Negative mind reading
Does anyone else have a problem with this?
Itís really causing some huge problems in my relationship with my friend. I have a major problem thinking negative things about him and then projecting those thoughts on to him. During fights I have a tendency to twist certain things he says to mean the worst possible things and Iíve often said them to him. Obviously it really pisses him off that I always seem to Ďthinkí and Ďspeakí for him, and what I say that I think heís thinking is always the worst possible case scenario. For instance he said that something I said sounded as if I was thinking about committing suicide. My response to that was, No Iím not going to commit suicide, but that isnít something you should even care about. Meaning that since I had already assumed that he was going to cut all contact with me, I felt if he didnít want to be my friend anymore, then why the hell should he even care anymore if I died?
Anyway itís gotten so bad that he has said that if I donít change this attitude of thinking negatively about everyone and continue to project my negative thoughts on him and Ďspeakí and Ďthinkí for him, that he will cut all contact with me and end the friendship. This is harsh, but I understand how much it frustrates and hurts him that I make him out to be this heartless villain in my mind sometimes when that isnít who he is. He says I donít give him the benefit of the doubt ever. If I see him tomorrow or the next day, Iím kind of scared to talk to him now because I donít trust the things that I will say.
Does anyone else constantly think the worst about everybody? And does anyone have any advice on how I can help myself not do this anymore. I really donít want to lose my friend, I already feel so awful as it is knowing that Iím screwing up a good thing here because I donít know how to act with a person Iím close to. All these negative and hateful feelings about myself inside me just seem to cloud my judgment about people, and so I demonize them to be these horrible people that are out to hurt and use me. I really do need help. I will talk to my therapist about this on Tuesday, but please if anybody has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.