It's not a mental illness; it's an emotional disorder. That's the first thing.


Second, my brother flat out told me that I was the "strong one". I was the one to have all the panic attacks and am on medication (at least monitored by a doctor). He smokes and drinks - and that worries me because he's got two kids now. I am already having to play the older uncle and grandfather since our dad passed away in 2007 (the anniversary is later in January).


I found that ironic. I was the one who was bullied and teased really bad. Also ironic, the people who made fun of me can't face me today. Oh, the stories I could tell!

Care to share some of those stories? It would be interesting and may help somebody as well

One was in college.....when I thought all the high-school crap went away. Part of it was my doing, but I didn't expect the outcome nonetheless.


I met a guy in one of my classes and he asked me one day about a couple I knew.


The guy of the couple I grew up with (he was a year younger) and played baseball with was cool, but his girlfriend was an evil classmate of mine. Our freshman year in high school, we were all in band and she told me that this senior girl liked me and proceeded to tell people. Well, the senior girl confronted me in a humiliating way. Needless to say, I didn't think too kindly of my classmate.....although the senior girl and I would later be friends as we played in the pep band in college. We talked about that incident and thought that was really poor judgment on everybody's part.


Anyway, back to the guy. I casually mentioned that I thought he was cool and frankly never wanted to see her again. Well, he must have talked about me to them, because another rumor was started and he proceeded to call me really ugly names when seeing me around campus.....even when in conversation with other people and the name calling being in mid-sentence.


…...Fast-forward another five years or so and the guy lives about a block away from me near a park that is between our neighborhoods. He saw me and called my name trying to get my attention - I ignored him.


Every few years or so, I will see him at the grocery store or will see him walking his dog. Whenever he sees me, he's like a deer caught in headlights. I just walk on by.


I get a lot of that - people fleeing, or freezing in a panic. I think that's good. I survived their $#!7 and am not going to take any more of it.

So have you made any progress on the cowardice as you see it? What has helped or not?

I agree with this but I think violence is not the answer. you don't want to sound insulting towards yourself so let's just say that if 25% of you could've stood up for yourself but you didn't learn it, you could redefine yourself like this poster has said and make a choice now in cases where it is safe to do so and in other cases where you don't do it, you're just being wise.

And also being tough is not the most important thing, being happy, healthy, kind and wise is.

Thanks for the comment. I agree being tough is not the most important thing and being happy, healthy, kind and wise as important as well. But I think people take advantage of being kind and happy. So you need to be able to defend yourself first and then you can experience the other emotions. I dont think you can be happy and kind if people are abusing you or taking advantage of you.

That's true! You cannot be happy and kind if people r abusing/taking advantage of you so we do need to learn to stand up for ourselves (but be wise about it as well. for example there's no need to say anything if the person is violent or a psychopath or has a mental illness in which they're a danger but you can report those people) and if we can't because of our disorder, God will be the judge and it will be b/t God and those who sin against you and you're welcome!

Critiquing myself... no, I would say I haven't—at least not in a significant way. I've made some effort/attempts but I continue to not take risks on golden opportunities.

I failed to ask out a coworker despite being in a good position to do it.... lots of other things to mention but that one kinda hit me hard.

It's frightening putting yourself out there for anything. I need to get used to getting judged and maneuvering through the drama. Kinda hard atm...