I want to be popular but I have social anxiety. What should I do? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-07-2020, 09:53 AM Thread Starter
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I want to be popular but I have social anxiety. What should I do?


I know this may sound dumb or whatever, but I honestly don’t care. I’m 20 years old and I crave popularity, I want to be known, I want everybody and all of my past enemies to be jealous of me and be like “wow! He changed”. In school I was a weirdo for the most part, I was known as the weird guy who never talks and was socially awkward. Please help me become popular. I’m 20 now so it will be harder since I’m not in high school anymore. How did you become popular? I posted another question on here before, saying how everybody thought I was weird and that still stands so I must change myself to become popular and cool like everybody else.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-07-2020, 12:13 PM
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I could understand the craving for popularity, I had that at times when I was younger but I realized I'm not the type of person who likes everyone's attention, I also didn't want to be fake and put on a mask just to fit into the popular crowd, some of them carried a bad demeanor anyways and I don't like people like that. Sure it doesn't hurt to get out there and try to be more social, try to talk to people and let them get a chance to know you, that's what will draw people in and they will appreciate and want to be around you. I wouldn't make it a goal just for the sake of being 'popular', do it for self improvement and things will be much more enjoyable.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-07-2020, 12:29 PM
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Why crave it, be happy with yourself.. the most happy ppl are not the ones in the light....
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 01:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LucasRojas2000 View Post
I know this may sound dumb or whatever, but I honestly don’t care. I’m 20 years old and I crave popularity, I want to be known, I want everybody and all of my past enemies to be jealous of me and be like “wow! He changed”. In school I was a weirdo for the most part, I was known as the weird guy who never talks and was socially awkward. Please help me become popular. I’m 20 now so it will be harder since I’m not in high school anymore. How did you become popular? I posted another question on here before, saying how everybody thought I was weird and that still stands so I must change myself to become popular and cool like everybody else.
Most people aren't cool or popular. They're just people - like everyone else, trying to live their lives.

Best thing is probably to try and get your anxiety under control to some extent so you can have a few people in your life that genuinely care about you.

Everything else is just noise - and not worthy of your attention.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-27-2020, 09:49 PM
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Popular people could be mean and most of all IN ORDER TO STAND OUT OF THE PICTURE YOU GOTTA FIGURE YOURSELF OUT. To feel confidence you gotta have a whole lot of it and do it that way by thinking positive and greater than what the actual status of whatever you want. Everythings greater to you so everythings greater in general. Stand up for yourself.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 10:55 AM
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How to Be Popular


Quote:
Originally Posted by LucasRojas2000 View Post
I know this may sound dumb or whatever, but I honestly don’t care. I’m 20 years old and I crave popularity, I want to be known, I want everybody and all of my past enemies to be jealous of me and be like “wow! He changed”. In school I was a weirdo for the most part, I was known as the weird guy who never talks and was socially awkward. Please help me become popular. I’m 20 now so it will be harder since I’m not in high school anymore. How did you become popular? I posted another question on here before, saying how everybody thought I was weird and that still stands so I must change myself to become popular and cool like everybody else.
Before we address why you feel the need to impress other people, I'll answer your question.

Let's look at people who are deemed cool. The first thing, is they know and like who they are, they're comfortable with who they are, they are ok with their weirdness, they don't care if someone doesn't think they're cool.

To be cool, you need to know what you believe in, what your likes and dislikes are and then you need to be UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU. Be you without caring if someone doesn't think you're cool, that's their thought model. Be cool for YOU.

What would the coolest version of you do, how would he be?
Would he care about what other people think of him?
Would he be kind or an ***?
Would he be affected by other people not thinking he is cool?
What would he do in his life?
How would he go about his day?
Bring this awareness into your day.

Be cool for you and you will notice other people who think you are cool. It might not be the people who thought you were weird in school because they have their own issues, but you will be cool and you will become more popular.

The more quality traits you embrace, the more popular, liked and cool you will become.

Now, the craving to be liked is a much deeper topic.
Why do you crave to be popular?
-
When you answer that, ask WHY, again and again until you get to a feeling, i.e.
Why do you crave to be popular
- because then all those people will be amazed at how much I have changed.
"Why is that important?"
- Because then they will look up to me.
"Why is that important?"
- Because I won't feel so worthless any more.

Keep asking WHY until you get to a FEELING...Because I want to feel powerful, I want to feel connected, I want to feel significant etc.

Once you know this, you'll realise that it's actually that feeling you want and we can look at how to bring more of that feeling into your life. Hope that helps?

[SIZE="2"][FONT="Tahoma"]I recorded a few insights at the beginning of my healing journey on Youtube if you'd like to see them feel free to check them out here: http://bit.ly/YTSAB
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 12:41 PM
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There's one thing that stands people out from the rest. The courage to tell the truth no matter what.

Always tell the truth. Don't wear a mask to fit it.. tell your truth always..

Whats cool really? Who are the coolest people? The ones who are unashamedly themsleves and **** everyone else.. be humble.. be honest..

Those who can stand tall and tell the truth. Think about this.. Make goals and stop trying to fit in.. chase your goals and all else slips away..

Social anxiety is kept alive by wearing a mask.. you need to find the courage to bear your soul and live by your own terms.. never be ashamed of the truth.. take the mask off and stop trying to fit in.. people see tat a mile off.. cool is being yourself truthfully no matter what.. practise telling the truth in every conversation. It's the sure fire quickest way to confidence. trust me.. every conversation and interaction tell the truth and trust yourself that honesty is always the most important thing..

This is cool.. decide to be this person!


If—
Rudyard Kipling - 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!



Get busy and make goals and always tell the truth.. lean into discomfort voluntarily and you'll be amazed what you can achieve in life.. Be you own person! Do what engages you and chase your own goals.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 12:43 PM
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And check out Marisa Peer... I am enough!
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 02:33 PM
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Imagine you become popular all of a sudden, how would you deal with all the things that come with being popular? Answering messages all the time, having commitments with lots of different people that will leave you with very little free time, having to keep people entertained or solving quarrels in your social circles. Also, you know those little interactions that you hate, like being rejected by a person you just met, having to make nice with people you don't gel with, etc.? Imagine how much more frequently they would occur.

I think a lot of socially anxious people want the advantages of being sociable in a vacuum, without all the effort and disappointment they entail. It's best to be realistic. You may never be all that popular, but that's fine. You can still have a circle of people who love you and with whom you can spend quality time.
Also, doing things just to spite or impress people doesn't often yield the results you want and is only a band-aid.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 07:57 AM
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When I cast my mind back to my youthful years, my teens and early twenties, I remember having very similar thoughts as you @LucasRojas2000 . So, given that hindsight is 20/20, I think the best thing for you is to simply work on attaining your goals in life. Yes, just keep growing as a person, as a man, you don't need to impress anyone. Just strive for success in your given field and I guarantee you, people will want to know you, the ladies will want to know you, okay bro? So, that's one approach you can take.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 09:36 AM
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Popularity is fleeting, real friendships last, if you let them. I know you want the perks that come with popularity, everyone knowing your name, having a reputation, the women you think will come but at what cost? You'll look back on this in your 30's, 40's and feel empty. I was quasi popular in school, people knew me, I had girls who were interested, I was too self conscious to take it seriously and I was known for some legendary situations but being slightly popular or well known never made me feel good about myself.

Popularity may get you likes on your video or on your facebook/twitter but when times get hard, when it really counts those people aren't going to be there or care. Don't change because you want other people to be impressed, if you want to make changes, make them and if people notice they notice. Who's everybody else? who's popular? people are what they want you to see online, they have their own insecurities, hang ups, worries.

You're out of school right? nobody in the real world gives a words I can't say here about being popular. I have a friend in his 40's who s still trying to relieve his glory days, meet women younger than him, thinks he's cool, you don't want to get to his age and be chasing after this dream of trying to make people like you. What really matters are the people who generally care about you.

I m afraid of not being enough
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 08:59 PM
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You should forget about those enemies. Make new friends. Be yourself or have a new perspective about yourself. Change yourself.



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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2020, 12:12 PM
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Popularity isn't everything. You should just be yourself. Don't be like everyone else. I, too, was always the quiet kid in school. I was always too shy, which I now learned that I have always had social anxiety. My ex's parents thought that it was weird that I was too quiet... people can be very harsh with their words.
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