Thank you SO much for posting this. It's almost 4am here but I could not go to sleep until I watched the whole documentary. It was fascinating and heartbreaking and inspiring and beautiful. I was in tears watching it and holding back tears as I write this. I can identify with SO much of what the people in the video said.
I didn't know there was a name for how I am. I didn't know that other people felt like this; I felt like I was alone, and I know now that I am not.
When they showed the little girl who did not talk at all in school, talking at home a mile a minute- that was me. I always felt like I could get through the school day because as soon as I could get to my house, I could be the real me again. I think that's why I never turned to alcohol; never got depressed or contemplated suicide; because I had a safe haven at home...
No one knows how desperately I struggle with this; I did not intend to tell my mom or sisters (my dad passed away last May) because I don't want them to feel sorry for me; I don't want my mom to feel bad because she didn't get help for me; how COULD she when I was so adept at hiding how bad things were for me?
It also really struck me when they were mentioned that this runs in families. We have never talked much about this, but my dad and mom were always homebodies- never socialized much. My dad didn't graduate; instead getting his GED. Why? Because he had to take a speech class and it was impossible for him to get up and give the speech. My mom was 28 before she got her license (I still don't have mine yet.) My aunt did not get hers until she was in her 20s. My grandmother had certain things about her, when I look back, that lead me to believe that this may have been an issue for her as well.
Wow. I can't get over this. My boyfriend and I are spending the weekend together and I am going to show him this video; he's been trying to help me figure out why I have so many fears, and I can't wait to show this to him. After he and I talk, I am going to post this on facebook and out myself. I want everyone to know about this so that if anyone else I know is going through it, they can watch the video and feel hope.
The outsider of the outsider. That is just how I felt in school.
Sorry for going on and on... I just am so emotional right now... if I wasn't so exhausted this would no doubt be longer (and more coherent lol...)
Thank you for posting this, xTKsaucex. I owe ya five bucks!