If you gave in..... - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 03:29 AM Thread Starter
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If you gave in.....


If you gave in and accepted things you have been refusing to accept all your life, do you think it would make any positive difference in your life?

/WYSD
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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 03:31 AM Thread Starter
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I don't know. Honestly, I don't think it really would. Not any positive difference that would be lasting. Any changes I make only have a minor impact on the big picture and they usually don't last.

/WYSD
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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-22-2020, 07:56 PM
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I haven't gave into despair or self hatred. Going out my way to figure the primary issues for my situation is what I do.

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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 01:11 PM
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Well, I don't think that a person can choose to accept something. I think that's something that just happens to people sometimes at some point. I've tried to accept all kinds of things and failed every time. If I could accept certain things, I'm sure it would have a positive impact on my life, but as I've tried repeatedly to accept those things and failed every time, I've just accepted that I can't choose to accept something just because I want to accept it.

I think "You just need to accept X" is basically junk advice that nobody can act on.

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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 02:35 PM
We got da SAUCE 🍲
 
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There's not much I haven't accepted yet, but if I could accept them it'd probably make a world of difference. Positively I suppose.

Quote:
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Isn't it a bit early to worry about that at 7 years old?
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I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 09:10 PM
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I don't even know what the things I refuse to accept are. Guess my way of dealing with things is to lock them away.
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Any changes I make only have a minor impact on the big picture and they usually don't last.
I believe that over time small changes build up and can make a difference in the future.

I watched Julie Nolke's video in which she talks to her past self as a warning of what to expect later. Even though only a couple of months went by, you could tell how much her future self's thoughts and attitudes changed.

It may just be a comedy but it made me realize the impact experience has on our thoughts and behavior.

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 03:58 PM Thread Starter
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I believe that over time small changes build up and can make a difference in the future.
Yeah. The problem is that (like I said) mostly, my most troublesome behaviors were pretty much set in concrete ages ago and any changes I make to those behaviors takes enormous effort and therefore, only lasts as long as my willpower (and energy) holds out. Eventually, I always regress. So if I start making small changes, it still takes a lot of effort no matter how long I keep doing it. And then each successive change I make stacks on top and adds just that much more weight to carry around. So, this excess weight (baggage/whatever) is generally not that difficult to carry on good days (and/or perfect days) when I'm feeling great and not in a pessimistic mood and/or when nothing has happened that has dragged me down. But it just takes one bad day to cause enormous setbacks and undo all the good things.

But.....this thread is kind of drifting because I guess I wasn't too clear and kind of muddled the OP. What I meant to say is there are some things that would not necessarily be behavior-based. Just things I have been in denial of for most of my life. I wondered out loud if giving in and just accepting certain things was helpful to anyone. I don't necessarily think it would be helpful to me on most issues for....reasons but there might be one or two things that I have been in denial of for most of my life that I could probably just snap my fingers and say "OK. I've been running from this plain fact for 30 years and there's no point in it anymore. It just is and that's all there is".

/WYSD
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Yeah. The problem is that (like I said) mostly, my most troublesome behaviors were pretty much set in concrete ages ago and any changes I make to those behaviors takes enormous effort and therefore, only lasts as long as my willpower (and energy) holds out. Eventually, I always regress.

but there might be one or two things that I have been in denial of for most of my life that I could probably just snap my fingers and say "OK. I've been running from this plain fact for 30 years and there's no point in it anymore. It just is and that's all there is".
What are the behaviors? What are you "in denial of"?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 04:38 PM
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Yes. Isn't acceptance the exact opposite of anxiety?

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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 05:49 PM
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I have tried. Unfortunately circumstances and other people close to me are disadvantaged by this and try to sabotage. Its left me totally alone and confused.

But yes. In principle there is only that choice. You accept, or you avoid. Better to accept early before the monster chasing you reaches gigantic size. That isn't to place blame on those who haven't been able to look it in the face (me included), not at all. ACT is needed early.

I am, left with a crossroads now. One path leads to a life I want but extreme stress and anxiety. The other is basically, well, you know.

I choose acceptance, and looking the monster in the eye. I just wish those around me would try to help me through this, and not try to stop me.

Sounds like insane ramblings I am sure, but well, yeh.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 05:54 PM Thread Starter
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Sounds like insane ramblings I am sure, but well, yeh.
Not at all Bob. It's good to see you. Sounds very familiar, actually.

/WYSD
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 06:48 PM
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It might make things a bit easier but I don't think I'd like the results. I'd feel dead inside if I just gave in. I have given up the fight yet.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 07:23 PM
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If you gave in and accepted things you have been refusing to accept all your life, do you think it would make any positive difference in your life?
The 'if you gave in' part sounds like you don't "want" to do something but you're doing it. Why would you do what you do not want to do? You also said you're 'refusing to accept'- if you're not accepting of it, why would you do it? I don't get it, sorry
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 07:34 PM
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I think it is through acceptance of my many quirks and dare I say inadequacies that I have been able to progress through life without a constant sense of pain and desire for improvement that just is not possible, sustainable and certainly not desirable. I for one, am glad I was never one to have held on to this strange sense of masculinity in order to fit in with my peers, I would imagine that would have been impossible for a long period of time, nor is it who I ever wanted to be. It is like that for a lot of things. That is just one thing though, there are a lot of aspects about myself that will never match up to the ideal human being, that I have accepted as not achievable, and through further thought not even desirable.


For me, it has been mostly positive to accept what I am, in order to remain relatively happy and appreciative toward life in general. I don't think this works for most people though, we seem to be told to reach for the stars, and I'm sure there is a reason for that.


I hope I stayed within the flow of the thread, and did not venture outside of topic.

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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lily View Post
The 'if you gave in' part sounds like you don't "want" to do something but you're doing it. Why would you do what you do not want to do? You also said you're 'refusing to accept'- if you're not accepting of it, why would you do it? I don't get it, sorry

A person would obviously not want to do something they don't want to do. But said person might consider doing it anyway if they thought that it was the only feasible path forward.

IOW, a person might compromise if they come to the conclusion that they have just been being stubborn for it's own sake and it has cost them far more than it was ever worth and they realize it was a foolish waste and they just didn't want to admit it.

To say a person has been (past tense) refusing to accept does not mean they cannot choose to accept in the future. Which was the reason for the question. And also the reason for the "IF". So, a question that says "Will you enjoy your day more tomorrow if the weather is better?" means the weather might change tomorrow. And IF it does, will that change your state of mind? There is nothing in there that says the weather has to be the same tomorrow as it was yesterday just because it was what it was yesterday.

So, a person (often) eventually comes to a self-imposed impasse that must be resolved in some fashion. And generally, the only way out of it is whatever that person has been avoiding through their own "code".

/WYSD
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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 09:21 PM
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Quote:
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If you gave in and accepted things you have been refusing to accept all your life, do you think it would make any positive difference in your life?
I've pretty much done this and I think it's been positive at least as far as anxiety goes.
I really can't change the fact that I'm a lazy misanthrope.
Fighting it was too hard and I really can't fake it.
I generally do not enjoy the process of living and I can't get onboard with the manic lifestyle that most Americans live.
God knows I tried to play the game in my younger days.
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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 10:16 PM
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I'm not sure what I'm meant to be accepting.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 10:22 PM
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what a terrifying concept.

'there is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go' (tennessee williams)

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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 12:06 AM
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Quote:
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Well, I don't think that a person can choose to accept something. I think that's something that just happens to people sometimes at some point. I've tried to accept all kinds of things and failed every time. If I could accept certain things, I'm sure it would have a positive impact on my life, but as I've tried repeatedly to accept those things and failed every time, I've just accepted that I can't choose to accept something just because I want to accept it.

I think "You just need to accept X" is basically junk advice that nobody can act on.
Completely agree and hate it when people say "just deal with it" "just accept it" or "just be this and that".
inb4 someone says that life is not fair and to stop being a quitter or whatever, like come on now lol
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