Instagram Has Destroyed Me.
IG has given me so much insufferable anxiety that it's been really hard to live. It all started when loads of people from work started following me. And because of that I got loads of social anxiety. Feeling like I could no longer post like I could before, because I didn't want my coworkers to see the real me.
But I got a kick out of people noticing me finally! So I Started chasing likes like nothing else. Please can random people I have no idea who validate my existance please? And if heaven forbid something didn't get the right ammount of likes I'd go to delete, and repost at a more Instragram heavy time hoping no-one noticed.
I was possessed. I got an Unfollow app and saw loads of people i knew from work unfollowed me which gave me CRAZY anxiety. What did I do to deserve that?
When I meet people and follow them and they didn't follow me back that gave me SO MUCH anxiety. Like why haven't they followed me back? We just met and had a good conversation. Why on earth wouldn't they follow me back? The unknowing drove me crazy.
I discovered the 'Friends Activity' tab and saw my friends liking other peoples pictures but not mind...what's the deal? Anxietttty.
When my friends don't watch my story or vote my poll...why? There's just so much why not's which give me all the anxiety. And the opposite when the wrong people like my pic/watch my story...Anxiety.
When someone doesn't reply to my DM but I can see they've been online. Wtf????
It was once my creative outlet but now I've stopped taking photos for ME and purely how I think they're gonna look on IG.
I know how fake and fabricated it is. Nothing you see on IG is real. It's filtered to buggery, and every photo is staged and unnatural. People compare their lives to staged photos, and I feel guilty because I've contributed to it.
This app has well and truly gotten to my head. I'm addicted, but all the emotions it's given me are stress, paranoia, dread, and anxiety. I don't feel any positivity from the app. So why am I using it? I've tried deactivating, uninstalling the app but I always come back.
I've NEVER had this anxiety with any other website/app. Not even Facebook. The ironic thing is I've abandoned FB but FB is where all my real friends and loved ones are but I don't care for their validation? I want the validation of strangers. IG was so much better for me when only 2 people followed me!
I have an addictive personaility, I can't wean or deactive. I did deactivate for 7 days which was really good for me but I was always looking forward to coming back.
I know the option is to delete permanently. I can download my archive so that's no big. But I feel anxious deleting because I might miss some important announcement from my fave celebs/bands. The BIG PROB IS there's people I've met that I wanna stay in touch with but I only have them on IG. These people arent people I talk to on the regular, so I was thinking of sending a blanket DM to all of them saying if you want to keep in touch hmu on fb, but then I think what if they don't hit me up? And then I lose them forever. What if they think i'm being attention seeking?What if they don't like me at all and don't hmu on there? The social anxiety from not being added would make me keel over. BUT at least i'd find out who my real friends are. So idk. There's no way I can deactivate cuz the temptations always there, deleting is final. I know it's the right thing, but I dont know if I can right now.
TL;dr I'm addicted to Instagram even though it makes me feel like sh\*\*. It's destroyed me mentally, and the only option is to delete but I get anxiety losing touch with ppl and the liklehood they wouldn't want to keep in touch and I'd lose them forever, and always wonder why they didn't hmu elsewhere.