I genuinely think the ADD medication I took as a child altered the chemicals of my brain b/c I had my first suicidal thoughts at like 8 or 9 which is around the time I was on them. So depression has been a little more constant in my life. I remember being shy as a kid, but I didn't develop an anxiety disorder until I was in my early teens. I've grown to view my anxiety as something I had to deal with? Like the symptoms sucked, and I was house bound for a period of my life it was so bad, but after a while I had this hope that I could get better. If that makes sense? I still have anxiety, it still sucks and I can't control if I have an anxiety attack half the times, but I handle it a little better.
With depression I mean I could get up and take care of myself instead of locking myself away all day and being unproductive, though difficult. But I think what was hard for me to cope with is that no amount of 'trying' would fix how I felt. It never felt like something I could push past or climb over, it was this constant battle of trying not to drown. It was frustrating to me, it was frustrating to the people who knew me. It felt like being on the ocean and trying to fix a hole in a boat with bandaids. Constantly trying but getting nowhere. I still handle my depression a little more poorly than I do my anxiety. Ironically I find being alone does help me, in regards to depression it's so often stressed to surround yourself with others which half the time makes it worse (sometimes that is what I need, other times no). Often times I'll go for a drive to the ocean. With depression I sometimes feel void or emotionally blunted. My life, my problems, not feeling, seem so minuscule when I look out onto the water. Realizing I'm just a small blip on this earth, in this giant universe, brings an odd sense of comfort.
I ranted, but to sum it up they go hand and hand and I feel like it's sort of always been that way. I wouldn't say my anxiety is the key to my depression or vice versa. They just kinda coexist with one another. Though they certainly can fluctuate one making the other worse without a doubt.
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."