It's difficult not to have any friends in college. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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I hate feeling left out most of the time when talking to a group of people that i know. I don't have much to say most times and i think because of this i am not invited to most places.The very few friends that i have are at different places and i don't feel welcome with the ones that i am with because i don't talk much and so they don't talk to me. I tried hanging out with different groups but i just can't fit in any group because i don't know what to say. How can i laugh at their lame jokes or give a funny reply to avoid being made fun of? It's so difficult to make conversation, so now i find myself alone most of the time to avoid people. Anyone else with this problem?
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 05:49 PM
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Me too. I do I have a few friends that I wish I hung out with more often though. It's weird because I want to have more friends but I don't have the actual drive to hang out with people at all. I don't care how it seems to others but I was built this way. I also can't force anyone to be my friend and I also don't want to.

I'm mostly focusing on how to improve myself to help me better prepare for this world.

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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-28-2019, 09:06 PM
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Idk, I somehow managed thorough it. Wasn't even that hard actually, at least for me...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 09:44 AM
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Maybe just find similar interests that you have with people and talk about those. My problem is no one seems to want to learn anything that they don't already know and it's hard to talk about interests that they are not also interested in. Sad but active listeners aren't common. So if you're gonna have to take that role on just steer the conversation towards an interest you both have
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 10:58 AM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=Ayushi7;1093846743]
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Originally Posted by Rumplesty View Post
Me too. I do I have a few friends that I wish I hung out with more often though. It's weird because I want to have more friends but I don't have the actual drive to hang out with people at all. I don't care how it seems to others but I was built this way. I also can't force anyone to be my friend and I also don't want to.

I'm mostly focusing on how to improve myself to help me better prepare for this world.
Yeah me too. There was a time when i would try really hard to make a conversation with someone cooler than me. Now, i just don't care to try hard, i just wish to connect with people without trying hard like before.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 11:01 AM Thread Starter
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Maybe just find similar interests that you have with people and talk about those. My problem is no one seems to want to learn anything that they don't already know and it's hard to talk about interests that they are not also interested in. Sad but active listeners aren't common. So if you're gonna have to take that role on just steer the conversation towards an interest you both have
Those are the only times people who would talk to me when we find similar interests. As soon as we run out of any topic they stop talking and ignore me again as usual. It feels extremely lonely but i have to go through it.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 11:07 AM
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How are you doing academically? You do know the point of college is to secure your survival, right? Friends will abandon you when the chips are down. Friends are nice to have but they're not everything.

/WYSD
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shy extrovert View Post
Maybe just find similar interests that you have with people and talk about those. My problem is no one seems to want to learn anything that they don't already know and it's hard to talk about interests that they are not also interested in. Sad but active listeners aren't common. So if you're gonna have to take that role on just steer the conversation towards an interest you both have
I've found this to be true for most people.

I know a few who are open minded enough and willing to discuss almost anything, and I usually get along with them very well.

I tend to dislike people who share interests but have no interest to go past those interests

Then again, it's hard to say if I'm any better, as I'm not interested in discussing parties and all that stupid stuff ( ) people seem to enjoy.

I've found that it works best for me, to just hang around with 'people I know' when it fits, rather than trying to make friends. (Although some of them seem to consider me their friend - I don't.)

Unmeaningful friendships for the sake of having friends are the biggest waste of resources.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old Today, 04:32 AM Thread Starter
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How are you doing academically? You do know the point of college is to secure your survival, right? Friends will abandon you when the chips are down. Friends are nice to have but they're not everything.
Honestly, not so good. In moments like these i have come to know the people i can trust. Maybe no one wants to stick around me. However, i am trying not to let such people affect my life.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old Today, 05:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
How are you doing academically? You do know the point of college is to secure your survival, right? Friends will abandon you when the chips are down. Friends are nice to have but they're not everything.
Honestly, not so good. In moments like these i have come to know the people i can trust. Maybe no one wants to stick around me. However, i am trying not to let such people affect my life.
You will be alright bro..am a college student aswell.. Just try your best to put yourself out there,don’t say no to invites ,talk to everyone you sit next to.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - -- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - - -- - -- - -- - - -- -- - -- - --
I really had bad days I felt like am alone but it was once worse. I think am making progress and finding my smile back.
What am currently on:
Online Anxiety Help
The link is audios,videos and by that Irish guy Barry McDonagh(one of my favorite Social Anxiety authors ). Sharing is caring.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old Today, 06:29 AM
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I've lost contact with pretty much every single friend I've had so far (Though much of that is due to my own extreme self-isolation), except for my best friend who seems less interested in talking with me by the day. He's got his circle of online friends and is also too busy with his life so I think the time is coming where we may just stop talking whatsoever.

We've taken different paths in life so I can't always "run to him" like before. Although I have some people I know from high school going to my college, they aren't interested in talking with me anymore either and he's not currently going to college so it makes me pretty alone at school at the moment.

But like they say, making friends is always easier when you already have friends. My best friend was a very social guy so that's how I ended up in my friend circle in high school and how I met a lot of other people. Having even one very social friend around can help you alot in meeting more people.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
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Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old Today, 08:18 AM
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I was very avoidant at university. I did have acquaintances but the whole thing was a missed opportunity. If I ever go back to university I would go in with a more open mindset, for sure.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old Today, 01:58 PM
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Yes struggling with all of this too :/ Don't know how to keep conversations going when it's hard to find common interests to talk about
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