Im so ticked... - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-14-2006, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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Im so ticked...


i hate when i get so far only to get put back down. A setback. I was doing so well the past month or so and i got put back down. I come off as confident but i notice that when i am talking i am talking way to fast, mumbling, stuttering, and saying dumb ****. And then people say stuff back and i overanalze it as they are being a d*ck to me or look down on me and i get pissed of at me AND them. I love to be alone.

I do so good when im by myself and when i go to the gym maybe talk to people there, maybe talk to a cashier/someone i dont know about sports for a few minutes, etc then come home and be BY MYSELF again. I HATE HAVING TO LIVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE, such as yes, my family. I go out and all, but not that much so its not like i dont do things because of my SA, its i dont enjoy them because i dont like the way i come across when i talk, nothing else but that. Its almost like i start to feel like im acting like an annoying little kid that everyone is trying to ignore me but cant. I cant *****ing stand it. Because i know if i wasnt thinking about it i wouldnt care and everyone else wouldnt either, but when i start thinking about it, i become tense and REALLY DO start acting that way...or so it seems.

I want, NO I NEED, to stop over over-thinking.

I am so confident in so much...
The way my body/face looks, the way i dress, the things im into, AND i just got my body language down so that i always feel comfotable with the way i am standing or sitting (that was a big releif, it took forever to get this down, but i am confident that i got it down)! The only thing i lack is when i actually talk. THE TONE OF VOICE.

If i dont talk, i am fine and i think positive and am happy. The funny thing is, i have things to say to, im not blocked and at a loss for words. The problem is i cant
1. Small talk
2. Say quick things like (Yo, Mike, i see you got *insert something here "a new car, a new watch, etc."*) - I cant get stuff out, its like i focusing on how my voice is going to sound and i want to say it but im trying to figure out how im going to say it so my voice doesnt sound weak, desperate, or needy when i say it and if im going to stutter or not, which i normally do.
3. My TONE OF VOICE IT SO crappy (Like i said it comes off as an annoying little kid, it cracks, and the longer i talk, the worse it gets.
4. I talk to fast, i mumble, and i stutter because of all the above.

Im so close to being past this, i just have to get more comfortable talking. How the ***** am i going to do this? If i could just get my god damn tone of voice the way i like it, i would say things the way i want to say them and would feel comfortable when i talk.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-14-2006, 09:43 PM
 
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sounds like your obsessing a little. but to be honest I had the same issue with my voice. its getting a lot better, less flaky sounding moments, more manly. heres a really great article from sosuave.com that'll help you

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=37707

good luck man. I feel like I'm getting there too
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-14-2006, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by likewater
sounds like your obsessing a little. but to be honest I had the same issue with my voice. its getting a lot better, less flaky sounding moments, more manly. heres a really great article from sosuave.com that'll help you

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=37707

good luck man. I feel like I'm getting there too
this looks perfect...Iv been doing this PUA stuff for 2-3 years now and its how i got my confidence and really changed. But iv hit a wall, and this is exactly what i need. I like to consider myself "Alpha" as they say, and having a needy/desperate sounding voice that doesnt scream confidence is what is holding me back from making the complete transition i started really about 3 1/2 years ago.

thanks, you are da man
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-15-2006, 03:40 AM
 
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I get the same...it keeps me from talking a lot of the time (duh)

I obsess about the sound of my voice and really think it sounds so monotone and like I really just don't give a ****!

I have to do a reading at a wedding in November, can you imagine how scared I am??

Do you find that when you talk your breathing is all over the place? Maybe doing some breathing exercises morning and night may help?
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-15-2006, 06:32 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maike
I get the same...it keeps me from talking a lot of the time (duh)

I obsess about the sound of my voice and really think it sounds so monotone and like I really just don't give a @#%$!

I have to do a reading at a wedding in November, can you imagine how scared I am??

Do you find that when you talk your breathing is all over the place? Maybe doing some breathing exercises morning and night may help?
yea, my breathing is the same way when i talk. But when i dont pay attention it is fine. Thats why im trying to improve my voice when im consious of it, so that i am happy with the way i sound, then slowly somehow stop paying attention to it. Then i would be set!

Im going to have to read "the power of now" as my next book.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-15-2006, 08:45 AM
 
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this might seem really obvious, but maybe you aren't breathing correctly. a lot of people breath from their throats when a true breath comes from near your stomach. might want to check it out
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-15-2006, 09:54 AM
 
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setbacks are bound to happen, all you can do is regain some strength and get back on your feet...I know it sounds easier than it is but you will be happier in the end if you do
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-15-2006, 10:26 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by likewater
this might seem really obvious, but maybe you aren't breathing correctly. a lot of people breath from their throats when a true breath comes from near your stomach. might want to check it out
Yea...i relized this is exactly what im doing. Im talking threw my throat because i am nervous about talking but when i talk from my stomach i feel very relaxed and comfortable. Im going to continue to work on this...i feel better already.

Only 2 days in the hole? Yea, Im definetly gettin better...used to be 2 months!
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