Okay, so this is REALLY weird and I don't know if anyone else does it. I can't watch TV shows or movies because I'm scared that the people who are watching them with me might think I have a crush on certain character when in reality, my eyes are just really big and to watch tv or movies, I stare at what's happening very intensely! I have always had this problem. It was most likely caused because my sister said that I was looking at some random dude on the tv screen very intensely. She basically said I had a crush on him in front of everyone, when I don't. I know, this sounds like a petty 12 year old thing, but It's true. Here's the thing, I always do this to take in everything that's going on, on the screen. I guess I overreact to certain scenes as well because I'm really invested and can be extremely emotional. LOL Also, I have a very expressive face and eyes. I tend to squish my face and react all crazily, but that's because I genuinely observe what's happening as if It were right there happening in real life. Weird, I know, but that's something I do related to SA. My sister still tells my other sister that I have a crush on everyone I look at that's on freaking television to this day!
What Have I done???
Also, I try to avoid people because whenever I talk to them, (even girls) my face gets red. I hate interacting with people that much! I just want it to be done and over with. Often, I think that they are judging me so naturally, I get embarrassed, but it's not a normal kind of embarrassed it's more of a overthinking what they just said and thinking that they are going behind my back and talking about me kind of thing. My mind will say "they are totally making fun of you right now!" This does go hand in hand with the stupid 12 year old like crush thing and I hate it! It leads people to believe I'm lesbian or have a crush on anyone I meet! (which there is nothing wrong with, I'm just straight as a freakin board) (forgive me if I don't know how to spell straight LOL) This also has to do with the fact that I am extremely awkward and introverted. I cannot for the life of me, talk to one person without sounding like a complete idiot! I feel so much pressure to be liked and that's just never gonna happen!
It doesn't help that I have a sister that is loved by everyone and she is so freaking pretty. She could be a model. So yeah, she's the perfect and successful one, while I'm here lookin like a dork and letting my family down. You've seen awkward handshakes, I firmly believe that's the type of handshake I would give. I just think, I'm that kind of person. So there's that. My humor absolutely sucks and I avoid making jokes as much as possible too.
I am not a normal girl, I will give you that! I don't like meeting people and it has to do with how awkward I am. I can't carry on or start a conversation because I'm so awkward that people avoid me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do when it comes to real life so I often record how I sound when I speak and try to practice speaking with confidence.It helps a little bit, but phone conversations are still weird because I can't think of anything to talk about.
Those are some really weird things I do because of social anxiety.