Learning to manage SA - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 01:40 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
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Learning to manage SA

SA develops from low self-esteem, but I was always really shy because that was my personality. The shyness isnít really there now but itís turned into anxiety because of how others made me feel about my shyness. My dad was very negative and controlling that also helped to fuel it.

People with SA are likely to have suffered abuse in their life and thatís how I feel because Iíve come across some bad people and because they have not been nice to me I have just soaked up all the negativity.

I think I almost cracked my SA once. When I went onto Citalopram I felt so much more relaxed, I didnít worry about a thing and I felt really positive about myself. I think it helped that I was going out a lot more and getting heaps of attention that made me feel good about who I was.

I think everyone has his or her own way of coping with SA, as yet I donít think Iíve found the best way for me. I think we have to accept that SA is part of our own personalities to a degree, if we accept how we are and donít expect to be 100% perfect and can control it 80% of the time that thatís good enough.

Itís about controlling yourself, knowing who you are and then taking appropriate action to keep confidence levels up. People lack confidence because they feel unhappy, fear things, shy, insecure, distressed, doubtful, negative, concerned, worried, rejected and a failure. So its really important that people prone to SA are careful of what relationships and careers they become involved with. They can be equally destructive to someone with SA if things go terribly wrong.

When you feel low about yourself people pick up on it through looking at you, they can see it in your eyes and the way you talk ect. When they notice we are not confident they treat us differently and thatís when we start to think we are worthless. People donít want to be with anxious people because it makes them feel anxious. I suppose people with SA come across as stand offish but really all we want is to be loved and lets face it people who do have SA have some excellent personality traits. I know I do. But I guess because they can pick up on negative vibes people donít feel they can approach us, so then it strengthens our belief that we are no good in social situations.

Until people learn to accept us its hard to accept ourselves but really we need to learn to accept ourselves before others will want to know us.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 02:21 PM
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re: Learning to manage SA

Great post. You made a lot of good points. Unfortunatley for most of us, it isn't that easy to just get some confidence, feel good about ourselves and then everything will be OK. I really wish it were. I have my good days where I feel more attractive and more confident, but it isn't steady, and I definitely have more days that I feel ugly, worthless and completely uninteresting. I wish I could find a way to get more confidence, but it's a vicious cycle--since people tend to dismiss me, in my head there must be a reason. I also dont think I'm very attractive.

Another problem I have is that since I'm quiet and always tend to fade into the background of things, people dont' pay me much mind. I feel like they dismiss me before I could get a chance to show that being quiet isn't all there is to me, and I have to work extra hard at being social, which is exhausting at times. It does not come naturally. I don't have that "charisma" where people are always gravitating towards me, talking to me and inviting me places without me even trying because they know from prior experience I won't say much in return.

I know one thing that does work for me...drinking! I don't turn into the life of the party when I drink but a lot of my social anxieties fly out the window and I feel much more comfortable talking to people than I do naturally. It's not the best idea, since I use drinking as a crutch when I'm in any social situation, but it seems to be the only thing that's really worked. If it weren't for alchohol, I dont' think I'd have met any where near as many people as I have.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 10:53 PM
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Re: re: Learning to manage SA

Originally Posted by Kitten
Great post. You made a lot of good points. Unfortunatley for most of us, it isn't that easy to just get some confidence, feel good about ourselves and then everything will be OK. I really wish it were.
Passion_Star is absolutely right. I don't know if it's easy for any of us to have confidence in social situations, but it's possible. We're the ones mentally holding ourselves back. Saying things like "I'm so ugly" or "I'm worthless" are excuses not to take responsibility for yourself. If you spend your time worrying, you will be counter-productive and you won't give yourself the opportunity to raise your self esteem. To raise your self esteem, you have to go out of your comfort zone, and then come to the realization that it's okay to. The problem arises when you're stuck deep in your morbid yet comfortable way of living and you worry, instead of aspire, about moving forward. As Passion_Star said, others can detect your nervousness. Remember, we're only human. Everyone makes mistakes and gets into confrontations, and without them we wouldn't move forward, and the world would be so much less interesting. Life is not rewarding if you don't take risks.
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