My dad is a well respected man who dedicated his life for his family. He made many sacrifices in order to provide the best for me, my 2 sisters, my mom, my grandmother, my 2 uncles and my aunt. And that's without counting all the other people's lives he had a positive effect on. My dad is all about giving to others, he worked his whole life, worked really hard in order to do so.
My grandfather died when my dad was 10, he was the oldest son and carried the weight of the whole family on his shoulders.
Having said all this, my dad never connected with me on a personal level...I've never been able to relate to him. We are different in so many ways. We think differently. When I was a kid and growing up, he was very critical of me for many things, often said things that hurt me alot, probably because he never really understood me or took the time to do so. He is old fashioned and a man with principles. But there is a mentality, generation gap between us. I consider myself open minded, but he isn't.
Not sure where I am going with this...but I was sitting at the dinner table with him today, just me and him and he started asking me questions. Questions about my future and stuff. I have such a hard time talking to him and feel a little anxious when around him, or at least when he brings up serious conversations. I will never EVER be able to accomplish what he's done. I will also never be able to live up to his standards. I'm his only son, and I can see it in his eyes that I didn't turn out the way he hoped me to be.
One of these day I will have to let him know what I really have on my mind. Tell him that I'm not like him. My idea of life is not the same as his. I want to live my life on my own terms. But sometimes I feel like I owe something to him, like I have to pay him back for all the good things he's done to us....
Can anyone else relate?