No interest in materialism, very apathetic - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 05:19 PM Thread Starter
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No interest in materialism, very apathetic


I've never really had any dreams or goals or ambition. During college or high school I never thought about the future, other people my age did, they made plans, I didn't care.
I went to school because everybody did it, that's life, you go to school and then you work. I've never been much of a creative thinker, I just go with the flow, I'm pretty much like a jellyfish, I got no aim.

So I never made choices. My parents send me to school as a kid, I did just about enough to get through it, Then everybody went to college, so did I because my parents said it would be easier to make a living. But I never thought about it, I picked a course just because I knew 3 other guys in that course. I never was able to grasp the importance of it all and then eventually you graduate in something I never cared for.

From this point on you on your own, I wasn't ready for it, I knew nothing and I still had no ambition or ideas of what I wanted in life.
Before all this my parents made decisions, suddenly it was my turn to contact companies, buy stuff on my own. Do this, do that. I was overwhelmed and I still am.

So here I am after 10 plus years I still live the life of a college student, I'm at home doing nothing of substance, I can't even cook or wash clothes and it's so so hard to try to change, to find purpose. How can I find something I can get passionate about? I don't think it exists for me. I was apathetic as a little kid and I still am. It's the way nature decided I was going to be.

The problem is you just don't fit in with this kind of living, you're weird, people talk about you, it all makes me very SA, it's never been as bad as it is now. Is there an alternative way of living, is there a place where I do feel less like an outcast? Maybe I should live in a forest from nature but obviously I wouldn't last a week without dying

Naturally I could try to care for something (I tried before), find a job (as hard as it is my age without experience) but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy (I wasn't happy going to school either). I'd have to do a boring job with colleagues I probably won't care for (I'm such a loner) and what would I do with the money apart from paying rent...

So what to do in life when I find it all pointless? I had hoped for a long time time would provide an answer but it never has. I feel just fine on my own but the moment I am in public I feel weird because I know there is not a single soul out there that thinks the way I do and I'm very embarrassed when people find out my way of living.

Sorry for another long post, I understand most people don't read all this but I always need so many words to try to make myself clear.

Thanks for reading
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 05:48 PM
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this is a natural reaction to the state of the world. i wouldn't over-moralise having to have goals etc./not having them. go with the flow is a beautiful way to be. just float on.


read tao te ching if you want spiritual justification for this kind of life. few other sources advocate for the position of ease, flow, laziness type of thing. people want to take up a position of power over you and will put you down. but this is not the real nature of things, this is society bs.



minimal life is low carbon footprint. easily defensible on that front. many careers not even return a positive net effect, they exist because of stupidity of the consumer. tourism waste of resources.



Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter 20
Give up learning, and put an end to your troubles.

Is there a difference between yes and no?
Is there a difference between good and evil?
Must I fear what others fear? What nonsense!
Other people are contented, enjoying the sacrificial feast of the ox.
In spring some go to the park, and climb the terrace,
But I alone am drifting not knowing where I am.
Like a new-born babe before it learns to smile,
I am alone, without a place to go.

Other have more than they need, but I alone have nothing.
I am a fool. Oh, yes! I am confused.
Other men are clear and bright,
But I alone am dim and weak.
Other men are sharp and clever,
But I alone am dull and stupid.
Oh, I drift like the waves of the sea.
Without direction, like the restless wind.

Everyone else is busy,
But I alone am aimless and depressed.
I am different.
I am nourished by the great mother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter 47
Without going outside, you may know the whole world.
Without looking through the window, you may see the ways of heaven.
The farther you go, the less you know.

Thus the sage knows without travelling;
He sees without looking;
He works without doing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter 26
The heavy is the root of the light.
The unmoved is the source of all movement.

Thus the Master travels all day
without leaving home.
However splendid the views,
she stays serenely in herself.

Why should the lord of the country
flit about like a fool?
If you let yourself be blown to and fro,
you lose touch with your root.
If you let restlessness move you,
you lose touch with who you are.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 06:43 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks Andy , that's a really cool reply. Chapter 20 pretty much sums up my feelings. The other 2 chapters are a bit mystic for now.
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 07:51 PM
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Life is a useless thing indeed...

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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 08:19 PM
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No interest in materialism, very apathetic


There’s nothing wrong with living a simple life but very few will praise you for it and it can in ways be detrimental to relationships/socializing within a capitalist society if you’re not constantly pressing for more or doing new things. You might take a look at where you’re living for starters, maybe a smaller city or a small town would be a better fit for you as an example

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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 01:26 AM
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I can relate.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 02:13 AM
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I've been the same. I never had much interest in school or further education, nor any idea of what I wanted to do. I still don't. Everone else seemed to have some idea of where they were going, if not a definite path mapped out.

The result is that I've drifted from job to job as opportunities came up. Some have been better than others, but most have been pretty dead-end. It doesn't feel like I've made a conscious choice to do any of them, more like they crossed my path and I gave them a go.

It's hard in this society where people judge you on your occupation. I too have felt the pain of people's negative judgements.

It sounds like you're almost anhedonic, i.e. you don't find much pleasure in anything.

For me, what makes life worth living is the stuff I do away from work. I'm creative, and my art gives me a mental boost that keeps me going.

It would help you a lot if you could find something you really enjoy and have a passion for. I know that's easier said than done, though.

I'm sorry I can't offer any more constructive advice.

I wish you the best of luck 🙂
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 05:52 AM
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hmm I'm more of an enthusiast. I've always been in interested in technology and learning to solve problems. Problem is, that's it's not cheap keeping up with the latest technology. But eventually I give in and try out new gear. Vinyl records, cassettes, 8-tracks, laserdiscs, vhs hi-fi, cds, dvds, blu-rays, etc., I've collected them all. Not to mention all the computers I've owned. Computers keep getting faster, TV's keep getting bigger. Hi-fi speakers, however, can last decades. The technology in Hi-Fi speakers hasn't changed in forever, one positive wire and one negative wire, voila! magic!

And I always thought this would be
the land of milk and honey
Oh but I came to find out that it's
all hate and money
And there's a canopy of greed holding me down.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 07:44 AM
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Wondering if your emptiness is from BPD, MDD, or neither.

Are you ALWAYS anhedonic?
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 08:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sabbath9 View Post
hmm I'm more of an enthusiast. I've always been in interested in technology and learning to solve problems. Problem is, that's it's not cheap keeping up with the latest technology. But eventually I give in and try out new gear. Vinyl records, cassettes, 8-tracks, laserdiscs, vhs hi-fi, cds, dvds, blu-rays, etc., I've collected them all. Not to mention all the computers I've owned. Computers keep getting faster, TV's keep getting bigger. Hi-fi speakers, however, can last decades. The technology in Hi-Fi speakers hasn't changed in forever, one positive wire and one negative wire, voila! magic!
Ah but there are many different types of speakers to try: electrostatic, magnaplanar, sealed vs ported, subwoofers, speakers with concentric drivers, ribbon tweeters vs dome tweeters, omnidirectional designs, bookshelf vs tower speakers, horn speakers...
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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 10:47 PM
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Yeah that sounds exactly like me. I never cared about stuff or had goals until it was too late. Just did stuff like school because it was expected and my parents made me do it.

That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

-Fiona Apple
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 05:45 PM
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@conantheworthless I'm convinced most people get married and have kids out of boredom. Seriously, what new and interesting things do you discover in life after 30 years old?
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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 06:36 PM Thread Starter
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@DeliveryDude well probably that and because it's expected of people.
True, I'm actually not looking forward to the 2nd half of my life. Can't imagine how I'll fill my days. I sometimes wish I was already 70 plus years old :-S
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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 06:44 PM
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Kinda Relate


I can kind of relate.

It's not so much that I don't have interests or goals but rather that I simply don't care about things the majority do.

What's more, it's very hard for me to adjust to adult life when I haven't been prepped for any of it. I don't understand laws, finances, car lingo, agreements, payment schemes, etc.

I only recently found out I don't have credit history. How was I supposed to know? Yeah, my parents didn't tell me. Well, neither did school. It's absurd.

I don't know how that plays into other things. It's these small things that upset me because my ignorance isn't willfully so. I would greatly love getting informed on things if there were proper guidelines and informative references to use for anything I would encounter in life. You know, like a manual for life.

Yes, the internet is probably one of the best resources to get grasping, but then this begs the question for what it is I should be asking. Anyone can query random junk on the net for nearly anything.

My issue is not knowing what to ask because I simply don't understand anything nor do I have insight into anything related to being independent. I conceptually understand what savings are, but I don't know the details when it comes to 401k, the relevance of having a bank account, etc.

EDIT:
Incidentally, I also didn't think or care about the future. I didn't give any thought to college and pretty much went in for the same reasons as you. I put in effort only because I thought everybody made a big deal about it for work and other things. Turns out it isn't that simple. Similar situation with parents.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

Last edited by That Random Guy; 08-10-2019 at 06:47 PM. Reason: edit
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 06:47 PM Thread Starter
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@That Random Guy I actually relate to what you said 100%. This is exactly how I feel.
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 07:08 PM
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I relate a bit as well. In terms of apathy...Im not materialistic and I dont make plans. I have no real goals I just do what I think I need to do to live a comfortable life but to also take care of others if need be. Sometimes I view life as a video game and Im just trying to level up. I like travelling but I dont do that often. I dont do much in general really. Ive always wondered where im supposed to get this passion from.
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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 02:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeliveryDude View Post
I'm convinced most people get married and have kids out of boredom. Seriously, what new and interesting things do you discover in life after 30 years old?
Yes I agree life & activities are set up for families & childhood is the most carefree time of most people's lives, so people older than 30 relive their childhood vicariously through their kids, my mother told me as much, it's a vicious cycle.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I've never really had any dreams or goals or ambition. During college or high school I never thought about the future, other people my age did, they made plans, I didn't care.
I went to school because everybody did it, that's life, you go to school and then you work. I've never been much of a creative thinker, I just go with the flow, I'm pretty much like a jellyfish, I got no aim.

So I never made choices. My parents send me to school as a kid, I did just about enough to get through it, Then everybody went to college, so did I because my parents said it would be easier to make a living. But I never thought about it, I picked a course just because I knew 3 other guys in that course. I never was able to grasp the importance of it all and then eventually you graduate in something I never cared for.

From this point on you on your own, I wasn't ready for it, I knew nothing and I still had no ambition or ideas of what I wanted in life.
Before all this my parents made decisions, suddenly it was my turn to contact companies, buy stuff on my own. Do this, do that. I was overwhelmed and I still am.

So here I am after 10 plus years I still live the life of a college student, I'm at home doing nothing of substance, I can't even cook or wash clothes and it's so so hard to try to change, to find purpose. How can I find something I can get passionate about? I don't think it exists for me. I was apathetic as a little kid and I still am. It's the way nature decided I was going to be.

The problem is you just don't fit in with this kind of living, you're weird, people talk about you, it all makes me very SA, it's never been as bad as it is now. Is there an alternative way of living, is there a place where I do feel less like an outcast? Maybe I should live in a forest from nature but obviously I wouldn't last a week without dying

Naturally I could try to care for something (I tried before), find a job (as hard as it is my age without experience) but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy (I wasn't happy going to school either). I'd have to do a boring job with colleagues I probably won't care for (I'm such a loner) and what would I do with the money apart from paying rent...

So what to do in life when I find it all pointless? I had hoped for a long time time would provide an answer but it never has. I feel just fine on my own but the moment I am in public I feel weird because I know there is not a single soul out there that thinks the way I do and I'm very embarrassed when people find out my way of living.

Sorry for another long post, I understand most people don't read all this but I always need so many words to try to make myself clear.

Thanks for reading

Hi there. If you were to have what you feel you need (a sustainable life in nature, independence etc), Would that solve your problem?


Or is there a deeper problem that overshadows everything for you?


Maybe something you can't put a name on? Something missing?
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbasGreen View Post
Hi there. If you were to have what you feel you need (a sustainable life in nature, independence etc), Would that solve your problem?


Or is there a deeper problem that overshadows everything for you?


Maybe something you can't put a name on? Something missing?
I honestly have no idea. Independence would be a good step forward I think, but it won't change my cluelessness about everything in the world. Some part of my brain must have stopped developing at an early age.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 03:09 PM
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I went through this in some ways. It was like being left in a jungle or ocean and having to learn to survive however my parents did give me some things that I remembered and that's what kept me safe once on my own. I had to learn a lot on my own though. It's a cycle that will continue for humans. This world is still a jungle and this materialism still has the "every man for himself" attitude. I can tell you from experience that I kinda went through this and made it to the other side towards independence, so I hope there is some benefit for you in what I'm about to say.



The first thing I'll tell you is that anything you do in life, if there is no purpose linked to it or meaning etc, there is going to be an emptiness that can never be filled. That's why even hollywood celebrities drowning in materialism are actually some of the most miserable people in life. Fulfilling your purpose keeps you connected to the ultimate instruction manual of life that all human beings are bound by. It nourishes you. Maybe that's why in some ways Your creator is driving you away from the pollution of modern day life and towards nature which is what he created. Nature is clean and nourishing. In Islam we believe there is a goodness in every humans heart (fitrah in Arabic) and they are given that at birth. Maybe your creator is driving you back towards purity and truth. Humans can sense impurity they have that ability but that sense can become corrupted. Materialist hearts are corrupted hearts. Obviously you are different which is good.



When I was thrown in the jungle to be on my own I was quite depressed for years and fighting for survival and life and I was really worried about ever getting anywhere in life. But then I started changing my attitude towards the depression and anxiety. I realised the anxiety and depression were actually pushing me to become strong. To seek peace. It was something good and a part of every human's design. In reality anxiety/depression can be good for you to take you out of your problems. It is actually a gift to help you survive. Imagine someone who can't perceive pain and gets their leg burnt on a motorcycle exhaust.


When I changed my attitude and realised what anxiety/depression was, I became more motivated and so my energy levels started slowly changing for the better. There is a link between mood and energy that's why for example a parent scared to death for a spider near their child would run to kill the spider even if only a second ago they were taking it easy watching tv and lethargic.


When I came to be on my own I realised I didn't have what i needed to be independent. In some ways previous generations do have some contribution to that but I couldn't give in. You have to look at the good of whatever resources and benefit from that. That will give you what you need to find yourself. Use them to get where you want to be.



Contentment and simplicity are massive helpers in today's world. I used this anxiety as an opportunity to explore how to live as much as I can without depending on the dollar. If I can learn how to survive off the abundance of nature (without electricity and modern conveniences) I could survive anywhere. This actually redefines poverty and wealth for us. I used to see many people in the corporate world they were wealthy but they were actually in poverty. You would be surpised to see how much we pay for seeking health/security which can be achieved without money. (By the way money is paper now, it used to be gold/silver)



Studying these things keeps me busy and is so interesting because the benefits you get are free time and freedom from the oppression of the banking system and massive enslavement to loans you won't be able to pay back just for a rood over your head. Your health increases, mood too. You get to learn about the real causes of modern disease and cures that the most advanced western sciences can't even solve. I can learn about herbal medicine etc and living in simple shelters. I haven't gone to extremes I still use electricity etc but my point is I'm trying to reduce my dependency on these things.



Anyway you get my point.


I hope that helps
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