I need help, my social anxiety is ruining my life
First of all, sorry for my english, it's not my first language.
I'm a 17 year old girl and I have had social anxiety for many years now but recently it has become worse.
I can't find meaning to my life anymore. I literally can't talk to anyone. Not even to my parents or to my close friends. I don't go out at all. My parent are very outgoing and they sometimes push me to go out. For example yesterday the people of my class were organizing a "party" and I don't know how my parents find out and they me go. I didn't enjoy it at all. I barely spoke to anyone, I was just sitting there waiting to go home.
My mind goes blank whenever I have to speak to someone, I just can't think of anything to say. I feel that I can't relate to anyone. I am very shy and the fact that I'm a bit weird doesn't help.
I don't feel comfortable around my friends anymore, I want to stay at home all the time, but this doesn't help either. I've have nothing to do and I feel I'm wasting my time.
I can't explain this to my parents because they wouldn't understand and my shyness and anxiety prevents me form doing so.
My life is a mess, I'm very depressed and I feel very lonely.