I apologise if this is kind of long!
I have to sort out uni stuff because our deadline is at the end of January, but most people have done it all already. I've been stuck between having a gap year, then going to do a Fine Art BA course somewhere in London, or doing an Art Foundation course and then going to uni the next year. My teachers and family keep telling me that they think I should do a foundation year and then go to uni, but I really don't think I'll be able to cope with it.
I wanted to have a gap year to build up my portfolio, do work experience, get a part time job, sort my head out a bit and get some confidence. I have never really wanted to travel because it would be waaaaay too expensive for me. Nobody but my boyfriend seems to understand why it'll help me, and it's frustrating. I still struggle to go to school every day, even though I was homeschooled from year 8 to year 10 because my anxiety got so bad. On the bright side, I was never as creative as I was then, and I managed to build up enough confidence to go back to school (which was very unlikely, I didn't even think I'd get through GCSEs). My anxiety has got a bit better, but I am so stressed out by going to school everyday that I feel like I need a proper breather to help me understand what I need to do, like I did last time. I didn't even want to go to uni 4 months ago, but now I kind of feel like I have to because of everything everyone's been saying to me!
My boyfriend is my best friend too so we spend a loT of time together. But somehow, people are still worried that I'm going to get isolated again or decide not to go to uni during my gap year, but I don't think that will happen because he is so out going that I would be around people a lot anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. I also know that going to uni would inevitably be the best for me in the long run, which should push me more. I decided the other day to just have my gap year and then apply for a Fine Art course to do photography and film there for the next year, and I was pretty certain that that was my decision. But now, people keep questioning everything and saying that I might be taking steps backwards and it's making me even more indecisive and like I am not in control of what is going to happen!
On a side note, I have had counselling for years, I just finished a course of CBT (which was helpful, but still didn't do much) and I've been on different anti-depressants and anxiety medication over the last 8 years that I've had generalised anxiety, so I'm already trying to get help.
Any ideas on what you would do if you were in this situation?