Looking people in the eyes - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
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Looking people in the eyes


I think I must have the weirdest problems in the history of mankind. lol When someone is talking to me I never know what to do with my eyes. I try to look directly into their eyes as they speak, but it just seems freaky to me. hehe so I try looking away for a few seconds and then looking back into their eyes for a while. When I do that though, they start looking at the ground like they are nervous. Gosh, why can't I be normal?!?!?! Does anyone else have this problem?
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:28 PM
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re: Looking people in the eyes


Believe me, this is one of the major problems we shy people have. Many, many people have expressed this same problem so you're not alone in doing it.

Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. ~Winston Churchill
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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re: Looking people in the eyes


There's a social thing you do when talking to someone. You're supposed to make a triangle with your eyes, look at the left eye, then right, then drop down and look at their nose, then back up, quickly. This happens normally but if you're out of practice, just remember to do it. Also, when you're thinking about something to say in response, look away, then come back and do the triangle while you're listening to them.

If you're attracted to someone, it turns into a bigger triangle, this happens naturally too but if you're out of practice remember to look at them the regular triangle, then include the lips and the forehead.

I know how you feel though, when I first started getting back out there I had this sort of dead big eyed stare into their eyes, and that made for a very uncomfortable conversation.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:41 PM Thread Starter
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re: Looking people in the eyes


Wow, I will try that out for sure. BTW, where did you find this information?
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:48 PM
 
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re: Looking people in the eyes


Hey glad I could help. I've read so much its hard to pinpoint exactly where I got it from but find books or research on the net on reading body language, books on communication skills, signs to give out to show you're interested and the one book I remember thats useful is "People Skills."
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
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re: Looking people in the eyes


How quickly do you change from left eye to right eye to nose? Is it quickly (less than a second) or is it a longer stare? thanks
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-27-2007, 05:27 PM
 
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re: Looking people in the eyes


Yeah, this is a pretty common problem with SA. I've never been able to hold someone's gaze for more than a second, and it doesn't happen very often.

I usually end up staring at the wall, the floor, their shoes :]. And anything else that's not in the vicinity of their face.
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