Not even sure I want friends... - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 08:02 AM Thread Starter
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Not even sure I want friends...


Thanks in advance to those who read the entire thing.....just curious what others think.

I've had one or two "friends" in the past (outside of work) but I always found it exhausting to spend time with them. Conversations were always about them and their interests. When it was finally my turn to share, a few sentences in it would be right back to them and their own personal drama. It felt like 90% of conversations we had, we would have over and over and over. So I stopped being available to hang out.
The one person I always enjoyed spending time with was my best friend in high school, we had some really good times. We both moved to different states after graduating and she has since become someone I don't even know anymore. We talk infrequently via text.

There are times when I think it would be nice to have one or two people to hang out with. Go out for lunch, see a movie.....but then when/if I have an opportunity to do so I am very reluctant. I start thinking I don't really want a social life outside of work and school and start to think of excuses for why I can't go but then feel guilty.

I do enjoy going out with co workers. We work in a small family owned business and there have been some get together's that were honestly really fun.

I'm attending a community college and get along well with my classmates, but there is one girl I'm finding....annoying. She always wants to hang out, tries to work around when I am available between work and school and now, when I say I am not free at a certain time, she is switching shifts with co workers so our schedules line up. I feel like that is a bit much. I didn't ask her too, and she didn't offer like, "hey, I can maybe switch with someone and we can hang out." it was just out of the blue. I feel guilty turning her down because here is someone who actually wants to be my friend and I can't be bothered. There are others in my classes who I would like to get to know but can't help thinking I'm horrible for this person not being "good enough".

I think I want friends but then feel annoyed so I keep to myself and then feel guilty/bored because I have to friends to do anything with.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 09:30 PM
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I'm pretty sure that in my whole rest life I won't need that joke called "friends" anymore, I hadn't much of it, but I had it enough...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-04-2020, 11:14 PM
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Well from the sounds of it you are trying to force yourself to be friends with people you don’t like, just for the sake of having friends. Might I suggest joining a local club/group at your college? or picking up a hobby you are interested in? You might have a better chance of meeting likeminded people (or just ppl who are friendly and share similar interests) this way you can do a simple meet and greet in a group setting and ease your way into their group and get to know people. In any case I wish you the best of luck.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 10:39 AM
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This is a concept I've struggled with my entire life. I'm perfectly fine being all alone, but there are times when I want to connect with someone else. I think what I'm looking for is a partner who is also my best friend. We wouldn't need anyone else's company except each other. But, I realize how unlikely that's going to happen. There's no such thing as the perfect companion, but I'd rather be alone than be with others that I can't connect with.

When will the time come when we feel complete?
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 01:55 PM
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I wonder this more and more myself, but I don't even really have work friends or college friends. I want friendships, but I find life and people very exhausting. I get tired of people's social expectations and struggle to trust people enough to share more about myself even when they show genuine interest. Of course, there is the fact that I think I may be terribly uninteresting anyway. Had I been in the same situation as you where someone actually did want to spend time with me, I'd still struggle to do it.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturelives View Post
Well from the sounds of it you are trying to force yourself to be friends with people you don’t like, just for the sake of having friends. Might I suggest joining a local club/group at your college? or picking up a hobby you are interested in? You might have a better chance of meeting likeminded people (or just ppl who are friendly and share similar interests) this way you can do a simple meet and greet in a group setting and ease your way into their group and get to know people. In any case I wish you the best of luck.
I back this up 100%. That person is just not friend material for you, I would give up with that. You need to be selfish...the only way you're going to enjoy someone elses company is to pick someone. Now this may not be an option right now, but as Naturelives said above me, joining a group of some sort and forcing yourself to go once a week or fortnight is a great idea to meet likeminded people. You wont always want to be around these people either but you may at some point find a true friend. My main hobby is mountain biking...most of the time I ride alone but every now and then I'll ride with the local club and force myself into a social group. I dont always enjoy it but I know these are good, likeminded people and I need to push my boundaries if I'm ever going to improve on my SA and friendships.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 01:17 AM
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This sounds like a battle between being an introvert and being an extrovert. Maybe anxiety is holding you back, but you actually want to spend time with people?
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 03:56 AM
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Hey I think it's important to remember that you won't necessarily be great friends with everyone you meet, hence why you enjoyed some and didn't enjoy other friends. As for this girl who wants to hang out with you, is there anything that stops you wanting to be friends with her? If not, then why not give it a shot? Or, if you don't, let her know that you appreciate her efforts but don't necessarily want to be friends (probs word it better and more politely than that though!).x

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 04:42 AM
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I would want friends, but I'm tired of being friends with the wrong people.

I was friends with someone recently, but we didn't really click that well. She would constantly complain about the same stuff over and over again. I'm all for venting and being supportive, but every time is just draining. She would talk behind my back and other peoples backs too.



I had to move away and visited her last year. The whole weekend was just about her problems and spending hours and hours listening to it. When I tried to talk about something else she would just keep on talking about her problems.



I think it's better to be alone than with people that aren't good for you. Having friends can be great though, but it has to be with someone you click with and makes you feel good.




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