If Someone Doesn't Like You .. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-30-2019, 01:55 AM Thread Starter
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If Someone Doesn't Like You ..


Is it a reflection on them?

If you haven't wronged them or you're not annoying & etc, but they just have a problem with you then it would be a reflection on them, right?

It could be because they see something they don't like about you (meekness, shyness etc) or maybe they could be jealous of you.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-30-2019, 02:55 AM
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There are a lot of reasons why people don’t like you, but I don’t think it always reflects anything. If it does, it would usually reflect more on them than you.

* They could have heard something about you that they don’t like, and before meeting you or getting to know you, they already know they won’t like you because of it.

* You might remind them of someone they don’t like, even if you’re nothing like them except having their name or looking similar.

* They might not like your race, religion, gender, orientation or something else about you that you can’t change.

* You might be related to someone who wronged them or someone they know.

* They might not agree with how you live or the choices you make with your lifestyle or hobbies; they might not like your views or beliefs.

* They might think you’re better than them, which makes them jealous of you.

* They might think you would look down on them if you knew them better, so they avoid you.

* They might not like anyone at all.

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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-30-2019, 03:05 AM
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All relationships are RELATIONSHIPS. No single human exists in a VACUUM. everything we do (apart from thinking, altho thoughts are heavily influenced by the external world) is an interaction with other entities within the social sphere.

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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-03-2019, 09:13 PM
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Simple, if someone doesnt like you, dislike them back.

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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 04:58 PM
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Disliking someone is often not very rational. It's just a feeling based on the disliker's own social aptitude, schemas, and experiences. So yes, it is often a reflection on them if you haven't done anything (that you know of) directly to cause dislike, but its not necessarily a bad reflection, because the way you make them feel is still valid.

In general though, socially intelligent people don't devote much time to disliking people, they usually try to understand rather than bristle at other people who make them uncomfortable.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 05:02 PM
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I'd rather that tbh, cause I have a wealth of experience on how to deal with it, someone liking me scares me far more.






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It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent Memory View Post
* They could have heard something about you that they don’t like, and before meeting you or getting to know you, they already know they won’t like you because of it.

* They might not like your race, religion, gender, orientation or something else about you that you can’t change.

* You might be related to someone who wronged them or someone they know.

* They might not agree with how you live or the choices you make with your lifestyle or hobbies; they might not like your views or beliefs.
Beside that I'm extremely silent and shy these are often related reasons for me...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 09:06 PM
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Well, if they don't like you and you don't have to be around them, I'd say you should just avoid them and not spend your time worrying about it. If you have to deal with them, I guess it's a bit different. Like if it's a coworker that you are basically required to interact with every day, that would be a problem.

Unless every person you meet seems to dislike you, it's certainly their problem and not yours. But either way, you're probably not doing yourself any favors worrying about it unless you intend to change whatever it is they don't like about you. Which is often....

1. Not really possible

2. Not enough to change someone's opinion of you anyway even if you try and talk to them about it or whatever.

The only thing you can control is whether or not you let it bother you. I mean, of course it's gonna bother you a bit. But beyond the "Whatever....."

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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 09:46 PM
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If someone doesn't like me, I can usually take a guess at why. However, I'm trying to just be comfortable and not awkward. Its usually a reflection of how I feel. No, I don't handle it very well when people don't like me but you can't force people to? Yea. So I teeter totter in the middle of "ok, I hate her." vs "who? Oh..she's ok. I guess..."
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 09:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
I'd rather that tbh, cause I have a wealth of experience on how to deal with it, someone liking me scares me far more.
Where can I get this ability to not care?! TELL ME

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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 10:53 PM
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a reflection on them? it is them. their choice.

someone ghosted me. I was really attracted to her. imagine possibilities, then they are crushed. it sucks bad. just that she could be so casual to not even look at my messages. to not like me at all. not even bother to think of me. how to not make it all about my faults... go the traditional route of she is ***** etc. not worth my time. angry thoughts, a bit cathartic. not really my style. think of her. try to stop. think of her some more. forget her over time.

I want. i want. I want. like baby. on the road to accept, move on. emotional, uncontrolled, idiot animal. have to train self to let go. everyone gets frustrated sometimes.

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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 03:51 PM
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People who have an issue with you when you have done no wrong to them just want to find something bad about you. They are like bullies. Some people don't need a reason. They take joy in doing it.


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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 04:07 PM
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I've always thought that if you have enough people in your life that do like you - then it outweighs the ones that don't. I'm sure there are some people that haven't liked me but I didn't really know about it and wouldn't have worried about it too much.

There have been plenty of people I don't like too - it's no big deal.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 05:21 PM
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Not necessarily. It could be anything that the person had picked up or perceived from you that can have them not liking you. Unless it directly affects you, would it matter?
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-09-2019, 02:50 AM
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its highly dependent on the situation and the people involved. it can be the other person if;

they are always just in a mood in general. you remind them of someone else they don't like or that makes them feel uncomfortable (not much you can do about this), they could be overly demanding of others and be entitled with what they expect of others. it could be your overall approach to life rubs them the wrong way (doesn't mean your approach is wrong, different strokes for folks).

it could be you if;

you are projecting something unconsciously onto them, for example being passive aggressive, or *****y, or judgemental, or untrusting/ cynical. some people will resent those projections and think you are making a statement about them which they don't perceive to be true.

i'm not declaring you are @melancholyscorpio ,it's natural that our ego usually dismisses the possibility that we may be at fault and especially those of us with anxiety are likely to feel the victim and not be in any way contributing the dynamic between two people. best way to approach it is with self awareness which requires objectivity, this is difficult if you are assessing yourself because by its nature self assessment is subjective. so, getting some objective outside influence can be a good start. reading up on ways to be self aware, or maybe asking for others opinions in how you come across can be helpful.

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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-09-2019, 03:16 AM
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what other people did to harm the judgers

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detrimental effects

eventually leading to collapsing black holes?

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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-09-2019, 07:56 AM
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Hey

Not everyone will like you, and nor does anyone owe you a friendship. With such a wide variety of people, it's natural that you won't get on with everyone. But that's okay - just focus on the ones that you do get on with!x

Much love <3

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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-09-2019, 03:23 PM
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Disliking is a gut reaction that can be for many reasons and it's rarely about you. One person can like you for a trait, another can dislike you for the exact same trait. You can remind someone of their mother- for one person that means they like you, for another that means they can't ****ing stand you.

You can be awkward- one person feels for you and wants to take you under their wing, the next finds it charming and endearing, another absolutely hates it. All based on their experiences and associations.

The other week I was saying I really like a coworker cause they really put in effort. Another coworker said they didn't like him cause he seems like a try hard, brown noser, taking things too srsly. And I can see exactly why they feel that way, but we just have different values and opinions. I still like him and they still don't.

I have a negative history with someone and everytime I hear their accent from another person my first impulse is towards dislike, anything strongly associated with them leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But I'm aware enough that my distaste for the person needn't roll over to other pple. I just notice 'oh yea they sound like them but they're not them.' And we can move on and be friends. But frankly many pple don't bother giving another thought to their initial gut reaction bc many pple 1. Aren't thoughtful/aware and 2. know everyone is not for everyone and you don't have to like and be friends with everyone.

It could be jealousy, could be your hair, music, smell, someone you hang out with, a rumor they heard, an extreme distaste for how they used to be, anything. Why does one like musicals instead of death metal? Blue vs green? Feet vs bdsm? Dancing vs swimming vs rock climbing? Shrug.

I tend to initially dislike or be very wary around pple who "know the truth" and rely on it as a large part of their identity. Overly religious pple, new age ****s, shoot, even, and especially 'intellectuals' who can't set their mind to understand others are experiencing things differently to them, but they have so much faith in their logical conclusions they can't hear other information. Or worse, just attempt to pigeon hole info into their working model when in fact they need a different model. ****ing hate them. Burn them with fire. Yea... def not recovering from a run in with one of those ****s... lmao. (Oh and I used to be extremely religious, a new age seeker and fancied myself an intellectual lmao. The pretension of it all. Soooo)

This is why we must do the difficult work of cultivating our own sense of self without worrying abt others. Cause pple are fickle, unpredictable and you'll never be able to please them all. Not a majority, not even half. We meet pple with the full force of their experiences driving them and very little has to do with us. The question is do we like ourselves? And the moral of the story is be who you want loud and proud so you can find your pple and they can find you. And they all lived happily ever after? Nope. Humans don't do that. The end.

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Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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