Thats sucks dude. You're passing up stuff that you want to do because of your SA. Usually people claim that they dont want to go out but this is an example of you wanting to do it and not doing it because of SA. I think you need to make a decision if you're going to live the rest of your life not doing things because of SA or if you're going to do them despite it. I think I would be much happier going on the date and failing than not going out at all.
Being in a relationship with SA sucks because you're needy as hell and you're always insecure. Personally, I think its extremely difficult for somebody with SA to have a relationship, especially a man, because they're expected to be the strong one in the relationship.
I suggest you go out and live your life despite your SA but I would also suggest working on it. Sitting in your room till you're "fixed" isnt going to help you at all. Keep living your life but make an active attempt to change.
I suggest listening to "The bluepring decoded" by Real social Dynamics and the "The power of Now" by Eckart Tolle.
I appreciate the input, but lets get something straight real fast. I DO NOT just sit in my room. I Work in assphault construstion 6-7 days a week from April to Novemeber(sometimes december) I do meet people here and there, but its always in some sort of social drinking setting, bars, whatever.
I just overtime have developed even more anxiety when it comes to relationships, especially because of the one girl I saw when I was 16 because I feel like not only did I let myself down, I let her down as well. May sound corny, but both of us had ALOT of love for each other for a long time, but when we finally expressed that, I was so insecure that I acted in a way that she hadn't seen before. And that weighs on me, every day. I can't say I still love her, the last time we hung out(maybe a year ago) she left my house on bad terms, again, my fault.
I don't think about her much anymore, but its the type of feeling you have for someone that IF I were to run into her tommorrow at the local bars or something, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd bet money I'd have butterflies running round my stomache all over again.
Anyways, I have read the power of now, have studied the teachings of Mooji, Papaji, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Ramana Marashi and yeah, that stuff is TRULY powerful.
I have only had two times(thanks to Eckhart Tolle's bookes) where I seriously went into the state of "no mind" The most peaceful, blissful state I have ever experienced. I'm aware I can do it again, but realistically, now(no pun intended) is not the time.
When I did do those practices of being the whitnesser of the thought, not the owner, the witnesser of the ego, in a completely pure state of nothin but awareness. I didn't want to function, I didn't feel I needed to. I'd sit on the porch and watch the birds, thats it.
The whole idea of "no mind" or enlightenment, whatever you want to call it can solve everyone's problems with their own mind... no matter what the case and ESPECIALLY SA.
But as my SA diminished those two times, I had my parents on my back to get a job... I didn't want one, like I said, wanted to sit on the porch, watch the birds, go for long walks, observe other people, my friends family memebers whatever. I can't find an in between of no mind and ambition. I felt it the first time I finally reached the state. But ever since then, if I go there, I have no ambitions, I have nothing, just am and that doesn't sit well with everyone around. And eventually, they batter me to the point where my ego comes back(and I can hear it comming) and I eventually let it out and am back where I started.
When the time is right, hopefully one day when I have enough money to support myself, I'll go back down that road... I probobly go down that road this winter as I ONLY work in the summer. But when you tell your parents(who I live with) "I don't need to do anything, all that will happen will happen, and its fine the way it is."
They just think I'm crazy. Our society doesn't support such states of being, period.
I'll look into this "blueprint decoded