I must let it go, but that means I'll acept there will be no other chance to change things. But can I really change them?
OK... I'm freeing myself of this.

Im working on this right now. Somedays Ill have some victories and then other days for no reason at all it'll all flood in like Im going through it again and Ill think about what I could have done or what could have changed. I know its important to catch those thoughts when they come up as quick as they can because the longer it plays out in your head the more anxious you get thinking about it.

Winter blues seems to be killing me and making me think differently which is annoying me. I've caught onto it when I kept crying over every little thing yesterday and I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or even reach out to anyone for that matter because at the time I was crying so bad. Anytime I feel depressed or down about life, I sort of need to take a step back and focus on myself for a bit so I don't fall down a black hole again. So right now I'm trying to focus on something I'm looking forward too and keeping myself with artwork.

I have made some bad socially awkward things to other people that turned them off, but thank God I still have two friends in my classroom that actually see my strengths and are helping me become a better person. Advice from my mom and pastor is to focus on these two friendships and let go of the other "friendships", especially since many of them are making fun of me behind my back.

I see that you are your thirties and by this time most people forgot HS and moved on with their profession.
If HS hits a chilly spot then it's time to change priorities and think of that as a closed coffin in some lost cemetery, take only
the positive light of your youth and resonate this for warmth. My cold past just gives me a chilling effect so I look at all
good deeds I have done for others and hope this kills that chiller mode. Time is in one direction "Now-Forward" all we have is the
present to bear with and make it so it is true to the soul in real-time consciousness.
Peace will generate while being still and quiet, then wake up to a clear head of total freedom from prison.

Being an artist will break you from that deep dark world, spend more time out of the box and live in that creative zone of interests, not many people can do this and if your heart and soul give this talent then focus on it and stay away from the chilling blues. Every November I get those dark cold emotions going but keep busy with my talents and forget the dark and it will work with patience.

Most sometimes I’ll wake up not wanting to do anything and other times I’ll be energised and ready to face the day it’s so weird becuase you never know what mood you’ll wake up in
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This is one of the most crucial mindsets you must develop to be happy in life. Gradually learning how to let go of past mistakes is a true game changer.

The liberating feeling accompanying this revelation is nearly indescribable.

Yes, I seemed to have noticed this a lot of the time. This is why I love art and poetry so much. Because I always end up zoned out anytime I'm keeping myself busy. Thanks for giving me advice. This will help out a lot. Hope things are going great for you and had a lovely Christmas and New Years!!

I was just thinking about this. It's something I've always struggled with.

I couldn't've said it better myself.

This is what I’m trying to do right now.Thanks for the reminder

Yes thanks for the reminder. I noticed that I do tend to replay past mistakes (like if I talked too fast on the phone or if I made a mistake via email) in my mind which causes me to worry about doing it again. Letting it go and moving forward is something I struggle with but I'm working on it

I agree with you, I am the type of person that doesn't think about the bad things happened in my life. Once they happened, I always accept it.

In her book on SA, Ellen Hendrickson makes a really great suggestion.

So often, we try and measure ourselves and our social performance by how we think others reacted to us (which, part of the disorder is to way over-read, over-interpret, and personalize what we feel are negative responses or cues from others). Instead, a big part of treatment is simply putting ourselves out there in careful ways (as in exposure therapy) and then instead of measuring the encounter by whether or not we made an instant best friend (which isn't likely under any circumstances even with the most socially skilled people) or not, we simply measure ourselves by what we did while avoiding our safety behaviors.

Just letting go of anxiety is nearly impossible because of its neurophysiological roots, but teaching ourselves through careful exposure work and giving ourselves credit for trying, whether or not the person in question reacted positively to us that we don't need to be afraid of social situations is something that is possible.

Let it go... let it go... and let it goo.. yes!! )))

thxxxx

First of all Id like to say thank you for this post. It took me literally YEARS to grasp this concept....I've been battling with SEVERE anxiety since my high school days. Im now 27 and have done a lot over the years to try and tame this animal called anxiety. I tried it all from meditation to medications! I honestly thank god for meditation and I would HIGHLY encourage other's to practice it! I also have been taking a supplement called CBD Oil before work and eases my stress levels before my stressful day at work (sales coordinator, I have to deal with people all day ugh...) Anyway I wish you guys all find peace one day.

A friend once told me "If if dosen't matter in five years, don't spend five seconds thinking about it". I'm still struggling with this myself and now currently trying to come out of a dark place. I spend way too much time thinking about stuff that happened years ago, ugh. But I shall try to stay positive, let's all support each other

I uphold

never keep anyone waiting. the world far too slow for me. I'm too fast for this world, on many fronts (dimensionally):
striding ahead
overtaking

awake early
never lazy

interested if involved in firing people. I'd include all reasons +/-

accurate & precise, articulate

must be a reason why the world doesn't like me (unable to specify - cos THEY refuse to)

my world of loss. (friends / fiends), employers, indirectly: locked out of returning to career: WORK POLICE: Recruiting Industry

most successful people are profoundly stupid. politicians, SPORT!, actors, brainless, careless, of authority (world leaders, wealthy), holding back everyone else. YOU CAN'T!!! whimsy

philosophers, scientists, historians.. ignored, not appreciated