looking people in the eyes - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
 
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looking people in the eyes


it really tough for me to look someone in the eyes or smile at someone i don't know. does anyone else have this problem if so what do you do to work on it?
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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 12:09 AM
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Do u feel self-conscious and shaky around people. Or just shy?

Obsessed is a word the lazy use to decribe the dedicated
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 12:14 AM
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I try to just work on it and do it but it takes a lot out of me though

Obsessed is a word the lazy use to decribe the dedicated
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 12:56 AM
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I used to have that problem. If I looked in a person's eyes to long my eyes would start watering.

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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 05:43 AM
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I look people in the eyes for a few seconds, then look away, seems to work for me. If someone is talking to me, I maintain eye contact, and occasionaly glance away, so as to avoid the impression that I'm trying to stare them down or something. My eyes used to water too, but I forced my self to do it, and now I'm pretty ok with it.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 06:17 AM
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it really tough for me to look someone in the eyes or smile at someone i don't know. does anyone else have this problem if so what do you do to work on it?
why the hell would u smile at someone u don't know
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 06:18 AM
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yeah, i can relate...i dont know what to do about this
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 06:22 AM
 
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eye contact is.... probably harder than actually talking. Someone above said what I try to do, look them in the eye for a second or two whilst talking, then look away, and then have another second eye contact as your finishing wha your saying. It can look "normal".
TheSrongSilentType: Ye same! No more than three seconds lol
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 06:37 AM
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Whenever I'm passing someone on the sidewalk or something, I usually look them in the eye for a couple seconds or until they meet the look, then I smile a little and look away. I still get a lil anxious, but I think it's worse when I don't look at them at all. I have more of a problem making eye contact during conversations. It's just awkward. I don't know if I should keep making contact the entire time, or look away every now and then, or maybe which eye I should look at... haha. I'd rather have a conversation with someone when we aren't face-to-face.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 08:15 AM
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why the hell would u smile at someone u don't know
To let them know you're friendly, despite being shy.
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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 08:21 AM
 
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Looking anyone in the eyes is tough for me. Even looking into my own eyes in the mirror gives me a strange sensation. I feel so strange when I look into people's eyes though, it feels like they can read my life story by looking into my eyes, like they can see what I think of my life. In reality, it's probably the lack of eye contact that truly tells people I have no confidence.
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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 08:24 AM
 
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To let them know you're friendly, despite being shy.

I smile at everyone who might look in my general direction. I actually walk around with a smirk on my face, like I'm in on some joke that nobody knows about. But I either have no eye contact, or I do it for a second, smile/nod/say hello and then look away/at the ground.
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-20-2009, 08:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Peekaboo91 View Post
Whenever I'm passing someone on the sidewalk or something, I usually look them in the eye for a couple seconds or until they meet the look, then I smile a little and look away. I still get a lil anxious, but I think it's worse when I don't look at them at all. I have more of a problem making eye contact during conversations. It's just awkward. I don't know if I should keep making contact the entire time, or look away every now and then, or maybe which eye I should look at... haha. I'd rather have a conversation with someone when we aren't face-to-face.

I should have read this before posting haha. I'm the exact same.
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 06:15 PM
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i have the problem too, especially when I see people from far off (like 100 yards or something). I have no clue what to do! do i keep staring at them the whole time I'm walking? Or should I stare at them/the ground on and off. so confused. in close up convos though, it's easy to look in their eyes for a bit and then stare off into space if you feel uncomfortable. that way, it seems like you're thinking about what they're saying and your more comfortable. but i suggest trying to naturally look into people's eyes more (just try counting seconds that you're staring into their eyes and increase it each time). Research shows it can be important in developing stronger relationships.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 06:36 PM
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few years ago I felt anxious even when looking my dog in the eye, and I just couldn't do it at all with people.

Now somehow I can look people in the eye and be the last one to look away alot of the time.

"Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one"
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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 07:21 PM
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I have issues looking people in the eyes or making eye contact/smiling, at least if I'm walking past them or something. It just feels awkward more than anything. If I'm already talking to the person then I'm generally fine. Though sometimes I find myself consciously thinking about my eye-contact and don't know if I should be maintaining it or looking away, or when to look away.
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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 07:27 PM
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Quote:
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I have issues looking people in the eyes or making eye contact/smiling, at least if I'm walking past them or something. It just feels awkward more than anything. If I'm already talking to the person then I'm generally fine. Though sometimes I find myself consciously thinking about my eye-contact and don't know if I should be maintaining it or looking away, or when to look away.
I'm the same. Actually an old friend from school ran into me the other day and we talked and I had the same thing running in my head. "When should I look away? Does he realise how anxious I am?"
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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 07:35 PM
 
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I have the same problem. if I hold eye contact for too long, my eyes start to water. I pretty much force myself to look people in the eye when I know it matters. If i am in an interview, i resist any urge to look away. When i am speaking, i make eye contact in spurts. I look at them while I am talking and only look away when I pause to complete a thought or something. In informal situations, I generally don't make prolonged eye contact. Just as many here, I find it a little awkward.
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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-21-2009, 08:29 PM
 
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sorry i dont have this problem
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 11-22-2009, 02:56 AM
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This is my biggest problem. At college, if I'm already talking to someone I can make eye contact, but I can't do it in general. For example, if we're just sitting and someone looks at me, I can't look at them and smile, like everyone else. Which makes me seem unapproachable. I always overanalyse it and worry that if I look at them they'll think I'm staring and feel uncomfortable, or if I smile and they don't smile back I'll look like an idiot. So I just look elsewhere and avoid their gaze.
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