Life gets worse as you get older - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #21 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-20-2021, 07:51 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Language: French/English
Gender: Male
Posts: 575
Life does gets more difficult as you get older, BUT learning skills and tricks along the way makes it easier and can keep you afloat.
Fixxer is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #22 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-20-2021, 08:30 PM
Wayfaring Stranger
 
Scrub-Zero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 14,374
My Mood: Twisted
It gets worse, but you care less? I don't know if that makes it better.

What is a man?
Scrub-Zero is offline  
post #23 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-20-2021, 09:00 PM
Alien
 
Persephone The Dread's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: 8800 blue lick road
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 41,649
I guess it depends on the person but yeah it did for me although I wouldn't go back to any point where I was at school either due to the abuse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouTube comment
Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

Persephone The Dread is offline  
 
post #24 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 04:56 AM
SAS Member
 
OCDguy1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
I wonder how many of us have on-going support through Mental Health services due to things related to our Social Anxiety and the causes there of... and if some kind of Personal Development courses could bring about lasting change, and actually be more cost effective for Health Services? What does everyone else think?

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
OCDguy1 is offline  
post #25 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 08:55 PM
Narcissistic Rageaholic
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 10,341
My Mood: Brooding
@OCDguy1

I have a therapist now that I've been seeing (well, listening to over the phone) for a year. Usually every 2 weeks. I think having a real person I can talk to about my problems helps, but it helps in a way that is hard to explain. I haven't really gotten any practical help from my therapist (she hasn't solved any of my problems) but I think the feeling of emotional support is important at a physiological level. I think not having any IRL support creates an additional strain on the body, since being socially isolated is dangerous for a person at an organismic level and the brain is always trying to get you out of danger. The catch is that it has to feel genuine or it doesn't help.

As far as personal development goes, one of the reasons my therapist hasn't been able to help me practically is because I've read so many self-help books, and so much in the area of psychotherapy, that she can't really tell me anything I don't know. I already meditate and use CBT to reframe, know how to manage my OCD, and could write a book about self-compassion, lol.

My personal opinion is that the world needs a sort of 'emotional/psychological support service industry'. I'm not just talking about more trained therapists (though I think we need more of those) but just a much more supportive system in general. It's too easy for people to wind up isolated and alone, especially these days. People could even be paid to provide peer support as untrained (or minimally trained) listeners, responding to posts like we already do for free on SAS. I think this site would be a lot more supportive if there were people being paid to offer support. There are phone help lines for people in crisis, ofc, but it would be nice if we could help people avoid reaching a point of crisis in the first place. This kind of support becomes increasingly important the older people get, because it becomes increasingly hard to make friends (especially if you have mobility issues), you eventually retire, and old friends and family pass away. Isolation is a huge issue for the elderly population.

Ofc, I'm fairly cynical, so I think we're more likely to see this kind of support being offered by robots in the future than people. Because you can sell a robot but you have to pay people to provide real human support. But when all the industrial, transportation, and service jobs are finally gone the way of automation, I think that's the biggest place we're going to find new ones.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
truant is offline  
post #26 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 09:49 PM
SAS Member
 
Lil Miss Fire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Southern California
Language: English
Gender: Female
Posts: 126
My Mood: Blah
I think it depends on ones outlook.

As others have mentioned, obviously the older one gets the more health issues arise. However, I find myself happier now than I was when I was in my teens and 20's. I've been through a lot, but have grown from it. I have a good career and have a great doggo.

When I look back I see that my worst days now, are actually a lot better than my good days back then. I still struggle but I am lucky enough to have built a good support system - which took years upon years to do.

Its funny how life works sometimes.
Lil Miss Fire is offline  
post #27 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 09:50 PM
Moderator
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Posts: 33,312
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrub-Zero View Post
It gets worse, but you care less? I don't know if that makes it better.
I would say that you care less just as long as your basic general health holds out. When things start going wrong in the health department (and I mean big things) it becomes impossible (OK, very hard. Not entirely impossible) to not care.

It doesn't have to get worse in that way that there is a steep dropoff where one day things are relatively tolerable and the next day, you're in crisis mode with no way back to normal but some people can ride a gentle slope to a soft landing and some people crash early in a very ugly way. There is (to some degree) a way to arrange for a gentle slope before you need it (and that is a lot of what "normal" work and insurance and retirement savings is all about) but all of that is more of a backup plan than a guarantee. The randomness of life defies the concept of deliberate causality on the scale of a planned life.

It certainly does not help to do what I have done and just ignore everything and do nothing. That is pretty much a guaranteed early crash landing but life and the universe is chaotic in that way that you can do everything right and still crash. And of course, the inverse, occasionally, people do everything wrong and life shows them mercy.

As I have gotten older and more aware (and anxious) of the realities of it I have obviously started to look into stories of the later years of various people and I have never really seen anyone who was staring death in the face not caring. Could be a 98 year old man on his death bed but he's still going to want to live on a very basic level.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is online now  
post #28 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 10:33 PM
Narcissistic Rageaholic
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 10,341
My Mood: Brooding
I forgot to mention how it's affected me personally, but I've been working my whole life to turn things around and my life has gotten progressively worse every year. I'm at the lowest point now I've ever been. Almost all of my problems are more serious. That's the reason I was finally forced into therapy. (Odds are very good at this point that I'm going to be homeless, and I won't last long once that happens.)

I think whether your life will get better or worse is just impossible to predict. It depends on too many factors.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
truant is offline  
post #29 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 10:59 PM
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,153
@LostinReverie Have not seen you around in forever (years?) Good to see you

Maybe you are just having a set back. The fact that you have not been around forever seems to suggest you got better for quite a while.
Lisa is offline  
post #30 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 11:36 PM
SAS Member
 
chrisinmd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,506
My Mood: Worried
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lil Miss Fire View Post
I think it depends on ones outlook.

As others have mentioned, obviously the older one gets the more health issues arise. However, I find myself happier now than I was when I was in my teens and 20's. I've been through a lot, but have grown from it. I have a good career and have a great doggo.

When I look back I see that my worst days now, are actually a lot better than my good days back then. I still struggle but I am lucky enough to have built a good support system - which took years upon years to do.
Very well said and I agree. My life has gotten better as I got older. My teens to early 20's were miserable. Im in my early 40's now and things are a lot better. Downside is yes your health and youthful looks begin to fade. But hopefully you should have a better job and more money and know yourself and what you like a lot more then in your 20's. And I have a great dog as well!
chrisinmd is online now  
post #31 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-21-2021, 11:57 PM
SAS Member
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 16,595
It obviously depends on the person and their circumstances. My life is certainly far worse now than it was when I was younger - pretty much every aspect of it is more difficult, except perhaps financially.

It doesn't exactly surprise me though - health, both mental and physical, often deteriorate with age - and life itself usually becomes more complicated. I have a lot to look back on though and last time I checked I still have a pulse - so I'm not done yet.
harrison is offline  
post #32 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-22-2021, 12:55 AM
SAS Member
 
OCDguy1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Regarding things getting progressively worse as we get older, does everyone think that some or all of this could be down to social isolation? PS: Thanks for all the replies, it really is a help, thank you.

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
OCDguy1 is offline  
post #33 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-22-2021, 01:00 AM
Moderator
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Posts: 33,312
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by OCDguy1 View Post
Regarding things getting progressively worse as we get older, does everyone think that some or all of this could be down to social isolation?
Can't speak for everyone but I think that this is all down to birth, randomness and biology. IMO, social isolation is a consequence. Not a root cause.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is online now  
post #34 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-22-2021, 02:23 AM
SAS Member
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 16,595
Quote:
Originally Posted by OCDguy1 View Post
Regarding things getting progressively worse as we get older, does everyone think that some or all of this could be down to social isolation? PS: Thanks for all the replies, it really is a help, thank you.
I think it's the nature of this disorder - social anxiety. Social isolation is part of it - but for me I've done that to myself, I tend to hide away. When I was younger - right from my late teens through to my 30's and 40's my life was busy, with lots of people in it.

The social anxiety makes you doubt yourself - you're always second-guessing everything you do. It often stops people from living up to their potential - then later in life those lack of achievements become something of an embarassment. That's how it is for me anyway.
harrison is offline  
post #35 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-22-2021, 06:14 AM
SAS Member
 
OCDguy1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Perhaps my choice of words wasn't the best... to put things another way, if we could socialise in a non-judgemental way, where we feel valued and included, do you think that could reduce our Social Anxiety and improve our Mental Health/Well-being? Could it also help to motivate us and help us flourish and reach our full potential? What do you guys/gals think

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
OCDguy1 is offline  
post #36 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-22-2021, 10:32 AM
SAS Member
 
staticradio725's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Vermont, USA
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Posts: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I think it's the nature of this disorder - social anxiety. Social isolation is part of it - but for me I've done that to myself, I tend to hide away. When I was younger - right from my late teens through to my 30's and 40's my life was busy, with lots of people in it.

The social anxiety makes you doubt yourself - you're always second-guessing everything you do. It often stops people from living up to their potential - then later in life those lack of achievements become something of an embarassment. That's how it is for me anyway.
Absolutely! For me, anyway, a lot of my SA stems from a lack of self-worth, or a subconcious feeling like I'm somehow lesser than other people. Then that SA leads to a lack of meaningful achievements in my life, which then feeds right back into that low self-esteem. It's like a never ending cycle of suck xD
staticradio725 is offline  
post #37 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-23-2021, 02:06 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: New Zealand
Gender: Male
Age: 52
Posts: 163
For me, life wasn't great when I was young, then it got better and I experienced nice happy times, great optimism for my future. Then it steadily declined again, lower, lower, lower than I could even handle. Now it's slowly gotten better again. So... mind you, I've never been the full quid to start with. That's it.

A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it. - Dogen
john.myles is offline  
post #38 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 02:01 AM
(*__*)
 
Mlt18's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: U.S
Language: N/A
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,302
Yep. I definitely have more problems now than ever before.
Mlt18 is offline  
post #39 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-23-2021, 09:49 PM
Bigger than my body
 
Starcut83's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2021
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 75
My Mood: Inspired
For me life was rough from the start. Not saying it didn't have plenty of good moments but let's say home life wasn't great. School felt like I was getting ready to go to war filled with so much dread each day. Things were better around 18 for the most part till my early 20's when I went through the scariest, toughest, most confusing time of my life. For about two years life felt like a roller coaster on the inside. Looking back I'm surprised I made it through and that I'm all here today.


I'm in my 30's now and it's been up and down. Like life does. Losing hope, finding hope. I'm learning my life is really up to me. Of course no one can see the future and we never know until we do and sometimes, in some cases, that's never. But it's learning about being okay with that, even liking it and taking action to move in a direction I feel I want to go in life. And living for what I want, being myself and not what I think others want me to be. I find most people like who I am, especially when I like who I am.



Hardest part of that for me was as an introvert I can be really quite and that used to make me feel like people thought I had nothing to say or was stupid or something. When I was in a group of about 10 people once and we were asked to speak on how we saw each other. I remember being told I was very "zen" like and a calming presence and I at the time in my head I was like "what the...I'm anxious like 24/7 how can I have a calming presence." but that's how they saw me.


Once I figured out what I really wanted in life I made steps on how to get there and found ways to take action. The first step is overcoming social anxiety as best I can. I was making huge progress before Covid hit. Then I slowly felt like I was regressing, feeling anxious just getting ready to go to the grocery store sometimes. Reached a point in loneliness and depression I lost almost all hope. At some point finding a place where I'd had enough and finding a way...out of the dark. Doing whatever it took, pretty much the opposite of what my depression was telling me. Till I slowly felt better.



Things are still up and down from week to week and day to day but I've found a passion in life that I'm following. Seeing where it takes me and enjoying the ride as best I can.
Starcut83 is online now  
post #40 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-24-2021, 02:09 PM
SAS Member
 
OCDguy1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starcut83 View Post
For me life was rough from the start. Not saying it didn't have plenty of good moments but let's say home life wasn't great. School felt like I was getting ready to go to war filled with so much dread each day. Things were better around 18 for the most part till my early 20's when I went through the scariest, toughest, most confusing time of my life. For about two years life felt like a roller coaster on the inside. Looking back I'm surprised I made it through and that I'm all here today.


I'm in my 30's now and it's been up and down. Like life does. Losing hope, finding hope. I'm learning my life is really up to me. Of course no one can see the future and we never know until we do and sometimes, in some cases, that's never. But it's learning about being okay with that, even liking it and taking action to move in a direction I feel I want to go in life. And living for what I want, being myself and not what I think others want me to be. I find most people like who I am, especially when I like who I am.



Hardest part of that for me was as an introvert I can be really quite and that used to make me feel like people thought I had nothing to say or was stupid or something. When I was in a group of about 10 people once and we were asked to speak on how we saw each other. I remember being told I was very "zen" like and a calming presence and I at the time in my head I was like "what the...I'm anxious like 24/7 how can I have a calming presence." but that's how they saw me.


Once I figured out what I really wanted in life I made steps on how to get there and found ways to take action. The first step is overcoming social anxiety as best I can. I was making huge progress before Covid hit. Then I slowly felt like I was regressing, feeling anxious just getting ready to go to the grocery store sometimes. Reached a point in loneliness and depression I lost almost all hope. At some point finding a place where I'd had enough and finding a way...out of the dark. Doing whatever it took, pretty much the opposite of what my depression was telling me. Till I slowly felt better.



Things are still up and down from week to week and day to day but I've found a passion in life that I'm following. Seeing where it takes me and enjoying the ride as best I can.

I wonder what happened in your early 20s and if you are over that now? I'm also curious what your passion in life is, but if I'm prying please just tell me to mind my own business...

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
OCDguy1 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome