My dad is a well respected man who dedicated his life for his family. He made many sacrifices in order to provide the best for me, my 2 sisters, my mom, my grandmother, my 2 uncles and my aunt. And that's without counting all the other people's lives he had a positive effect on. My dad is all about giving to others, he worked his whole life, worked really hard in order to do so.
My grandfather died when my dad was 10, he was the oldest son and carried the weight of the whole family on his shoulders.
Having said all this, my dad never connected with me on a personal level...I've never been able to relate to him. We are different in so many ways. We think differently. When I was a kid and growing up, he was very critical of me for many things, often said things that hurt me alot, probably because he never really understood me or took the time to do so. He is old fashioned and a man with principles. But there is a mentality, generation gap between us. I consider myself open minded, but he isn't.
Not sure where I am going with this...but I was sitting at the dinner table with him today, just me and him and he started asking me questions. Questions about my future and stuff. I have such a hard time talking to him and feel a little anxious when around him, or at least when he brings up serious conversations. I will never EVER be able to accomplish what he's done. I will also never be able to live up to his standards. I'm his only son, and I can see it in his eyes that I didn't turn out the way he hoped me to be.
One of these day I will have to let him know what I really have on my mind. Tell him that I'm not like him. My idea of life is not the same as his. I want to live my life on my own terms. But sometimes I feel like I owe something to him, like I have to pay him back for all the good things he's done to us....
Can anyone else relate?
Oh yeah, my father and me never got along. He verbally and physically abused me from the time that I was a kid. When I was younger, he used a belt. When I grew older, the loser used his fists.
He is the reason I have all of my anger. He forced me to do things when I was younger that I didn't want to do. You could never please him. He loved to bring up the past. He loved to pick on me, to get a rise out of me, so he could have an excuse to hit me.
The last time we fought, for one of the few times, I hit him back. Now I am tall, but he is wide. The coward bit me like a little kid. I kicked him in the nuts hard as hell. I am not condoning violence at all, I have always hated conflict. But, when you constantly push a person time after time, enough is enough. I can't wait until the a------ dies. I am going to celebrate!
Oh one other thing that I thought of that he used to do. He used to say, seriously, "I am baddest SOB in the world. Nobody can beat me". He always used to threaten other people that he would kick their butt if he didn't get his way, but the only persons he beat on were my mother, sister, and myself. YOU DON'T HIT A WOMAN! When he attacked them, then I threw punches at him. I didn't mean to get off on a tangent.
I can relate to this somewhat. My dad has definitely influenced my SA in more ways than I even know.
My dads father died when my dad was 19 and because he was the oldest he basically ran the family for several years after. This made him a very hardworking and successful man but he has never gotten over his dads death and this has made him do some rather bad things.
My dad used to leave me in the car when he would go gamble for several hours and this caused me to have panic attacks even to this day. It screwed me up real good.
My dad was/is always critical of me for everything I do. As such, even to this day I feel like there is nothing I can do that would make him proud.
I assure you that even if your dad has done many great things, he has probably done a lot of bad things as well. I didnt even realize all the bad things my dad has done until it was pointed out to me by others. I just assumed that my family was normal but when I compare my family to others, it is apparent that my family is very dysfunctional.
I think you should consider going to family counseling with your dad. I think its important that your dad knows how you feel. Its hard to talk to my own dad about "real" things and not just superficial conversation.
Recently I was able to tell him about how him leaving me in the car to go gamble made me feel abandoned and gave me panic attacks. It was hard to tell him but I think it sort of gave him an "Ah ha" moment about my social phobia.
I still haven't told him that I feel like there is nothing I can do to make him proud. I think I would probably have to be in a therapy setting to tell him something that big.
I myself have had issues with my father. I however have never wanted to be like him or even care if I live up to his standards. I don't really care if I ever see him again either. I honestly blame a lot of my issues on him. He left my mother with a baby twice and never went to the hospital, he has never lived with me and my sisters. He basically deserted us and left my mother alone with the burden of taking care of 3 children. He has various other children too, and has never stayed with any of the women he has had children with. I honestly hate him, he deserves to be alone and die a death filled with solitude. I remember when I was younger he used to call me on fathers day so I could congratulate him and I did not knowing what a sick and piece of crap person he is. I mean really, he doesn't even deserve the right to be called father. The nerve on him to think he actually deserved praise, arrrrrggh. He struck me various times when I was young too, and my mother let him which is something that really pisses me off to this day. To think the only person that really loves me let some poor ******* strike his child. I even remember once he trapped my hand in a window to the point where I instantly started crying because it felt like he was gonna break my wrist. I really hope he dares to raise his hand at me today, I will have a fury of fists to greet him.
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