i hate when i get so far only to get put back down. A setback. I was doing so well the past month or so and i got put back down. I come off as confident but i notice that when i am talking i am talking way to fast, mumbling, stuttering, and saying dumb ****. And then people say stuff back and i overanalze it as they are being a d*ck to me or look down on me and i get pissed of at me AND them. I love to be alone.
I do so good when im by myself and when i go to the gym maybe talk to people there, maybe talk to a cashier/someone i dont know about sports for a few minutes, etc then come home and be BY MYSELF again. I HATE HAVING TO LIVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE, such as yes, my family. I go out and all, but not that much so its not like i dont do things because of my SA, its i dont enjoy them because i dont like the way i come across when i talk, nothing else but that. Its almost like i start to feel like im acting like an annoying little kid that everyone is trying to ignore me but cant. I cant *****ing stand it. Because i know if i wasnt thinking about it i wouldnt care and everyone else wouldnt either, but when i start thinking about it, i become tense and REALLY DO start acting that way...or so it seems.
I want, NO I NEED, to stop over over-thinking.
I am so confident in so much...
The way my body/face looks, the way i dress, the things im into, AND i just got my body language down so that i always feel comfotable with the way i am standing or sitting (that was a big releif, it took forever to get this down, but i am confident that i got it down)! The only thing i lack is when i actually talk. THE TONE OF VOICE.
If i dont talk, i am fine and i think positive and am happy. The funny thing is, i have things to say to, im not blocked and at a loss for words. The problem is i cant
1. Small talk
2. Say quick things like (Yo, Mike, i see you got *insert something here "a new car, a new watch, etc."*) - I cant get stuff out, its like i focusing on how my voice is going to sound and i want to say it but im trying to figure out how im going to say it so my voice doesnt sound weak, desperate, or needy when i say it and if im going to stutter or not, which i normally do.
3. My TONE OF VOICE IT SO crappy (Like i said it comes off as an annoying little kid, it cracks, and the longer i talk, the worse it gets.
4. I talk to fast, i mumble, and i stutter because of all the above.
Im so close to being past this, i just have to get more comfortable talking. How the ***** am i going to do this? If i could just get my god damn tone of voice the way i like it, i would say things the way i want to say them and would feel comfortable when i talk.