i should never have sad yes - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-13-2020, 04:54 PM Thread Starter
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i should never have sad yes

Hi All, im Ricky and im from Scotland.
i was put on an anti depressant 7 or 8 years ago for Social Anxiety, I always knew i had a problem but i never knew what to call it.
I know it probs comes in many forms but im not totally convinced its what i have and i was hoping some of you guys could give me ur opinion, i am thinking out loud so maybe its best i do some bullet points?

I HATE meeting new people and will avoid it if i can but once i get to know people im funny and good company, people who know me well would be surprised if they actually knew i suffered from it.

i am not scared to admit i am a complete wimp with difficult discussions, i really struggle to say no to anyone and this in it self is causing me many many slepless nights and stress because, my partner kind of talked me into getting married (its my 2nd time) i love her madly and am happy to marry her but despite me inside wanting to say no way i said yes and now its all happening and i am dying inside worrying about the day from start to finish. all i want is me and her and to sign the paper and go home, but i find myself in a situation where there are now 80 to 100 people going, starting 10am and will go on all day and night

and because i find it impossible to have a difficult discussion, the part i hate is the inital...hey we need to speak. i cannot bring myself to speak to her and tell her how i feel, as well as me feeling its unfair to ruin her big day i really dont know wot to do next

I avoid nights out, tho i do tend to say yes and then find any excuse not to go nearer the time

most of the time I hate the person i am, my mum was very similar so i guess i inherited it but the difference is she has never avoided difficult conversations, she will simply say no whereas i dont have that courage

whats wrong with me?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-20-2020, 10:01 PM
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Look If you're not comfortable then you shouldn't have said yes. Just let your parents and your fiance know the way you're feeling. Tell them your anxious thoughts. Let them help you.
Also, I think you'd really enjoy yourself if you just relax and don't overthink it.
If you don't know how to write your vows, ask your friends. I'm sure they'd be happy to help. When you've to read it, imagine that it's just you and her. You don't even have to look in her eyes. Just focus at any one point(near the eyes).

You could always take a little bit of ecstasy to help you relax XD

"Don't let small minds convince you that your dreams are too big."
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 04:42 AM
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Sometimes a NO can save your life.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 09:05 AM
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The truth is the best for you and her so try to tell her that you had trouble saying no, you are not ready but you are otherwise madly in love with her and happy to marry her. Though there will be some disappointment, she will still be happy to hear that.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:15 PM
Someone you used to know.
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If you can't be honest now, it's only going to get more difficult when you're married. You owe it to her and yourself to be honest. To do otherwise is a recipe for resentment.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:10 PM
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To me it sounds like you want to marry her but you're just dreading a big ceremony. You're right it's her big day but it's also yours. People tend to forget that. This should be a day that both of you can enjoy. Honestly, to me this doesn't have to be a big discussion or disagreement. It's not necessarily you saying no, it's more so you saying "how about we do this instead" or "how about we reduce the amount of people" or "I would like to have a more intimate ceremony." Marriage and relationships are a lot about compromise. I think it's important that you make her aware of how you feel.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:40 PM
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You should think yourself lucky that you have a partner. Many of us are doomed to spend our life alone. Have a strong drink and and face your fears.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 09:08 PM
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I never regret saying no.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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