Is lying about things in your life and not sharing about things in your life equivalent? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
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Is lying about things in your life and not sharing about things in your life equivalent?

As I was reading a different thread on here, "Lying to fit in", I began to think about how the topic fits into my life. I noticed in the thread the OP seemed to mostly fall into the not telling/not sharing stories/facts about his life with other people. Personally I have done this as well, as I tend to be a fairly private person about my personal life. I am overly selective with what I share with others even when they have shared aspects of their life that I should reciprocate with sharing. For instance, in my job I usually just work with one other person, so naturally you will talk with each other. My newest co-worker has shared with me her marriage into separation leading to divorce story that she is currently going through. We have only been working with each other for about 3 months, I should probably share some relationship status background of mine with her, however, I just don't say anything. Of course all there would be to say is I am single #foreveralone. So this is mostly just an instance of not sharing, would that really be like lying?

Because I often will make up or embellish stories into my life in conversation to either make it seem like I am interesting or doing more than I actually do. This has often created more anxiousness for me and I know it is a ignorant thing to do. I tend to lie about silly things, like saying I mow lawns for some older people that I have mowed lawns for since high school or that I don't watch certain series on Netflix or Amazon Prime when I actually do or by making up imaginary vacations when I take off an extended time at work. These are all flat out lies or embellishments. So are things like this, lies the equivalent to just not sharing aspects of your life?
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 10:55 AM
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Hey, i am the same way as you but i do not share thinga that i did. for example going on vacations to asia, europe
going to a private school

i do it for fear of being judged as rich
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 02:59 PM
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I don't believe there's an equivalence. Certainly in the law, if you keep your mouth shut and don't say anything then there's nothing the law can do to punish you for your silence. If, on the other hand, you lie about what you did, then you could be guilty of lying to authorities or perjury. Of course, this is under the law but to me it illustrates that as a society (USA anyway) we value the truth, tolerate withholding information and condemn lying. FWIW.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 08:02 PM
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I used to do that A LOT, but it only added to my SA trying to keep up with the lies in my head and remembering what I said. I'm also a horrible liar in general, so morally/ethically for me it's been much easier just being truthful in recent years when socializing.

I still do it sometimes if I'm interacting with someone I know I won't see again, and who I know doesn't talk to those I will see again. Not out of anything malicious, but more so about not wanting them to know personal facts about me since it is usually a superficial conversation.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 12:14 PM
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I can understand why someone would lie to avoid being judged. People are quick to judge and be condescending about things and often the less they know about it the worse they'll be. As long as your lies don't affect their lives it's arguably not morally wrong but it can put you in the difficult spot of having to commit to the lies. Not sharing isn't lying unless there is a very valid reason why that person should know that information.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 03:23 PM
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I don't lie, I just don't talk about myself (that topic has nothing interesting going on when it's about me anyway).

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-25-2019, 08:35 AM
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Not an equivalent. It's bold-faced lies vs not saying anything, which isn't the same thing as lying by omission in this case. You should really stop because eventually people figure out that things don't add up and no one will believe or trust anything you say. Would rather have someone who's honest and boring than an interesting liar because the former has integrity and is someone I can trust.

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