Not having friends - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Not having friends


I think it’s a struggle that most people with SA know, not having a lot of friends SUCKS. I dont even want a big group of friends just one or two close friends that I feel completely comfortable with would make me so happy. I also feel like it has gotten worse? Like I used to be able to make at least some friends in school but now that I am in uni I have 0 friends. I just cant communicate properly with anyone. I cant hold up a convo and I feel like everyone already has their own group of friends and they arent looking for more. How were u guys able to make friends? And not per se in uni but just in general
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 02:46 PM
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Ya, itís not just about ďnot having friends.Ē Itís about the gruelling effort it takes to fit in and deal with the exclusivity of it all before finding acceptance. Thatís why Iíll never find friends through work most likely, as I was never one to go out of my way to talk about nothing with others. Will have to put in effort into a hobby to meet people eventually, but even then itís tricky. I joined a ping pong league and my teammate was cool and all just lived a very busy homebound life. Thatís another thing, people are too busy with their own lives struggling to make a survival to actually focus on living aside from an hour or 2 of ping pong a week for example.
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 10:43 PM
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Friends have always been difficult for me to make. My advice would be to do things you are interested in with like minded people. Meetup groups are great to meet similar people with similar interests
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 02:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosaliesa View Post
I think it’s a struggle that most people with SA know, not having a lot of friends SUCKS. I dont even want a big group of friends just one or two close friends that I feel completely comfortable with would make me so happy. I also feel like it has gotten worse? Like I used to be able to make at least some friends in school but now that I am in uni I have 0 friends. I just cant communicate properly with anyone. I cant hold up a convo and I feel like everyone already has their own group of friends and they arent looking for more. How were u guys able to make friends? And not per se in uni but just in general
@rosaliesa
I think making friends takes a certain amount of vulnerability that you have to show. Because creating friends means creating bonds and sometimes that's uncomfortable to do. You have to share your story, you have to be genuine. You have to invest your heart.

You risk being rejected and being judged which is the main thing people with SA avoid. At least I have for a long time.. But, you know what.. No matter what I do someone will dislike me, hate me, judge me.

Can't do anything about that nor do I want to do anything about that. If someone feels that way they aren't meant to be a part of my life. It's been a hard lesson for me but everything's alright and will be alright for you too.

Hope I helped, Shoot me a message if you want a new friend. My circle's very close-knit and I don't tolerate any BS, toxicity or drama.

Live Fast, Die Fast; Don't Worry 'Bout the Crash - G.G. Allin
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 09:18 PM
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I don't have any friends and I'm 30. I have coworkers I talk to, but I don't feel like they are friends outside of work. I don't trust most of them enough.

It gets harder the older you get. I'm not sure if it would be easier or harder with having kids. I don't have kids.

You can message me as well if you need someone to talk to. I have one pen pal from here already. It helps to have someone to talk to, even online.

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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 08:31 PM
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I'm fortunate to have one friend but it would be nice to have one or two more.

It's hard for me to make friends. I think it's because I have trust issues. I always think people don't like me and are making fun of me.

My only friend made a lot of friends from work and I'm jealous.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-10-2019, 10:36 AM
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Hurts more and more each day. My work situation is a trainwreck at the moment and I have no one to vent to about it as I do not feel comfortable discussing with family members. Only person I discuss it with now is my therapist. No friends in real life, not now or ever.


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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-12-2019, 07:48 PM
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I understand this situation completely. Everyone knows the way most people make new friends is through pre-existing friends and when you don't have friends already the process is incredibly difficult. I have 1 person around my age I talk with at work quite a bit and we have recently began to text a little; she is the closest thing I have had to something resembling an actual friend in probably 10 years, but I still couldn't even begin to think about doing anything or hanging out with her outside of work. There are others I talk with at work, but as mentioned above we are "work" friends. I am trying to force myself to try going out more into social situations and seeing if osmosis takes place. I am also about to start therapy, maybe that could help as well.
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 10:00 AM

 
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 11:14 PM
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I'm not sure what worse, having no friends or no gf. Another problem is if you get a GF miraculously, she would find out that you have no friends, or if you get some friends they will think you are weird for not being able to get girls.
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 03:27 PM
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I know how you feel. I'm currently at the stage right now that I have an opportunity to try to connect w/ people similar to my situation or that I feel comfortable w/ or is nice. finding friends among SA'ers online is difficult too bc they can be afraid.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 03:36 PM
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It's better to have no friends than to have to "settle" for "friends" you don't like.

It's not necessary to have friends. I never had friends for most of my childhood until my last year of college - and I was better off back then.

If you have family, or pets, or even none of that - your existence can be ok with no real friends.

If you come across like me, "friends" you actually like are going to be bullying, toxic, and not real friends.
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 03:39 PM
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What about having real friends but feeling bad among them because you think you're a loser? I mean I rather have no friends
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by SASsier1 View Post
It's better to have no friends than to have to "settle" for "friends" you don't like.

It's not necessary to have friends. I never had friends for most of my childhood until my last year of college - and I was better off back then.

If you have family, or pets, or even none of that - your existence can be ok with no real friends.

If you come across like me, "friends" you actually like are going to be bullying, toxic, and not real friends.
Yes I have to have a good feeling about someone and that I can relate to in their personality and is nice before I can be friends with them but if you choose like that, you're probably or likely going to be lonely like me who doesn't have enough friends.
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Friends have always been difficult for me to make. My advice would be to do things you are interested in with like minded people. Meetup groups are great to meet similar people with similar interests
Not necessarily. For you, maybe.

I've gone to many meetups - all with interests/topics that I'm passionate about. But the more people share my interests, values, and worldview, the less they want anything to do with me.

People are very discriminatory, stigmatizing, and stereotyping.

Meetups are best for people who fit in to a decent degree, whether it's looks, vibe, ethnicity, etc.

In person, people are very visual, and they judge and mis-judge from looks. People need to have some sort of visual "chemistry" with you (for lack of a better word) in order to like you, have empathy, want to be with you, etc. People are extremely judgmental, crude, and complicated creatures.
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 11:27 PM
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My real friends are 100% from social anxiety meetups, or online (mostly this site). My acquaintances who might very loosely be termed "friends" but who I have no idea how they feel about me are from board game meetups and softball.

Personally, I'm just trying to accept that friends are a rare byproduct of doing things with people, and thus I must keep doing things even if it doesn't pay off for years and years. Finding things that I enjoy doing makes that much easier.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 04:37 AM
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My husband has a friend he always socialises with,I hate having people around and have no friends.I enjoy my own company but I get angry at hubby why does he need people I just want us to be in our world.I just feel like I want a separation as I can’t except this what do I do.I can chat to people at work but don’t want anybody getting close to me.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 06:49 AM
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I think having no friends can stem from a range of perspectives, situation, environment, growing up etc. Do you ever just look at people and think - I don't like you? Perhaps finding the right place to make friends would benefit you. Like taking up hobbies and randomly finding things in common with other people.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:16 AM
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No friends here. That's 'cause I'm a goddamn freak.

... Hold on, let me check my calendar. Nope, nothing planned for the rest of the year.
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 05:37 PM
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I am fortunate that I have wonderful people in my life that I know would be there for me at the drop of a hat if some kind of emergency came up. I am very grateful to have these people, and I do consider them my friends.

The part of friendship that is lacking for me is the day to day person to just hang out with. These friends I described above have very different social interests than me, live far away, etc. So when I want to go to a movie or go for a hike or whatever, I have no idea who to call and usually end up either not going or going alone. It's honestly mind-boggling to me that even with great supportive people I almost never am able to click with someone who shares my interests. I honestly wonder if it's some sort of sabotage that I'm doing while unaware. The people that I see in my daily life rarely make it past acquaintence.
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