Before you read below, please read my first post in this thread- http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...m-guys-116799/
Ok so assuming you read my first post, here;s an update. Long read, but I havent been this upset about my life in many years.
Things have taken a turn for the worst and I am VERY upset right now.
I was talking to my Sister about how i'm going to hang out with the guys. She knows all of my bro in laws friends/family. I was saying "yeah were just going to go for an hour or two, eat at the bar, and play some games".
She was like "that's not what there going to do." They ALL will be drinking at the bar getting drunk and they are not playing any games, they will be there for mabye 3 or 4 hours to sober up before leaving, and my bro in laws best friend gets really loud and crazy drunk and if nobody is drinking he buys them a drink and tells them to drink.They do this once in a while, she has been to this before (she drinks though). It is for wedding party guys only this time, but normally all these guys are who my bro in law hangs with. They are ok sober, but act really "macho" when drunk.
My Sister suggested I call Tuesday and say i'm sick and cant make it, she said they are not the type of guys I would be comfortable around, but that was always the excuse I made for not going, and I feel like a coward.
I dont know if any of you know, but I do NOT drink any alchohol of any kind. If i'm drinking anything but a beer or something I will be the odd man out and i'm nervous that guy will really bug me to drink, i've seen him drunk and he totally changes who he is and acts nuts. (they all drink, so except for me that would be a GOOD thing having him buy a drink for them)
I did not know any of this when I said Yes to going. I was planning on having a quick dinner, and then play games for the rest of the night, but this is not the case. My brother in law does not know I talked to my Sister about this, and she told me not to tell him where I found out about the party.
So if my brother in law knows I am shy and doesnt drink, why did he invite me to this in the first place, or at least why not mention we will be drinking, are you ok being there?
I feel like the worst guy on earth right now. I REALLY wanted to go and be with guys my own age and be normal, to finally hang out and have fun. But, the "fun" they are having is NOT the fun I am comfortable to have, I will be bored sitting for 3 or 4 hours, nervous, and feel really pressured to drink, and leaving to play games when they are all sitting down is rude and being the youngest playing games when they are all hanging out chillin and the bar seems immature on my part. I cant just get up and leave, and if things got bad my Dad would have to pick me up cause my BIL is drinking and wont be able to drive for a while, how embarassing, my dad pick me up from a night with the guys.
If I had a guy friend, I would have just asked to bring him and explained to my BIL that I would be more comfortable if he came, i'm sure he would allow me, so that way I would not feel akward and be alone, and if I felt nervous I could just go home with him and not look weird. I would have went then. I have 0 friends to invite though.
I was thinking, to offer to go to Dave & Busters with my BIL, just us 2 one night (no drinking), and just go and have an appetizer or just play games for an hour or two, my treat, to make up for if I dont go to this. At least then I can say I did something with him for once and made an effort. But I still wont be hanging out with a normal group of guys, my BIL will always accept me for who I am cause were going to be related. I really want acceptance from strangers my age.
I dont know what to do, I dont feel like a normal guy now, and this felt like my last chance to be accepted by guys not related. Here is a list of pro's and cons for going.
Pro's in going- Hanging out with guys my age, dinner, doing something actually, being there for my BIL, showing I am not a coward with everything, mabye they would think i'm cool and want to be friends with me after hanging out with them, making friends since they are popular guys and have a lot of other friends/lady friends my age,
impressing a girl I know and have a crush on who is VERY close to these guys and likes to drink (even if I didnt drink), being invited out more if they had fun with me there and ask for me.
Con's in going-Possibly being very bored doing nothing for 4 hours, being pressured to drink beer when i dont want to and I might get upset, being extremely out of my comfort zone and getting so nervous I have to call my dad to pick me up and lose all dignity I had left in me in front of all the guys, being teased by most of the guys for not being like a man and feeling worse than ever, being a tag along and ruining the whole outing by not fitting in, making it obvious I have SA when nobody except my BIL even thinks I have it (yes, I have spoken to these people before and they think I work and have a gf and am normal)
Cons in not going- possibly dissapointing my BIL if he doesnt understand my reason, losing all self respect for myself as a person, never having a normal life as after this nobody will ever invite me out, never being one of the guys like I am supposed to be and having a chance at making guy friends, showing a girl I really care about i'm not a "real" guy and that i'm a chicken and I never do anything bold and she might not accept me when I really want to impress her by doing something bold, letting my SA/personality ruin my life again, being alone all the time cause I never go out anywhere.
HELP! What do I do, I have to tell my brother in law, I have to call him before this get together!