Looking to help people - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-15-2009, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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Looking to help people


Hey all,

I'm trying to create a blog on things like becoming social, outgoing, confident, etc as I have gone through a transformation in the last 12-24 months that has seen me go from someone who was extremely anxious and had no friends to someone who now has an awesome social life.

However, it is hard to think of what I've done to overcome this. So I'm looking for questions from you, and I will see what I can come up with from my personal experience. I'm not going to put a blog link up yet as it is still a work in prgoress.

Thanks for your input
Jase
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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I think if you want to help people you should take the time to read and respond to their posts individually. This is a great way to let them know you care and since you have a high social status, it would make them feel even more special because you took the time to talk to and relate with them.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 12:06 PM
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I actually think this is a good way to do it.

So let me start...

What was the most important decision, or the most important thing you did in order to change ?
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 12:19 PM
 
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Did you cause this transformation, or is it more something that happened TO you?
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 12:34 PM
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Great job on the transformation and for helping others!

My questions:
1. How did you make all your new friends?
2. What gave you the courage to push beyond the anxiety to meet all these new people?
3. What were the first few changes you made in your life once you decided to change?

Thanks for the help, and good luck in your new life. I hope to be in your position really soon.

"Live right now- just be yourself.
Doesn't matter if it's good enough
for someone else." - Jimmy Eat World
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 01:57 PM
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Read mine! </shameless self-promotion>

I'm a woman. I don't like children. I don't hate the way I look.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-16-2009, 04:04 PM
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were there psychological thoughts you went through or physical? for example did you start exercising every day and going to bed earlier or did you say that the moment you started questioning yourself you would immediately concentrate on something else?

also, did you defeat your anxiety alone or with help? please specify if the help was intended (like you told your parents) or if it was unintentional (you just subjected yourself to more and more social contact until people grew on you).
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 02:15 AM Thread Starter
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@LA_Resistance - for me it wasn't so much what I did but what I was 'pushed' into. I was given the task of sitting with the new girl to train her on reception. I had no choice but to talk to her, but she was really friendly so I became more comfortable. I had basic stuff to talk to her about like our careers, the company etc. Because she was so easy to talk to I rarely got nervous. After that week I was confused, but slowly began to realise that I did it. I had an awesome conversation and from there it was just easier to push my boundaries and make changes. It still took me a year or so to be more talkative and confident.

@onedimension - I made the transformation but the initial push was the above event.

@Freedom2010 - Q1 Step by step, I met a group through the gumtree site, then I went to a small dinner event on a social event site (picked a small one because I was really nervous) then went to a trivia night and met some of my current close friends. The good thing about social events is most of the people are social so they will engage you and I find at that time its much easier to be reactive than active ie. responding. Q2 - Each step gave me courage - I chatted to one or two people at work and emailed them to see if they wanted to hang out. But the best way is to picture your goal (make a friend for example) then work out the smallest steps that you're comfortable with. You can't just jump to that goal. Q3 - Thats a hard question. I guess I pushed myself by talking more at work because with work when the nerves get too much or you can't think of what to say you can just get back to your work and there's no weirdness as its completely normal. So that way I was able to push my conversational skills one inch at a time.

@wxolue - I unfortunately didn't discover the distraction/concentration technique back then, I mainly use it now for any situations that make me nervous. I basically just stop thinking and focus intently on something else. Q2 - Well with social anxiety its not something you overcome without other people, but I didn't specifically get help from anyone. It was just unintentional, as I began to improve I found opportunities to meet people and it grew from there.

Hope that helps
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 02:46 AM
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Was there literally a moment when you decided "now I am going to change"? Or did you sort of ease into this transformation without too much conscious thought?
What kept you motivated to change yourself? Did you have any kind of mantra or personal affirmation?
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 03:26 PM
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this is a great thread cheers for the transformation

"Identity Level Change; Total Self Trust and Never Looking Back"

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