I'm So Sick of Feeling Lonely! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-13-2020, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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I'm So Sick of Feeling Lonely!


I can't take it anymore. Usually I'm all by myself and I feel somewhat okay. I feel '' stable ''.

But then I meet someone new and know them for a really short time (sometimes even just 1 or 2 days) and then spend time with them and then when I'm again alone, I feel this suffocating, unbearable feeling inside me. I don't even know what it is. But it feels stifling and horrible. Like I want to just keep running as fast as I can and try to get it out of system.

And then I keep obsessing over whether the other person really likes me or is just rejecting me. Obsessing over the state of uncertainty. Like I need their approval, and just a warm simple '' I'll be there for you ''. Because I don't know if they'll be there or not. I need some kind of a safety net and I can't get one. If I don't sense any reassurance from them, I get this stifling feeling I talked about earlier.

I don't know how normies go on dates and deal with this uncertainty so well. It's killing me inside. I think the only way I'll be happy in life is if I get married and I know for sure that she loves me and will always be there. But how do you reach that stage without going through stage of uncertainty?

I'm so sick of this feeling! It's killing me inside. This happens EVERY TIME I meet another human being!!!! What is wrong with me!?!?!? I just want to feel normal like everyone else.
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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-13-2020, 04:31 PM
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It sounds like you have an issue with attachment. I only get this bad when I'm really close to someone and I feel like I'm losing them - like now. I've been going on 1 hr walks for the past 3 days to get this feeling out of my system. Like I'm trying to keep my head above water. Anyway, it's unhealthy and it's not good to make another person responsible for your emotional state. I think you need to address your own insecurities before you even reach that stage with someone else. Basically work on yourself and that'll bring you closer to your goals.
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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-13-2020, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
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It sounds like you have an issue with attachment. I only get this bad when I'm really close to someone and I feel like I'm losing them - like now. I've been going on 1 hr walks for the past 3 days to get this feeling out of my system. Like I'm trying to keep my head above water. Anyway, it's unhealthy and it's not good to make another person responsible for your emotional state. I think you need to address your own insecurities before you even reach that stage with someone else. Basically work on yourself and that'll bring you closer to your goals.
Yeah I have attachment issues. Not just with people, even with objects. But its stronger with people.

How would you address the insecurities though? What kind of insecurities would cause attachment issues?

And yeah its not healthy at all...……..It's a really precarious situation when you make someone else responsible for your well being. But I wonder if everyone is actually like that in a more '' group sense ''. Rather than being attached to one person and making them responsible for your well being, are most people just attached to their circle of friends and their attachment is healthily divided among them? They say humans are a social species so maybe...?
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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 01:11 AM
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People who don't have any trouble getting dates are a lot less likely to obsess about whether or not the other person on the date is going to reject them. The harder it is for you to find someone, the more important it's going to be that they not reject you. There are a lot of other variables, ofc. People have different temperaments, some people have abandonment issues, self-esteem is a factor, etc. But generally speaking, the harder it is to get something, the more you're going to be afraid of losing it. Simple math. Rich people don't worry about when their toilet is going to start leaking the way I worry about mine. I live in permanent dread of it.

The only thing better than money is more money.
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 12:35 PM
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People who don't have any trouble getting dates are a lot less likely to obsess about whether or not the other person on the date is going to reject them.
Ah, yes. Abundance mentality. Hard to have when hiding in my cave avoiding putting myself out there to meet women.
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post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
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People who don't have any trouble getting dates are a lot less likely to obsess about whether or not the other person on the date is going to reject them. The harder it is for you to find someone, the more important it's going to be that they not reject you. There are a lot of other variables, ofc. People have different temperaments, some people have abandonment issues, self-esteem is a factor, etc. But generally speaking, the harder it is to get something, the more you're going to be afraid of losing it. Simple math. Rich people don't worry about when their toilet is going to start leaking the way I worry about mine. I live in permanent dread of it.
Gee Truant......this makes me feel so good about myself

lol
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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Ah, yes. Abundance mentality. Hard to have when hiding in my cave avoiding putting myself out there to meet women.
Are you a listener of Based Shaman by any chance? I heard the same phrase on that show once lol
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 05:44 PM
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Are you a listener of Based Shaman by any chance? I heard the same phrase on that show once lol
Nah. It's a common term used in the manosphere.
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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-15-2020, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Bump. Anyone home?
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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-15-2020, 05:05 PM
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Bump. Anyone home?
Sounds like you don't have enough people in your life - and haven't in the past either. You want people's approval and you're afraid they won't like you.

I don't have enough people in my life either - but I don't really care all that much if people don't like me anymore. I often don't like them either - who cares.

It helps to have had a lot of people really like you in the past - I've had masses of them and still have some now too. It' gives you confidence and you won't worry about what one or two people will think now.

Hope you're alright anyway mate.
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post #11 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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Sounds like you don't have enough people in your life - and haven't in the past either. You want people's approval and you're afraid they won't like you.

I don't have enough people in my life either - but I don't really care all that much if people don't like me anymore. I often don't like them either - who cares.
I did have more friends when I was a child. I was not so sensitive back then. And between the ages of 14 and 17 I had a best friend (a girl who I dated for some time) and we were very close. I did not feel emotionally insecure back then either.

And you're right, I do crave people's approval. Eg: I get nervous whenever I go into any store and ask someone about something and then walk out without buying anything. I feel like they won't like me unless I buy something from them so I cannot walk into any store and walk out without buying something.

And I have to fake a lot of smiles just to make sure I don't make anyone feel bad.

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It helps to have had a lot of people really like you in the past - I've had masses of them and still have some now too. It' gives you confidence and you won't worry about what one or two people will think now.

Hope you're alright anyway mate.
Hmm I find that it depends on how long back in the past it happened. 5 years ago? Doesn't matter for me. But if happened a week ago, then it works. You are constantly changing as a person and your self esteem is looking for validation for the person that you currently are.

Hope you're alright too mate
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post #12 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:42 PM
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Yeah I have attachment issues. Not just with people, even with objects. But its stronger with people.

How would you address the insecurities though? What kind of insecurities would cause attachment issues?

And yeah its not healthy at all...……..It's a really precarious situation when you make someone else responsible for your well being. But I wonder if everyone is actually like that in a more '' group sense ''. Rather than being attached to one person and making them responsible for your well being, are most people just attached to their circle of friends and their attachment is healthily divided among them? They say humans are a social species so maybe...?
Attachment usually is related to anxiety. To address the insecurities you need to understand why you feel that way and when did you start feeling that way. Maybe you've had a bad experience previously and were hurt by someone? Maybe you never formed close relationships growing up and you cling to anyone that can provide a sense of that? It really depends. And yeah I would say people normally have healthy levels of attachment. Emotions are always on a spectrum. It only ever becomes a problem when it affects your daily life and causes this much distress.
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post #13 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 07:53 PM
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I wonder who based shaman is *googles*

https://www.reddit.com/r/Trufemcels/..._based_shaman/

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I've seen this person's name (presumably a moid), quite a few times over the past few days. They have apparently made a video about us, attracting new followers to this sub. The optimistic side of me hopes they portrayed us in a good light (perhaps sympathizing and trying to understand us), but the cynical side of me thinks they're just making fun of us.
https://www.reddit.com/r/basedshaman...t_shaman_in_a/

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Let’s face it Shaman will be doing incel videos until most incels lost their virginity.

The femcel video yesterday seems to break his tradition of being neutral with male incels and pick a side with the femcels who made it cleared that they “adopted” shaman to piss off the incels and shaman loves it.

I worry this will invite more incel haters flooding this sub to vent. We had a week of quiet and peace since the other guy tapped out. But now we see these happening all over again and in the long run possibly worse. SMH
*actually looks at his channel*

damn he has made a lot of videos about Chris Chan.

The wretched world we’re living in at present was not an unlucky war of fate; it was an economic and political decision made without consulting the enormous human population that it would most drastically affect. If we would have it otherwise, if we’d prefer a future that we can call home, then we must stop supporting — even passively — this ravenous, insatiable conservative agenda before it devours us with our kids as a dessert. - Alan Moore

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post #14 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 08:51 PM
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Hi DukeDuck, I'm so sorry to hear of you having attachment issues and how you feel. For me, I just be loyal to God the best I can and to the best of my knowledge and pray to God and it seems to just go away or I could handle it.
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post #15 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-16-2020, 09:10 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
Attachment usually is related to anxiety. To address the insecurities you need to understand why you feel that way and when did you start feeling that way. Maybe you've had a bad experience previously and were hurt by someone? Maybe you never formed close relationships growing up and you cling to anyone that can provide a sense of that? It really depends. And yeah I would say people normally have healthy levels of attachment. Emotions are always on a spectrum. It only ever becomes a problem when it affects your daily life and causes this much distress.
Yeah I did have a bad experience some time back with a friend. But I had attachment issues then too and that's what made it hard.

I did form close friendships growing up. But not that many romantic ones. Maybe that's why?
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post #16 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Bump. This is still killing me inside
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post #17 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 01:06 AM
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I think you need to find a friend, more than 1 that has the energy, time and would talk and listen to you and let you know that, they can be on this site that would alleviate the attachment issue. You've got them for now so that would help you get by for now. There are friends out there you can find that'll always be there for you, even trying to find one in real life and always having hope. ^I prayed for you!
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post #18 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 02:23 AM Thread Starter
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I think you need to find a friend, more than 1 that has the energy, time and would talk and listen to you and let you know that, they can be on this site that would alleviate the attachment issue. You've got them for now so that would help you get by for now. There are friends out there you can find that'll always be there for you, even trying to find one in real life and always having hope. ^I prayed for you!
Aw thanks

Yeah I really need to make more friends. It's hard cause I have a speech impediment. Most people just don't bother talking to me when they see me struggling because they think that I would rather not talk because of the speech problem. But its the other way around. I do want to talk, but its just hard.
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post #19 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 02:37 AM
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ALLL is BEneath the skin of all things.. SOFFFTYYWAAARE!!!
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post #20 of 51 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 04:31 PM
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Aw thanks

Yeah I really need to make more friends. It's hard cause I have a speech impediment. Most people just don't bother talking to me when they see me struggling because they think that I would rather not talk because of the speech problem. But its the other way around. I do want to talk, but its just hard.
Ok, how about online?
And you're welcome!
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