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trefle 05-15-2017 08:12 AM

Is it bad to ask for attention when feeling constantly bad?
It has been a long time that I'm not feeling well, crying everyday, I've never been that sad in my life.
I feel that no one cares, it makes me more sad than ever.
I mean.. I seem depressed, sad to my roomates, friends... I can see it in my face, and I can see that others look at me with their 'Whats happening ' eyes, but They've never asked. No one showed up one day to tell me: What's happening to you? Do you need help ?
I just feel like If I were in the place of these people, and someone appeared depressed to me, I will try to help him, maybe I won't understand what's happening to him, but at least I would try?
It's my first year in a new environment, is possible that people think that I'm like 'THAT', depressed and sad? I've never been like this before.

Sometimes I stay with my roomates in the dining room, quiet, and I'm crying inside. I don't want them to see me as the weird person, but the person that is feeling bad.
I can't tell them I feel bad, because it is caused by social anxiety, and the fact I feel no happy emotions... I feel like that these are things they can't understand, since many times I tried to talk about it with my old friends but no one could help, et they just look at me as a hopeless person...

Just Lurking 05-15-2017 09:36 AM


Originally Posted by trefle (Post 1089628945)
Is it bad to ask for attention when feeling constantly bad?

The thing with "(old) friends" and roommates is they don't want to be your therapist. It's too much emotional weight for them to take on.

If you're lucky, you will have some close family members and maybe a best friend (read: not "just a friend") who will always be there for you and do anything for you, but other than that, people just don't want to deal with it. They have enough of their own problems to handle to take on the problems of others.

The exceptions will be actual therapists, in-person peer support groups (both of which would be recommended in your situation), and online communities like this website because we understand what you're going through (make use of us).

For those (old) friends and roommates, what you want out of them is to just spend time with them, feel included, and enjoy each other's company, but your depression is a major obstacle in this.

It's a bit of a catch-22 where you need connections to alleviate the depression, but need to alleviate the depression to make connections. So, the first thing I'd be doing in your situation is looking for mental health resources in your area and options to connect with others who are dealing with similar problems.

You use those resources to lift up your mood, and then you'll be able to socialize and get involved a little more with people like your roommates and other friends.

If there are no resources available, then maybe you can start one (as in a support group) -- advertise wherever you are (is this college or university, or something?), and who knows... Maybe one of your roommates will be among those who respond.

Tunesimah 05-15-2017 09:52 AM

It really depends on your relationships to others. The range from stranger to associate to friend to close friend to close family to close romantic relationship is really a range of how willing others will help you with personal/emotional issues I think.

The trickiest range is between friend and close friend. I have some friends that I have a good time, but very few friends that I feel comfortable laying my personal self and all my hangups and problems out there to them.

A lack of these close personal relationships is really a hardship. It seems like there's a buildup of this personal need, and very few people that are on the low end of personal closeness scale really want to deal with this from others.

I get people ask me if "I'm okay" or I look sad/worried... I usually just say yeah... or I matter of factly explain my problem with low emotion in it. I know others aren't ready to deal with all my personal problems... so I just keep it to myself.

Pongowaffle 05-15-2017 04:09 PM

No it is not. But base on my experience, unless the person really enjoys your company and they are close to you, seeking attention and being needy is a turn off to a lot of people. But then when the irony flips around, those very same people are depressed and are seeking your attention for support, suddenly for them this is ok.

Anon 05-16-2017 12:10 AM


sad1231234 05-16-2017 12:22 AM

Sorry to hear that. Well theres nothing wrong with venting your frustrations, wanting to have our problems heard is completely normal.

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