i have to stop feeling bitter - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 11:13 AM Thread Starter
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i have to stop feeling bitter


i have too stop feeling bitterness towards people from my past.....i keep thinking of people who bullied me, laughed at me and who made my life a misery....its driving me nuts.....i hated them but they are not in my life anymore, so i need to get them out of my head because constantly ruminating on them is destroying me.....i feel hate but it is gnawing away at my mind

i have toleave them behind.....they are only destroying me
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 08:16 AM
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I used to do that all the time. What I did was to imagine the situation as animation/comic. Change the voices and just imagine it being unreal, funny but it helped me. It took away the seriousness that I attached to the situation.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
i have too stop feeling bitterness towards people from my past.....i keep thinking of people who bullied me, laughed at me and who made my life a misery....its driving me nuts.....i hated them but they are not in my life anymore, so i need to get them out of my head because constantly ruminating on them is destroying me.....i feel hate but it is gnawing away at my mind

i have toleave them behind.....they are only destroying me
I can't remember where I read this quote but it said that " Indulging in hatred is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die ''.

And its so true. I know how you feel, its difficult to let go of those instances. Have you talked to a therapist regarding the trauma that these interactions might have caused?
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 11:55 PM
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Yep. I am the same.

I'm like a broken record. I guess I have nothing else to think about so the past keeps on replaying in my mind.

Everytime I catch myself feeling bitter and angry about the past, I tell myself no and find something else to think about or do something to keep my mind occupied.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-09-2020, 01:37 AM
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I really understand this, I play the past over n over again, I want to look forward I know I need to train my mind and be in control of my emotions

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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-09-2020, 02:54 AM
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Sounds like a great plan!!! 🙂

You can't change your past!
Don't waste your energy on it!

If you still feel anger or hate or bitterness towards past idiots that crossed your life, or crap that went wrong you are still emotionally involved with them/it!
Let them/it go, giving room for other things!

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-09-2020, 04:47 AM
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I felt hate for someone from a particular time for many years. And it took me that long to realise I had to forgive so I could move on and not let It bother me anymore I know this it is hard to forgive, as I have harbouring Ill feelings towards someone currently and it will take me a long time to forgive them for the trauma they put me through and I may never completely forgive them but Im going to try eventually as I know this is a fact to life to forgive so as to not manifest anger and Ill l feelings. And I think the first step is talking about what happened openly.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-10-2020, 10:03 PM
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It's hard to let go the past... Idk why tho...

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-10-2020, 10:20 PM
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How long has it been? I would say maybe it's kind of normal (if not exactly healthy) to carry some bitterness for some time after something like severe bullying. I don't have any real bitterness towards my bullies now but I'm almost 50 and I was maybe 13 at the time so.

I have seen people I hated in my youth many years later and some of them were not doing so well. You'd think maybe I'd have been happy to see that but I just felt sorry for them TBH. I found out a couple of them died. Did not feel good at all.

Anyway, it hurts you more than it hurts them to spend more of your life suffering because of them.

/WYSD
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-10-2020, 11:58 PM
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I still have bitterness towards unpleasant schoolmates I run into every so often. A while back I recognized a classmate who I disliked and she was at the crosswalk. I just blew by her instead of yielding to her. Last month I ran into another classmate I never liked in the grocery line. I cut in front of her. She was too preoccupied with her two young toddler children to notice. She's is now a mom. But I still see her as that snobby girl who I can't stand in most of my classes from many many years ago. I'm pathetic.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-12-2020, 09:56 AM
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It's hard to let go of it. Thinking it out and journaling might help. Also just think "why focus on them when you can focus on yourself"


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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 09:52 AM
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!


This is something that plagues at me every now and then. I think the only way for me to settle with it is if I let it go and move on from it. Every time the thought comes back and or those repressed memories seep back into the front of my head, I can only feel anger and hate.

I too think this is very bad for me and it's probably very unhealthy. I am too scared to look into them now as I'm afraid of how much better their life is than mine.

I shouldn't be someone who holds grudges (I usually am) and I know I need to let it all go but when those memories come back it's really hard.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Yep. I am the same.

I'm like a broken record. I guess I have nothing else to think about so the past keeps on replaying in my mind.

Everytime I catch myself feeling bitter and angry about the past, I tell myself no and find something else to think about or do something to keep my mind occupied.
I don't know what you're up to now but back when I did that, I had almost nothing going on. Now that I am growing in different areas in life and constantly active creating new experiences, the past almost doesn't get the chance to get into my mind like that anymore.

I'm gonna sound corny but effective now: You let go of the past by creating a new future for yourself.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 03:15 PM
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Best way to let something go like this is to forgive them. That's not to say that what they did was right, but that you've accepted that the past is the past, and that you're not willing to let it hold you back x

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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 03:49 PM
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Well the wise thing to do is to let that stuff go from the past and work on improving yourself. Much easier said then done I know.

But on the other hand getting even is not a bad idea either. Nothing illegal im suggesting but they have caused you live long mental health issues from there abuse. They should not get to just go on living life happy and carefree. You need to even the score. Then move on and work on yourself. But they have to pay in some way.

Im not a believer in god so this stuff people say that they will be punished in the afterlife or god will somehow settle the score for you is a bunch of crap that will not happen.

Just my 2 cents. Get even and make there life as bad as they did to you. Just keep it legal!
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 08:00 PM
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Yep - the bitterness can linger. It seems like the more someone is bullied, the more there is.


I still rant from time to time, but I also bend it toward motivation.
If I get upset, I go for a run. I learn more. I think about more positive things.

@WillYouStopDave is right. The people who were cruel don't always end up well. Even if they do, there are hidden problems underneath the success. It's never what you seem.


Forgiveness -> it releases you of the pain, and it DOES NOT release the perpetrator of his responsibility!!!! What goes around, comes around - in other words.

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 03:44 AM
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Forgiveness is much more difficult to apply for SAD people.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 11:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
i have too stop feeling bitterness towards people from my past.....i keep thinking of people who bullied me, laughed at me and who made my life a misery....its driving me nuts.....i hated them but they are not in my life anymore, so i need to get them out of my head because constantly ruminating on them is destroying me.....i feel hate but it is gnawing away at my mind

i have toleave them behind.....they are only destroying me
Absolutely tough here, a person that experiences and holds all that in will have a victim identity mindset. Then the internal will color the external, meaning everybody will appear easily mean and judgmental. I would suggest to sit down and replay those memories and re-experience them in order to surrender and let go. All those suppressed negative emotions should be un-suppressed or allow them to come up. They will run their course.

I heard a nice quote from a movie once that says something like this:

"when you feel sad, cry it out. Once all the tears are gone, you realize that nothing bad happened and life goes on"

Remember, your views and what you have to say matter to others AND to yourself
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 10:39 PM
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Bitterness is onerous to ameliorate. I would suggest sublimating it into something positive, such as exercise, creative self-expression, a career, caring for stray dogs, or some other such thing. The cliche that a life lived well is the best revenge is probably right.


That said, I've mostly failed to follow my own advice. I've attempted to beguile bitterness with compassion meditation. I met with some success and catharsis -- a purging of bitterness, followed by an overwhelming feeling of joy. There's something transcendental and beautiful about being able to look an enemy in the eyes and maintain equanimity and compassion. Such strength! Such forbearance! To look to someone with love in your heart as they sneer in your face provides liberation, provided such practice recurs.



As I have failed to achieve that ideal, I would not think to blame others for not achieving it. I sympathize with your difficulty in overcoming bitterness.


I frequently struggle with bitterness, as well as the resulting fantasies of vengeance. I hope to one day harness the power of compassion to free me from bitterness and animosity.
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