I hardly ever have anything to say. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 02:34 PM Thread Starter
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I hardly ever have anything to say.


There are times when I feel a bit confident and less anxious. And I prepare myself to talk to someone at work, but then I realise I actually have nothing to talk about, my life is so uninteresting (I have no friends, no life outside home and work) I fear that I'll never have anything to talk about. Does anyone ever feel like that, and how do you deal with it?
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 02:36 PM
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I'm the same. And even when I do have something to talk about, I hardly say anything about it.

I don't exactly deal with it. I'm just the quiet one at work. People like talking about themselves a lot though, so I think it helps to redirect the conversation back to them.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 02:59 PM
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I understand. Basically I just watch other people...what they say and how they respond to certain things. And take notes in my head lol. It's definitely easier if the conversation is about something I'm interested in. For example, if my coworkers are talking about video games, all of a sudden I have a lot (my definition of 'a lot' lol) to say.


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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
People like talking about themselves a lot though, so I think it helps to redirect the conversation back to them.
I find this very helpful. Try to think up questions to ask about whatever they're talking about. "Really?" "How did that happen?" "Which is your favorite?" etc.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 03:42 PM
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Same. Even online where I'm less anxious I just can't think of stuff to say. When I try I usually regret it because judge myself as sounding boring/stupid/insulting.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 03:51 PM
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Most people can't shut up and love to talk about themselves and their opinions, so they're probably pleased if you're just listening and giving small prompts now and then.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 04:03 PM
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Hello Lisa1, I am Lisa. I think we may be twins.

I am just stopping by to say hello
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 04:32 PM
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I'll talk to anyone, if they sound boring I'll make my exit, if I say something stupid I'll laugh, if I think I am boring them then I`ll walk...or maybe drag it out a bit longer for them.


I can annoy myself sometimes when I go on.

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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 06:34 PM
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I find myself not wanting to talk about things most people want to talk about. Partly, because I don't find my life that interesting and can maybe come up with a few brief and boring comments about what I do or what I do for fun. I never developed the skill of storytelling like some people do. There's an old man at my place of work (one of my favorite people there) who will walk up to me and just talk about random stuff from his past or something someone said to him that day he thought was funny. I don't mind listening to people do that, but it's just not something I'm good at or comfortable doing. I guess I've learned to keep just about everything to myself. I bore myself when I speak.

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 08:24 PM
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I go through periods where I can summon some enthusiasm, but for the most part, I just don't have much to talk about.

Could be depression, could be my personality. I'm not sure. I usually find maintaining any sort of online friendship laborious because you are 100% reliant on conversation. It's not like you can just go for a walk together, or see a movie, etc.

There are times when me and a close RL friend will just cruise around in the car listening to music, maybe saying 5 words over the course of an hour, lol. Those are the kinds of relationships I like.

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-23-2020, 02:26 PM
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I just talk. I think the key is to not think too much and stay in the moment, be as spontaneous as possible. People don't generally expect too much from general everyday chit-chat. It's almost just a way to fill the silence, feel more comfortable &#x1f609;
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-23-2020, 05:51 PM
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I don't get why so many people with SA have this problem. It cannot only be because of the anxiety blocking our thoughts, because even when we are not anxious we have nothing to say, or type. I have really poor memory so I can't recall and tell stories with enough details to be interesting or long enough to fill the silence for a decent amount of time. I've thought about this a lot because it affects all my interpersonal relationships, I am losing long time friends, have been dumped by a girl that loved me at first but got bored and tired of me because a lack of communication. Maybe all this years of anxiety have deteriorated my cognitive skills, because anxiety and cortisol kills braincells in the hippocampus(are of the brain associated with memory) and PFC. Though I remember being quiet as a kid too, and anxiety hadn't had time to affect me back then. I still remember telling opinions on specific things and being called knowledgeable for my age. But now I can't express myself on the fly, it's like the thought is there but I can't translate it into words. Maybe it's also because of a lack of practice talking to people? being avoidant of having conversations due to anxiety since a young age has kept me from developing communication skills, though I've always forced myself to socialise and stand the intense stress I feel. I don't consider myself to be dumb, I've always been good at problem solving, STEM and school. I am just not a good speaker I guess. But it sometimes feels like a mental disability, as if SA wasn't enough. I just don't get why so many people with SA have this, maybe it is one of the contributing factors of social anxiety and if we were good at talking we wouldn't always be so anxious, our minds would be distracted in social situations, we wouldn't be so self focused, and probably wouldn't get bad looks from people awkwarded by the silence we bring. It can't be that hard to just talk, you only have to recall something that happened to you and decently articulate it, you don't have to make a complex logical reasoning or be a hilarious comedian, just tell your previously thought out opinion on something or one of the thousands of anecdotes from your life, the thought is already in your brain it shouldn't be so damn hard, it is clearly an issue with long term memory. Sometimes I feel like an NPC with no background, story or interaction in this videogame that life is.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 03:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by incapaz dseguir mintiendo View Post
I have really poor memory so I can't recall and tell stories with enough details to be interesting or long enough to fill the silence for a decent amount of time... it is clearly an issue with long term memory.
I think a lot of this stems from us not being in the habit of repeating details to others so are brain doesn't store them as much. Like if every time a woman goes to a party her friends ask what so and so was wearing her mind becomes trained to notice and retain that information. I was recently around my cousins and they can talk for hours about how this and that happened and I'm sure everything they told me they probably told at least three other people before me. In other words, the more we care about something, the more vividly we remember it, and for me since I can barely get words out, it's harder to care about things unless it's personally intriguing instead of having general relevance.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 03:18 PM
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You know that's so interesting. I notice that about people all the time. They repeat the same story to as many people as possible. It always leaves me like wow they can really talk about that topic. While I'm used to maybe telling one person and that person then relaying it to someone else. Since I've never been that talkative, it's a good point as to why my memory is not as vivid.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1 View Post
There are times when I feel a bit confident and less anxious. And I prepare myself to talk to someone at work, but then I realise I actually have nothing to talk about, my life is so uninteresting (I have no friends, no life outside home and work) I fear that I'll never have anything to talk about. Does anyone ever feel like that, and how do you deal with it?

I feel like this sometimes. Especially when I'm not comfortable with the person or I'm simply not clicking with them. Other times my brain will just be blank and I'll be trying to think of something to say but nothing will come. It can get very frustrating sometimes. You could be just anxious, which I get a lot of the time. I am sure there's someone out there who'd enjoy speaking to you though.

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 06:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtd1974 View Post
I just talk. I think the key is to not think too much and stay in the moment, be as spontaneous as possible. People don't generally expect too much from general everyday chit-chat. It's almost just a way to fill the silence, feel more comfortable &#x1f609;
Me too. I just say whatever's on my mind and my best topics are on religion and health topics. There's also the get-to-know-eachother topic. You don't always have to message someone online and vice versa and irl it's nice when it doesn't matter to the other person if you don't talk for a while, perhaps you don't have anything to say or you're just viewing the scenery but then you can share about your thoughts. but even the little things can be something or mean a lot. I agree with you jtd1974. You could just go with the flow that you like. The most important thing to me is that the person is kind. I don't mind if they're so-called boring or not really relatable to me.
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 06:46 PM
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The other thing about conversation is caring for each other which is a trait I have, helping the other person or each other and therefore I'm good at emotional conversation too.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old Today, 08:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karsten View Post
I go through periods where I can summon some enthusiasm, but for the most part, I just don't have much to talk about.

Could be depression, could be my personality. I'm not sure. I usually find maintaining any sort of online friendship laborious because you are 100% reliant on conversation. It's not like you can just go for a walk together, or see a movie, etc.

There are times when me and a close RL friend will just cruise around in the car listening to music, maybe saying 5 words over the course of an hour, lol. Those are the kinds of relationships I like.
I think if you could relate to the topics, you could talk. I have a recollection of you talking about different things that you wanted to talk about or have intelligent knowledge about so it's not that you're boring, it's about what you can relate to. it also could be helpful to learn from others on what helps with conversation or had a friend who can lead conversations. Hope this helps the OP also.
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