It's hard to connect w people when i want to hide that I'm a loner - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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It's hard to connect w people when i want to hide that I'm a loner


A coworker recommended a good place for hiking. Haven't done it yet. But when I do go, I don't have anyone to go with so I'll go alone. The fact that I do everything alone makes me not want to share when I do fun things.

It's pretty far by bus which is how I'll go. Traveling by bus is part of my life.. I had to spend about 45$ each way to visit a different state last month. Telling that to somebody is a dead giveway that I have no one to drive me.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 01:36 PM
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Most people who don't drive would be in the same situation. The bus exists because people don't have someone who wants to drive them everywhere. Right now, I and most other people would judge you very negatively if you implied that somebody did drive you, because (at least assuming you're single) that'd make it clear you're ignoring COVID protocols which forbid carpooling. Saying you took the bus sounds a lot more responsible.

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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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^^^ Hey this is kinda random but this website is showing blank no matter what i click on. The page doesn't load. I keep having to refresh. is that a known glitch? Its been happening fir a couple days.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-07-2021, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by letitrock View Post
^^^ Hey this is kinda random but this website is showing blank no matter what i click on. The page doesn't load. I keep having to refresh. is that a known glitch? Its been happening fir a couple days.
Sounds like the phone browser bug they claim to have fixed, maybe clearing your cache will help: https://www.socialanxietysupport.com...post1094065161

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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-07-2021, 07:44 PM
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As a general rule, the more you have to hide from other people, the harder it is to connect with them. (I have a lot of personal experience with that.) Perfect connection = being perfectly honest in all your interactions with other people (assuming they reciprocate with equal honesty and you're compatible). As most people with SAD are extremely anxious about what other people think about them, they tend to have a lot of difficulty connecting with other people.

I actually find your situation sort of interesting because I would have no problem admitting to people that I'm doing things by myself (I've never really cared what anyone thought about that) but there's no way I'd go hiking or busing from state to state on my own because those kinds of things scare me too much. Having the courage to do that kind of stuff on your own is very impressive to me, and if you told me you'd gone hiking by yourself or you regularly traveled around the country by yourself, I'd be like, "You're amazing!" And I'd totally mean that.

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 02:18 AM
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Yeah I could relate so much to this. Mostly when I bring up stuff like these, I just keep it vague and lie-imply that I am doing things with others. For the most part, most people won't focus or pay attention to whether you're doing these things with people or not though. Ones that do, I think they are also insecured themselves with this aspect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by .truant.
As a general rule, the more you have to hide from other people, the harder it is to connect with them. (I have a lot of personal experience with that.) Perfect connection = being perfectly honest in all your interactions with other people (assuming they reciprocate with equal honesty and you're compatible). As most people with SAD are extremely anxious about what other people think about them, they tend to have a lot of difficulty connecting with other people.

Well said.

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 10:25 AM
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This reminds me of a similar thread that was going on on the dating section, about being self-conscious that your life is boring.
This used to bother me a lot too when I was younger. The way I look at it now is: only you know why you were doing that thing by yourself. Yes, maybe it's because you don't have any friends to do it with, but the only person who knows that is you (unless you tell them, of course).
As far as anybody else is concerned, maybe you chose to do that thing by yourself. Maybe you just enjoy your own company now and again. Maybe all of your twelve thousand friends happened to be busy that day. Nobody knows why you did that thing by yourself unless you tell them.
Personally, when I ask someone what they did over the weekend, going hiking sounds way more impressive than watching Netflix, which is the answer I get from a lot of people, honestly xP
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2021, 10:28 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks, y'all, each of your responses realy helps

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2021, 10:50 PM
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A job is a place where people connect with one another in a work environment. You have something related with your co-workers to reccommend something to you, and to continue working at the same place with like minded people.

Never had a career, never had an income, never had a girlfriend, regardless of how many times I tried. The people have the same mentality, perception and belief about me since I was a child. The people behavior and communication induces my social anxiety and depression.

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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2021, 11:05 AM
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i have no friends and thus have always travelled on my own....whenever i take a vacation i go on my own.....ive learned to like it that way....someitmes i speak to people i meet at tourist hostels,
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 03:47 AM
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Yeah it's very difficult.
Sometimes I think about joining a dating site. Then I think, I could only state looking for short term relationship, because I'd not let anyone get to know me properly anyway (one reason I'd not let anyone get to know me properly is because then they'd find out how isolated and socially dysfunctional I am). But, then that's not really what I want either. So I just forget it.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 06:24 AM
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It's really hard for me to pretend to not have issues. I really can't connect with people without letting them know I'm mentally ill and dysfunctional in many ways.

I can sometimes maintain a bland persona through by pretending to be more antisocial than I am. I think it's safer for me if people who know me irl think I'm antisocial than if they realize I'm crippled by anxiety. Also, I'd rather people think I'm autistic (functioning and comfortable with it) than having SA. I don't want to be perceived as vulnerable by random acquaintances or irl people.

the truth may vary
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Myosr View Post
It's really hard for me to pretend to not have issues. I really can't connect with people without letting them know I'm mentally ill and dysfunctional in many ways.

I can sometimes maintain a bland persona through by pretending to be more antisocial than I am. I think it's safer for me if people who know me irl think I'm antisocial than if they realize I'm crippled by anxiety. Also, I'd rather people think I'm autistic (functioning and comfortable with it) than having SA. I don't want to be perceived as vulnerable by random acquaintances or irl people.
I relate to that.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 10:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myosr View Post
It's really hard for me to pretend to not have issues. I really can't connect with people without letting them know I'm mentally ill and dysfunctional in many ways.

I can sometimes maintain a bland persona through by pretending to be more antisocial than I am. I think it's safer for me if people who know me irl think I'm antisocial than if they realize I'm crippled by anxiety. Also, I'd rather people think I'm autistic (functioning and comfortable with it) than having SA. I don't want to be perceived as vulnerable by random acquaintances or irl people.
Honestly, at the point I'm at in my life right now, it has become literally impossible for me to hide my SAD over the past year or two. It has such a profound impact on my life and the direction it's taking and what I do with my day-to-day at the moment. Especially because I'm such a go-getter type A personality outside of the SAD. Everyone wants to know why I don't have a "real" full-time job, why I'm living with my parents, what I'm up to with my life these days. And those are impossible questions to answer unless I tell the truth.

I've never felt that anyone has ever taken advantage of me because of my SAD. Or, if they did, it wasn't in a way that I noticed. I suppose it depends on how you define the term.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 11:54 AM
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My immediate family knows all about my anxiety obviously. I think I tried telling a few people over the years, but they mostly don't have a frame of reference. I don't think there's any representation for social anxiety in media or anything most people are aware of. It just gets kind of awkward really. I also don't like to be on the receiving end of other people's sympathy if it's something they don't really relate to.

the truth may vary
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