Loner, no friends, no social life - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-01-2009, 01:44 PM
 
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i understand what you are going through. i just moved to NC from PA and i have no friends, and i've been living here a year now and people think. because i have been living here a year i am suppose to have friends and whatnot. but little do they know. i am not good with making friends that easily. People think just because i am a pretty girl, i look like i have a boyfriend and have alot of friends, but little do they know, i have no friends, no boyfriend for a long while now. i left all of my very few friends back in PA. it's so hard. i hardly go anywhere. i go to church on sundays and thats all i do on the weekends. and on the weekdays. i go to my internship and come home. I dont go out ANYWHERE and everyone on my internship is older than me and there is really nobody really my age there.
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post #42 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-01-2009, 02:57 PM
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me too

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post #43 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-15-2009, 09:21 AM
 
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Work is also a great place to meet people, try to find a job where a lot of people your same age work. Try to find a common interest with them.
That doesn't work for me because I never seem to click with people my own age. I always find myself way more nervous around people my age and worried about saying the wrong thing or being judged. I find it way easier to interact with women almost twice my age. I feel like I can be myself more and not be judged. (I'm 29.)
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post #44 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.

I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye
I'm in the same situation as you are. I'm 19. Even I go to school everyday. Do absolutely nothing on the weekends, breaks or the summer. I people I know at school are just acquaintances. Although I've known them well, I never hang out with them. It's not their fault that no one invites me or anything for any occasion or any other activity. I know this has to do with my suckish social skills. Like you, even I don't want to be this way.
It was only after I checked my classmates' facebook profiles that I realised that people have so much fun in college. Forget girlfriend, I don't even have REAL friends. The closest thing I have to "friends" is the people I mentioned above (the people I meet at school). I can't even call them as analogous to colleagues. I have a relation with them as the relation you would have with your teacher or your boss (friendly, but VERY VERY formal).
When I look back at my life, I can't fail to notice why this happened. I grew up in an environment that led to this situation. It's like cancer or a heart stroke. You realise what went wrong only after it happens. I never realised in my childhood that I was falling prey to such a big problem. There is no way I see a cure to my problem. I'll be a university graduate in two years. I have my career to worry about. I cannot just give up everything and focus my attention on becoming social. I don't think it's impossible for me to change my situation, I just think that it's impractical to do so.
Till now, I have been venting my frustration on the people around me. I recently got tired of that recently as some people I tried to talk to didn't care and the ones that did care (my mom) doesn't understand me. So I just built a wall around myself. I know that no one who's reading this going to care either. But I'm relieved to let it out. So here it is.

Last edited by EccentricGuy; 02-21-2009 at 04:59 PM. Reason: typos
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post #45 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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Sorry to state the obvious, but you need to do something before you reach the point of total misery. I literally no longer feel any emotions whatsoever except fear and hatred. The only ambition I have in life is to start growing pot...lots of it, to help me chill.
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post #46 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 07:20 PM
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Well, I am a loner with really no friends and absolutely no social life. Who cares?! I'm in a great mood tonight, even though I spent the day at work. It's great to be able to live. I'm trying to accept it as it is.
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post #47 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 01:10 AM
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I can completely relate to you
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post #48 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 08:49 AM
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I don't like to be alone all the time. But I love the freedom it gives me. I really prefer to be alone but when I am really depressed I feel very alone and wished there were people to talk with and be with. Other than that, I'd rather not spend large amounts of time with people. I'm too tense for that.

I know what you mean here. I get down about lack of social life and friends, but i have friendy type people at college and even though im glad ive made them, im still anxious when im with them as with anyone. After a while and certain days i just want to be alone because i use up so much energy being anxious when im with them or anyone, that i like to get away just so i can sit down, stop worrying, and take a breath for a minute. the only way im 101% comfortable is if im alone, and it also seems the "safest" option.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
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post #49 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-23-2009, 08:16 PM
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I'm a loner too(not to be proud of)... i can relate to most of your things. I pretty much sleep,school,computer and that's it. If there's no school I'll just sleep and go on the computer. I try to make friends in school but i never get into the out of class relationship. My life is boring and there's not much to talk about. I can blame my parents for some of it since they've never traveled anywhere. When i ask can if we can go somewhere i always get pissed off because the answer is ALWAYS no. One of their best excuses is "we have no money", that pisses me off so bad because they've wasted so much money renovating the house. Their other excuse is that stupid look at me like if i was joking. I'll show them I'm joking when I'll leave that stupid prison and live in the mountains. I'll reject society and live "into the wild."

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post #50 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-24-2009, 05:50 AM
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I don't think people realise how hard it is to get out and about having fun by yourself unless you are in that situation yourself. I remember when I had a fantastic social life watching a programme on people who had no social life and I thought they just probably don't make enough effort or something. But now I have drifted away from so many friends and people have got married and I no longer have a social life I can see how hard it is to get out and about having fun.
People always say 'join a club' or 'go to church'. Is this the miracle answer? How many people in their late 20s or 30s are in clubs? Most people in their late 20s are married or have family or have their own friends that they wouldn't have time for clubs. And as for church, no that is not my cup of tea, I don't do religion.

You do meet friends at work, but all my friends at work are married and aren't interested in socialising with friends, everyone has done that in their teenage years and early 20s.

Most people in their mid 20s to mid 30s, their friends are usually from school, college, university days or people from work, and they usually have a girlfriend/boyfriend who they do things with.

You should try the internet. Forums, dating sites, social network sites, etc.
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post #51 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-24-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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wow. very popular topic (no surprise)

it is frustrating to want to make friends. i am grateful that i decided to go to school again and be exposed to being around large groups of people ans somewhat bummed that i no longer have a job. at least that will increase the odds slightly of ending up in a conversation with somebody. and even if that does happen, at what point is it appropriate to suggest hanging out? that's weird too because it's awkward to get to know people.

my two cents: keep getting out there in some way, shape, or form. it doesn't seem to be working for me but it's better than being COMPLETELY closed off- then there is no chance.
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post #52 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-24-2009, 04:56 PM
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Yup...just another loner here. I enjoy my solitude most of the time. Some times it gets to me...but usually not.
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post #53 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-24-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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I have no friends and I let my family pretty much rule my life. I hate myself everyday for it also, but don't know what to do about it. Im pretty much hopeless at this point, and just try to keep any dismal thoughts out of my mind.
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post #54 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-25-2009, 03:34 PM
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I have been alone most of my life, and I am 49 years old. I doubt that there is anyone in this age range on here. It seems like most things I read are from people in their 20's. Anyway, I grew up in an abusive home, was bullied in my neighborhood, school, and was too afraid of girls to ask one out. When I did, I usually was rejected.
High school was hell, and that is where all my dislike for people came about. When I was in school, I tried and tried to make friends. When I thought someone was my friend, they stabbed me in the back. When I have been in relationships, I usually get dumped.
So, I have never been married, no kids. The girl that I have been dating for 4 years has found someone else, mainly because of an intimacy issue. I have had some experience in sex, but always put so much pressure on myself, I can't perform and it scares me.
I don't trust people because they have never given me a reason to trust them. I avoid people as much as possible. I am done with the relationship thing. I am on the downhill side of life, and it is too much work. Hell, life is hard enough as it is without having to put up with women's "gameplaying".
My employment history is a joke, because I have never been able to find something that suits me, which REALLY SUCKS now with the economy so bad. I won't work in an office setting with lots of people. That, and people get turned off because I won't play the "office politics" game. Well, didn't mean to rant, but it does feel good to share this.
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post #55 of 467 (permalink) Old 02-25-2009, 04:32 PM
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I hate being alone and being inside. gotta have people around me always. If not I'll head down to the local pub to just sit around and chat or do the kareoke thing.

you have not lived until you get up on stage. It's a rush !!!

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post #56 of 467 (permalink) Old 03-18-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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omg you just described me completely.

i made this account just to come here and say that i feel you 100%. i am alone 98% of the time. all i do is work>school>home. that's my routine every day or whenever these things happen. i don't know how to make friends and generally dont know how to talk to people. id go places but i hate going to movies/entertainment events alone, it's mad depressing. i done it before and hated it. loner in high school, loner in college, no girlfriend, no friends, no social life whatsoever.

id go places but i just dont know where and for what purpose. im 29 though and is about to get my bachelors, which is a good thing but then what?? anyway, good luck i hope you find whatever it is that will set you free from the prison that you're in.
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post #57 of 467 (permalink) Old 03-18-2009, 08:35 PM
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Holy ****, I posted in this a year ago and NOTHING has changed. **** my life.
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post #58 of 467 (permalink) Old 03-19-2009, 02:58 AM
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I know how it goes. Over my entire life I have only had a handful of close friends and now in recent years I have been almost completely alone. It hurts big time.
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post #59 of 467 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 09:52 AM
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post #60 of 467 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 09:55 AM
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