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-   Coping With Social Anxiety (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/)
-   -   Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/let-it-go-let-it-go-let-it-go-165508/)

radiancia 02-16-2012 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Milco (Post 1059664958)
"Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes."
As with most other things, it's a matter of moderation.

A Christian prayer comes to mind..
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

You can never get rid of things that happened in the past nor can you your hopes for the future. And neither should you.
The key, and the hard part, is figuring out which things from the past that are still relevant for you to learn from and which things that will only bring harm.
This isn't something we can just whip up just like that, but something that takes a lifetime to really get good at.
It is something to learn as you get better and not a prerequisite for getting better.


This. As you'll all know, its not really possible for the human mind to just go 'okay its over and done'. What you need to do is find peace and resolution with what happened before. When you continue to ruminate over a certain thought its because theres still something there you havent resolved. You need to get to a point where you've realized what went wrong, how you'd do it better, and finally forgive yourself. The problem is sometimes we get stuck because we dont know the answers to those things...which is why they continue to plague us. But once you resolve those issues, things naturally fade into the past because we are truly done with them.

nork123 02-16-2012 10:58 PM

I think often its not a case of stopping the thoughts because I don't think it can always be done, but rather trying to act in spite of them so they don't always have such a strong holding power over you and trying to do your best with the hand you've been dealt, again something easy to say but incredibly hard to actually do

reminds me of the lyrics of "the grudge" by tool which is all about how people cling to grudges and how they confine you and drag you down

Love the last part of the song:

Give away the stone
Let the ocean take and transmutate
This cold and fated anchor
Give away the stone
Let the waters kiss and transmutate
These leaden grudges into gold

Let go x33 (crescendo)

lmw 02-17-2012 12:51 AM

I know, I dwell on the past like crazy. Like, I still DREAM about gradeschool, and that was 12 years ago. I think it's hard for me to let go because there's nothing in the present that can erase the past. AKA, no good experiences to erase the bad.

J.T. 02-17-2012 10:03 AM

I constantly do this. This is one of my biggest problems. I wish I could just live in the moment.

I find that when I'm very distracted, I'm the most at ease. For example, at work, I rarely think about all the problems with my past because if I was to start ruminating past issue too much I could cause a fatal accident. My job requires the use of powerful machines that require my complete attention.

Another thing about letting go is often we hold onto things that are not actually a big deal. For example, last night I sent out an important introductory email to a high level business professional. I made a typo, but didn't notice until after I sent it. For the entire day and night, I worried about the typo and what the repercussions would be; however, this morning, he responded, and I don't think he even noticed the typo.

owiej 02-17-2012 10:24 AM

For me a lot of the things that upset me about the past are that I didn't make friends when I feel I should have at school, at university etc. I hung put with people but they made no effort to see me. It used to make me feel like they didn't like me or at least didn't like me enough to bother with me which made me feel like I must have a unappealing personality and made me really depressed as a result.

Now I just see it as it was only because of my social anxiety and nothing else. It wasnt because I have a bad personality in any way. I was too anxious to just relax and be myself and so I didn't talk enough so people didn't get to know me well and may have wrongly thought I was boring, probably didnt give off a particularly good vibe, and probably came across as having little confidence which is unappealing. BUT this is all because of having social anxiety. This realization makes me feel so much better about myself AND hopeful for the future when my social anxiety is no longer a problem.

mirrussia 02-19-2012 02:33 AM

I agree with author.

SMOOZIE 02-19-2012 10:17 AM

Lol, great. Only thing I'd say, drop the "worry about now". :)

Ulaylia 02-21-2012 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by identitycrisis (Post 1059656897)
I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just will not let it go.

I know exactly how you feel! I wonder sometimes how I could have changed my life, so others would like me better. I live it. I was bullied by family, and schoolmates, and could never figure out why. Im always wondering what I did....

Neptunus 02-21-2012 05:24 PM

I was dwelling today, and am glad this post got bumped. I enjoyed re-reading it. :)

neonpanicc 02-22-2012 07:12 PM

This is one of my main issues i always replay the things i could have said .. done... etc.
Nice post(:

Socialnoob 02-22-2012 09:27 PM

Very true. This is where I am at the moment. I am trying to stop living in regret and dwelling in the past. My mind plays tricks on me sometimes and brings me to hash over the past.
I think I need to wake up every morning and read something positive like this to help start my day in the right direction.

lifeconnedme 02-22-2012 10:21 PM

I can dwell on my past like it's all I have! I am literally just starting my life right now, so I cant let it rule my future. Nor should anyone.

katkat2012 02-23-2012 02:40 PM

Yeah so me, I am constantly trying to let go. This week so many confrontations happened I barely had good sleep. I wish I could just let things go and go to bed. Think oh screw it, will think about it tomorrow. How the hell do i do that!!?
I need a special letting go mashine I can step into at the end of the day.
Maybe if I work out until exaustion .. as if that will ever happen

Whyme123 02-23-2012 09:26 PM

Oh!! How i try to let go of the past!! I am trying though. Wish there was a delete button!! LOL...

F1X3R 02-24-2012 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by identitycrisis (Post 1059656897)
I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just will not let it go.

I think by dwelling on the past we are really worrying about our future punishment, of facing up to our past, like a criminal turned straight worrying his past catching up with him or a religious convert worrying about paying for past sins.

We shouldn't have to fear our past because we have done nothing wrong to cause our anxiety. Our past makes us who we are, and we aren't guilty of anything. Why let go of your past but not your guilty/shame feelings?

Extremes are unhealthy, whether it's dwelling in the past or blocking it out. Acceptance is key.

mzmz 02-26-2012 10:49 AM

im gonna go gab me some sunshine...as soon as i finish the coffee..you know, in the future!

Lukoi 02-26-2012 02:13 PM

This is such good advice man! Seriously thanks alot. a huge problem for mew is dwelling on the past. Thinking about things ive done / said.

Stephon 02-26-2012 08:00 PM

Of course we all know this, the hard this is actually forgetting the past. Maybe we need to preoccupy ourselves with the present...

GameGuy 02-27-2012 09:16 PM

42 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by radiancia (Post 1059667903)
This. As you'll all know, its not really possible for the human mind to just go 'okay its over and done'. What you need to do is find peace and resolution with what happened before. When you continue to ruminate over a certain thought its because theres still something there you havent resolved. You need to get to a point where you've realized what went wrong, how you'd do it better, and finally forgive yourself. The problem is sometimes we get stuck because we dont know the answers to those things...which is why they continue to plague us. But once you resolve those issues, things naturally fade into the past because we are truly done with them.

I can agree with that... but... how can someone resolve an issue when their only source for the answer and resoultion will not reveal itself?

More specifically, I have never let go my parents divorce. Long story short, they divorced when I was 4, and I grew in my mothers custody seeing my father every other weekend. And the custody agreement ended when I turned 18. So, when I do the math, over the 14 year period that my parents were divorced, I only say my father for 4 years. There's a whole lot more to this part of my life, but that's the basics.

I've asked my parents if they would tell their reasons, but they both just blame the divorce on each other. Also, I'm afraid knowing the truth would hurt me more than it would help me. Sure, I could forget about their divorce, but I wouldn't look or feel the same about them again.

How can I get over this part of my past when I don't truly know why it happened?

candiedsky 02-28-2012 05:03 PM

I think I can appreciate the relevance of this. If I was always in the present, I would never drift off into the painful past. :yes


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