Not even sure I want friends...
Thanks in advance to those who read the entire thing.....just curious what others think.
I've had one or two "friends" in the past (outside of work) but I always found it exhausting to spend time with them. Conversations were always about them and their interests. When it was finally my turn to share, a few sentences in it would be right back to them and their own personal drama. It felt like 90% of conversations we had, we would have over and over and over. So I stopped being available to hang out.
The one person I always enjoyed spending time with was my best friend in high school, we had some really good times. We both moved to different states after graduating and she has since become someone I don't even know anymore. We talk infrequently via text.
There are times when I think it would be nice to have one or two people to hang out with. Go out for lunch, see a movie.....but then when/if I have an opportunity to do so I am very reluctant. I start thinking I don't really want a social life outside of work and school and start to think of excuses for why I can't go but then feel guilty.
I do enjoy going out with co workers. We work in a small family owned business and there have been some get together's that were honestly really fun.
I'm attending a community college and get along well with my classmates, but there is one girl I'm finding....annoying. She always wants to hang out, tries to work around when I am available between work and school and now, when I say I am not free at a certain time, she is switching shifts with co workers so our schedules line up. I feel like that is a bit much. I didn't ask her too, and she didn't offer like, "hey, I can maybe switch with someone and we can hang out." it was just out of the blue. I feel guilty turning her down because here is someone who actually wants to be my friend and I can't be bothered. There are others in my classes who I would like to get to know but can't help thinking I'm horrible for this person not being "good enough".
I think I want friends but then feel annoyed so I keep to myself and then feel guilty/bored because I have to friends to do anything with.