior to covid, I would just do stuff to distract myself. But now there's no real solution or reprieve.

Just suffer and hope there's no severe lasting damage I guess.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 08:26 PM
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Having pets can definitely help
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-10-2020, 09:59 PM
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You said you were "shy". So I think you still have a little bit social anxiety. So I think you should cure your anxiety problem first. Adopting a pet with you may help with your loneliness.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 03:19 AM
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hi brian.....i think some people here would be interested in the idea of mental health clubs.....im a memebrer of one and i find its good for breaking the cycle of loneliness......mental health clubs are places where mentally ill people can go to participate in creative writing art yoga or group therapy, or else just drop in for a coffee.....i find the people there are nice and humble and understanding.....having social anxiety would qualify you for membership, and if not you could just say you have depression as well. Just google it or ask your mental health team.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 03:35 AM
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If you have enough negative experiences with people you won't really want to be around people anymore because it won't be worth the effort but that's not really something you can control some people just piss people off more than other's

I'm still on this forum despite all the negative experiences here but that's because it's no effort.

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Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 03:59 AM
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need feed the dog or cat or kid
and Mrs!

i'd have begun a family, if not getting into a run of endless job loss

money needed first. everyone get it. so easy.

never expected such a nasty, NULL void world. key indicators of no friends at school. hi aspirations.. education. science, get paid. any wrong avenue, bad employers. 32 of them. not a good one of them. None existed in my world.

arrive 9am 1 hour's and half journey. coffee? "HOw U?" i'd never say that, in my format. their way.. "HOWww ARE.. RRRRR ..YOU!!!" why use word "are"?????? minimise entire content of purposeful greeting of style? OK? would be my max.

Boss in kitchen: "can i get u a coffee?" he not interested. while i catered myself. some signal.. wot wrong with me?

way back in 2004 after a string of perm jobs, same business, telco.. i suggested bring music.. seperates. the agreed. i could hardly remember, now, but, amp, speakers, tape & CD player? was it all mine? tuner in the amp? music brought me together with everyone.

decades on, just coffee. i brought the fuel. another supplied a golden cafetiere. always he said.. fresh pot! boss said.. we're not posh! not in a -ve or moaning way. jubilant.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 05:21 AM
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such a empty life

hollow.. throat, dry.. nothing medical!

soul matters. living ere since 2001 when potential wife material after 4.5 years, she fled

each day! food! stages... lone... loss deeper

supermarket bans. 1 overcame by online advisory.. 6 months! not lifelong! returned easily as proposed. set set another default supermarket, closer to home, for 6 months, and forever. only 1 other altercation, after years of pure customer integrity. just Jan 21 2020 is life over of this supermarket. very unfair! past the six month stage. no hope. wild animals.. food. eating others. i just carry on going 15 miles other county, not allowed 0.77 from home at local branch. i want justice in court. no hope. all of life been snatched away by any people, in tidbits..... over decades, big slices! suffer long time, forever. many more hits, kicks to guts ahead.it'll never stop. nothing to lose? all's gone. no chance earn munny or partner or any step on ladder, being in this mode such long time
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
Prior to covid, I would just do stuff to distract myself. But now there's no real solution or reprieve.

Just suffer and hope there's no severe lasting damage I guess.
Just saw this, and to say.. its the thing I am struggling with most atm.

There are some things that can help, to some degree.. and I think its important to do whatever you can, whatever you have access to, to try to feel less lonely, even in tiny ways. Some of the problems with loneliness come from the perception we have of others, we imagine them to not experience this, and there seems to be some kind of weird stigma about it, which means its not something people talk about, which means I think theres a sense of shame, and a whole mass of people (almost everyone, tbh) who feels lonely on some level, regularly, feeling they are to blame for it.

It's the human condition, imo.

My approach is to do whatever the **** i can, even if its small things, like self care, keeping busy, and embracing struggle as a means of self improvement (because life is a struggle), and accepting this is the major source of pain I have atm.

The stoic in me says "separate off what you can and cant control, do something with what you can, ignore what you cant". Therefore, what small things can I do that will help somewhat? Even in trying to adopt a slightly different attitude? What should I drop? (any sense of shame, or stigma, or feeling it can be totally fixed).

Not sure if this helps any, but its something I am struggling with pretty badly atm as well. Hang in there.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 10:16 AM
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It does help, thank you. Sorry to hear you're going through it as well - I agree, doing whatever small things we can still do is a good starting point.
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