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-   -   My life is so boring because I've basically isolated myself besides work and the random... (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/my-life-is-so-boring-because-ive-basically-isolated-myself-2231685/)

DeliveryDude 03-23-2020 06:01 PM

My life is so boring because I've basically isolated myself besides work and the random...
 
concert or movie. There's no one to push me or support me so I end up browsing the net and watching tv all day with no real interest in any of it. For a while I used alcohol to distract me, but now that causes more hangover issues than the pleasure from the high so I'm cutting it out. Kind of at a dead end with no idea how to get excited about anything anymore. In my 20's I still had hope but my 30's have mostly been uneventful unless I have to stress out about a family thing or some social appearance I have to make.


I guess I could try therapy for a 3rd time (once around 18 and then around 27) but do I really wanna waste money on that ****? Pretty much paying for a friend. Anyways, some of you seem to do fine without friends, but I find it very stressful to do social things alone. Even going to the dog park becomes tiring because I hate dealing with people.



How do I enjoy life?

aqwsderf 03-23-2020 08:30 PM

20 Attachment(s)
My life is pretty boring too. And that's usually okay cause I'm a pretty boring person. (Don't even drink) 😛

The biggest thing I'm trying to do is just travel more. That's something that I still get excited about. But it's not something that can happen frequently.

Honestly if I didn't have my family, idk how I would cope. I don't like doing things alone either.

Ferrox 03-25-2020 11:32 AM

Its quite likely that the way you are framing how you are experiencing life and the meaning you have of the words you have written and have in your mind, are the cause of why you feel as you do, or they a key component.

This is not your fault or anyone's really, since we are all raised to live life in a particular & narrow way and to believe in a long list of things, and of thing that we should/shouldn't do, what is right and wrong, good/bad, etc etc. All of these things just come down to opinions and so they do not exist in reality - we just think they are real or that they really exist.

Boredom, for example, is a self-created state, caused by the massive overstimulation of the mind and also, by the inculcation of the idea that "we must always be doing". This is an idea which is deeply woven into the fabric of our society and which we see manifested in numerous ways, but it is rarely blatantly expressed in such a way.
No-one teaches us how to do nothing and yet, it is important for all of us to do just that. There is actually nothing for us to "do" anyway, once we have taken care of our biological needs, the same way all other living things do.
We are the only living thing that doesn't understand doing nothing and also, we are the only species which perpetually engages in things that have nothing to do with meeting our needs. Despite all our grandiose opinions of ourselves and of our greatness, humans have not improved on what nature has already provided - not one iota.

The feeling we call boredom comes about as a reaction of not having something to distract our mind. And what often happens in this situation is that because it is not a state that we are familiar with, we immediately try to escape this feeling, by finding something to do or by reaching out to someone, or by going online, etc.
In addition to this response, thoughts that we'd rather not have come to our mind and our response is the same - we try to escape/runaway from those thoughts by seeking some form of distraction.

The key to solving the boredom issue, is to face what you seek to avoid. And once you do that, over time, you won't be sacred of nothing, of stillness and quietness.
And if you want to go further, you can explore the thoughts you may have and question their validity (they won't have any btw).

So how do you enjoy life?

By seeing what is preventing you from doing so. You need to explore all the thoughts that come to your mind and then question them - all of them. Also, the thoughts you have are not yours or anyone else's. They are just thoughts and we don't know why they come to us, when they do, or why which ones come.

You may not feel like you have happiness (or anyone else who suffers too), but you actually have your real happiness right now. Its just that because you are suffering, you are unable to experience that happiness. Suffering is a like a block or barrier or a wall to your happiness.
This happiness is the same one you probably had as a child and it is just sitting there. Always has been, always will do. Its the same for all of us.

Suffering, in all its forms, is the only barrier to experiencing true uninterrupted happiness and peace. Once you remove all suffering, what is left is that peace and happiness you had as a child. Happiness cannot be ended by anything external to your mind and likewise, happiness cannot be created or obtained by anything external to your mind.
This is why billionaires can be just as unhappy as people who are homeless or people who have very little.

I can send you resources to flesh out some of the above, if you are interested. Glad to chat/help too.

DeliveryDude 03-25-2020 04:16 PM

I used to have distractions but those interests/hobbies are no longer stimulating and I'm having a hard time finding something new and exciting. I feel like I waste so much time doing nothing. When I was younger I had the same problems but i still enjoyed waking up and doing stuff.



I would be interested in those resources though.

Ferrox 03-26-2020 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeliveryDude (Post 1093911205)
I used to have distractions but those interests/hobbies are no longer stimulating and I'm having a hard time finding something new and exciting.

This is one aspect of overstimulation of the brain and mind, in that past interests no longer provide what they did. This is similar to a drug user who needs an ever greater dose to get the same effect that lower doses of the drug used to give them.
This aspect is to do with novelty, which the brain is very fond of and how the mind and brain adjusts to what we have had as being the new normal after a period of time or iterations of something.
This is observable when a child gets a new toy. After a short time, the child tires of the toy and is gets discarded, often in the pile of other previously new toys.
And also, because of the expectation that has been placed on the toy, by the parents/other adults and by the child, perhaps by seeing adverts for the toy, or some TV show/program, etc. which featured the toy.
As adults, we do this with grown up toys, like cars, houses, furniture, interior decoration, work, relationships, hobbies, sports, travel & other experiences, consumption, sex, money and more.

The key cause of this is the placing of the responsibility on some external thing (“X”) to give is what we all most seek (which is peace and happiness), but "X" can never do that, because its an impossibility. X also includes people.
Because external things cannot possibly provide us with what we want, we end up being disappointed, frustrated, angry, depressed and people can seek more or stronger versions of what they thought would give them what they wanted.

In addition, because we have all been conditioned, taught and manipulated to seek excitement in life (and that excitement = living), not getting excitement can become a problem for some people. And the more excitement a person gets, the more they will need in order to reach the same level of pleasure in the brain & the mind. Its a journey that has no good end. Excitement is stimulation of the mind, which acts much like a drug does.

My recommendation is to look to de-stimulate your mind and brain, by abstinence and discovering the peace and calm that will come from reducing the stimulation level in your mind and brain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeliveryDude (Post 1093911205)
I feel like I waste so much time doing nothing. When I was younger I had the same problems but i still enjoyed waking up and doing stuff.

You are not wasting any time. Its the same for everyone too. And also, time does not actually exist. It is a human invention, in an attempt to measure movement.

There is no pre-determined way that you should live your life. You just think there is because of how you have been conditioned/programmed/taught to think about life and because you see everyone else doing/acting/living the same/similar way. And also, you probably believe you have a certain amount of years before you will die and therefore, you need to use the time you have “productively” and "not waste time”.

But no-one actually has a natural pre-set way of living or that they will be alive for a particular amount of years. You don’t know what will happen in your life or when you will die. Its the same for everyone.

And so most likely, this pre-set idea about life and living is foremost in your mind, (as it is for almost everyone) with a set of pre-determined expectations, assumptions, beliefs, ideas, concepts and targets/goals/stages, about what should happen/be in your life. And all these things heavily influence the choices and decisions that you make and your perception of life too.
Its like driving. You steer the vehicle so it only ever travels on the road, that has been pre-made with signs along the way telling you do this/don't do that. You ensure that you don’t mount the sidewalk/pavement, drive the vehicle into the woods or the forests, hit people, hit houses, hit animals, etc.
But we don’t have any actual roads in our minds naturally. Its all been imposed on us and this imposition has framed life in the way we are all living.
You see how, despite there being 7.5 billion people on then planet, almost everyone is behaving/talking/doing more or less the same ways you are, every single day.

This way of living has been imposed on you (and everyone else) from a very young age and it is not natural.
We only ever have “now” or the present moment, but most people "live" in the future and the past and their minds flip between both states millions of times each day. Thus, they cannot actually experience the now, while their mind is in the future or the past.


Quote:

Originally Posted by DeliveryDude (Post 1093911205)
I would be interested in those resources though.

I will send you some via PM.

Ferrox 03-26-2020 06:24 AM

For clarity, all that you want/don't want in life is addressable by you understanding your mind and the thoughts you choose to give attention to and especially, your ego (aka self-image).

Here are a few things that have helped me.
I am unable to send PM's or post links, so posting the youtube search terms here.

Noah Elkrief Social Anxiety

Noah Elkrief What is happiness &
Noah Elkrief How To Be Happy In Life & Why You Aren't Already Happy

Sadhguru How Can the Mind Be Quiet?

Noah Elkrief How To Live In The Moment - The Fundamentals

What is Mindfulness? Simple answers, profound meaning.

If you want to address something else, let me know.

Happy to chat too.


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