Is it just me or are people with social anxiety ALWAYS in the limelight? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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Is it just me or are people with social anxiety ALWAYS in the limelight?


(This is my first post in here and I'm kinda nervous about it.)
I've been thinking about it for so long. As long as I can remember, I've been trying really hard not to be in the center of attention. I've been so quiet and I never wore clothes that draw attention. Basically I've been doing my best to be invisible but the results have always been the opposite.
The teachers ALWAYS notice me even when I don't say a word or do absolutely nothing. They call my name, ask for my opinion, etc. 2 days ago; the first day of school, my teacher called my name at least 10 times that day while he didn't even notice the other quiet students in the class who didn't say a word. Why?? Even normal people approach me to ask for addresses that I don't know or ask me to take a picture of them. Like why?? It's always been like this and it stresses me out all the time. It makes me cringe and I feel jealous of the ones who never get noticed. I just want to be invisible and I can't.

I want to know if anybody else in this forum feels the same as me or not. If yes, why do you think it happens so often?
I'd be happy to read your replies.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 02:00 PM
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It's a good thing ppl approach u n ask things
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 02:20 PM
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Hello DeadStar and welcome to SAS.

Its probably just coincidence in most of those cases. Maybe the teacher just asks you the question because you always seem to have the answer? It's a good sign that people are comfortable with approaching you (Even if you don't want them too) you could be taking advantage of those social situations.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 02:26 PM
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That's how it works from kindergarten through high school. I was famous for being "the kid who doesn't talk." Kids I didn't know would come up and ask me what time it was even though they already knew, just so that they could run off to brag to their friends if they were able to get me to respond. Trying to get any sort of reaction out of me was a popular pastime.

But once you get to a larger environment like a university or the rest of the world, you can disappear.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 03:20 PM
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There may be an element of confirmation bias here.. you could see and pick another person and literally run a tally over a week in a class. Or several people. It would be illuminating if it turned out you were approached as many times as others. Then you would have to figure out why you felt differently... Very useful for your growth. For now, consider the possibility its random. What they do you need to examine in order to make something like this match up with your model of reality? Why could you be overestimating?

You may just be more approachable though, which, though not helpful for you, I would like to take off your hands (I am the opposite, but maybe that is my own confirmation bias working...).

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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 03:36 PM
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Yeah people seem to assume I'm a responsible adult that has done lots of adulty things, at work asking me advice & treating me with respect : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
Yeah people seem to assume I'm a responsible adult that has done lots of adulty things, at work asking me advice & treating me with respect : /
that's terrible, people treated me with respect once and I did not like it

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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 05:14 PM
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no i just think we are
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 08:56 PM
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People mostly avoid talking to me unless itís at work where there arenít that many people around so they have no choice but to ask me stuff. In school I would mostly get ignored which is a good thing.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 11:17 PM
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Quiet people generally are less likely to draw attention. But teachers generally are trained to recognize quiet people to be able to draw them out to get them to participate and come out of their shell. Because their job is to get them to be prepared for the real world and real life skills. Being quiet sets you back in terms of this.

Some people also do catch their attention more on quiet people and most others. Especially with people who are paranoid and don't feel safe unless everyone conforms to the norm. In their eyes, an especially quiet person isn't, so they don't feel safe as long as they remain quiet. So they have to draw them out and confront them about it (or even bully them) for their own sense of security.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-09-2020, 01:57 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Excaliber View Post
Hello DeadStar and welcome to SAS. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>

Its probably just coincidence in most of those cases. Maybe the teacher just asks you the question because you always seem to have the answer? It's a good sign that people are comfortable with approaching you (Even if you don't want them too) you could be taking advantage of those social situations.
Thank you. &#x1f642;

Yes of course that can be beneficial sometimes but for someone like me with social anxiety, it can be very frustrating. And after answering them, I constantly think about my answer until it gets stupid and embarrassing and I'll think about it for at least 1 month.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-09-2020, 02:02 AM Thread Starter
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People mostly avoid talking to me unless it’s at work where there aren’t that many people around so they have no choice but to ask me stuff. In school I would mostly get ignored which is a good thing.
You're lucky. Enjoy it &#x1f604;
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-09-2020, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Paul View Post
That's how it works from kindergarten through high school. I was famous for being "the kid who doesn't talk." Kids I didn't know would come up and ask me what time it was even though they already knew, just so that they could run off to brag to their friends if they were able to get me to respond. Trying to get any sort of reaction out of me was a popular pastime.
In high school I once had someone ask me if I could talk!
I told them, "Yes...... AND I can walk too "

In my second job there was a 4 week training course and most of my coworkers were very outspoken. My style is to listen and take in the information while their preference was to voice their understanding out loud throughout the lecture. One day we all got into groups to present information about what we'd learned. Despite my quiet nature I spoke audibly and confidently as if I myself were the teacher. A coworker was surprised at this and thought I intentionally was making an effort never to say anything.

The "you are a quiet person" and "you don't say much" will be words I hear until I die even if I think I said more than what's usual for me.

Kinda gives me those "you're not enough the way you are" sort of vibes.

Like if talking wasn't the problem then it would be something else - hairstyle, clothing choices, interests, values, politics, etc. We as a species seem to be fascinated with pointing out the differences we see in each other - it is so hard to find what we share in common.

John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-09-2020, 11:48 PM
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My teachers never gave a damn about me, no respect at all (haha) so I can't relate. Never had a problem with being invisible.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-10-2020, 03:28 AM
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It's your perception. Social anxiety means that you're always aware of yourself and the situation, even excessively so. So whenever something like this happens (e.g. someone asks you to take a photo), it feels like you're put on the spot, because of how aware of yourself you are. Truth is, it's a normal thing to be approached to ask to take a photo or for an address! As for your teacher, usually they will try to pick everyone as evenly as they can to ensure people are paying attention, so perhaps they think you're not paying attention, not following, or aren't raising your hand, and that's the reason you're quiet. x

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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2020, 05:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadStar View Post
(This is my first post in here and I'm kinda nervous about it.)
I've been thinking about it for so long. As long as I can remember, I've been trying really hard not to be in the center of attention. I've been so quiet and I never wore clothes that draw attention. Basically I've been doing my best to be invisible but the results have always been the opposite.
The teachers ALWAYS notice me even when I don't say a word or do absolutely nothing. They call my name, ask for my opinion, etc. 2 days ago; the first day of school, my teacher called my name at least 10 times that day while he didn't even notice the other quiet students in the class who didn't say a word. Why?? Even normal people approach me to ask for addresses that I don't know or ask me to take a picture of them. Like why?? It's always been like this and it stresses me out all the time. It makes me cringe and I feel jealous of the ones who never get noticed. I just want to be invisible and I can't.

I want to know if anybody else in this forum feels the same as me or not. If yes, why do you think it happens so often?
I'd be happy to read your replies.

Dude, you should be glad people even acknowledge and approach you. I have exactly the opposite problem. When I was still going outside in public, people ignored me on purpose and made me question my existence to the point where I literally feel dead inside. People rarely ever approached me and if they did it was usually to challenge me and prove to me they're superior to me.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2020, 06:11 AM
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Originally Posted by dinosaurparty View Post
When I was still going outside in public, people ignored me on purpose and made me question my existence to the point where I literally feel dead inside. People rarely ever approached me and if they did it was usually to challenge me and prove to me they're superior to me.

where on earth do you live? They sound a right bunch of nutters round your way.


they will be round with pitchforks soon to run you out of town.

Tell 'em who the **** I am

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