I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 07:52 AM
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Originally Posted by slurpazillia View Post
there is something called statistics and being observant. i dont think anyone has to experience the being of both genders to know that is easier for a woman to at the very least find someone to have sex with them.

im a guy. lets say both of us were at a bar and our objective for the night was to sit there quietly get drunk and go home with the first person to flirt with us. you would no doubt be leaving the bar 15 minutes after you got there. i would be going home at 2:00am drunk as hell and alone.

id have to say that both genders have an equally hard time finding a "quality" relationship but thats about it.
That's exactly what I mean. You have no ****ing clue. Gender doesn't put you into a category. I have never been flirted with in my entire life let alone had the opportunity to have sex. So don't assume you know things you obviously have no experience with. We all have it ****ing hard so stop the *****ing about "gender differences" and take some responsibility for yourself. The only people who have it a bit easier in the dating world when it comes to SA are the attractive ones and that goes for both male and female.
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post #42 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 08:01 AM
 
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to be honest, b/c I've been the same way....you probably don't give off the approachable "come talk to me" vibe. Perhaps your body language suggests "leave me alone" so no guys will come up to you. I used to run away (pretty much) when a guy would talk to me or act so shocked and awkward that they thought I was not interested. Work on being up and looking friendly and confident. Then lots of men will show interest, also you could strike up convo with them first. make the first move.
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post #43 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 08:49 AM
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I am 100% sure that there were guys who had a crush on you at school. But somehow they never had the guts to approach you. This could be because you were shy or acted as if you were not interested or just too busy with other things in life to deal with them.
This is probably true! It's tough approaching a girl you like... It's especially tough when you don't get the impression that she's interested too.

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post #44 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 09:21 AM
 
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Yeah I meant girls have it easier just finding a guy. If you are thinking about a long term very close relationship and not a fling that will be over with in about a month you are putting the cart before the horse. Everyone has trouble getting those. But if you are a girl you can find someone to sleep with or a guy to mess around with like that and the reason I know is not because I have experience being a woman because I have experience being a man and those of you that think that no intelligent man wouldn't want a brainless pretty woman are kind of lost... not saying it's right though.
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post #45 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 09:30 AM
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No, not "if you're a girl", it's "if you're a pretty girl". I absolutely hate it that guys see all women in their head as all attractive women and really don't get that if you're not attractive, you're not approached, especially if you're shy. Not saying the OP is unattractive, just saying I'm ****ing sick of these stupid generalizations that make me feel like I'm not considered a female.
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post #46 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 09:39 AM
 
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No, not "if you're a girl", it's "if you're a pretty girl". I absolutely hate it that guys see all women in their head as all attractive women and really don't get that if you're not attractive, you're not approached, especially if you're shy. Not saying the OP is unattractive, just saying I'm ****ing sick of these stupid generalizations that make me feel like I'm not considered a female.
My point is two people have the same exact SA and the exact same attractiveness one a woman, one a man. They both work on it and get to the point where the SA isn't crippling and they can sort of interact. Want to bet who will find someone first?

If your SA is crippling enough you will not get any attention, it has nothing to do with attractiveness. I consider myself attractive and most females quickly lose interest when they begin talking to me, I have never gotten a number.

I'm only trying to give the OP some hope. Even if it does come across as sexist...
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post #47 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 09:43 AM
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And your point only works if she is attractive (which I have no idea). Otherwise, you're just being hurtful and unfair, because life doesn't work that way "just because you're a girl".
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post #48 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 10:38 AM
 
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I have never been flirted with in my entire life let alone had the opportunity to have sex.

how do you know you have never been flirted with? Could it be that b/c of SA you didn't even recognize it as flirting? I cannot tell you how many times I was too blind to see someone's obvious interest in me. Men would try to approach me and I would not have a clue b/c I had low self esteem kinda like "what? you talking to me?" reaction. or it would just scare me and I'd get all nervous and escape the situation. Just saying, maybe there have been opportunities but you didn't see them.
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post #49 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 10:59 AM
 
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And your point only works if she is attractive (which I have no idea). Otherwise, you're just being hurtful and unfair, because life doesn't work that way "just because you're a girl".
You're missing my point entirely, attractiveness dosen't matter that much to guys. If the girl has a pulse and they're responding that's enough for some. You might think it's your looks because of low self esteem, but it's more likely guys just think your cold and not interested from your behavior. Which is a part of SA we can all relate to.
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post #50 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 11:46 AM
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You're missing my point entirely, attractiveness dosen't matter that much to guys. If the girl has a pulse and they're responding that's enough for some. You might think it's your looks because of low self esteem, but it's more likely guys just think your cold and not interested from your behavior. Which is a part of SA we can all relate to.
I do agree that attractiveness doesn't matter much to lots of guys, I think most guys will find any woman who is slim attractive.

But I think anyone who lacks confidence, whether they are a man or woman will find it hard to get dates. Confidence is key. Like I said higher up, people need to stop dwelling on negatives, its just so wrong!
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post #51 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 12:08 PM
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how do you know you have never been flirted with? Could it be that b/c of SA you didn't even recognize it as flirting? I cannot tell you how many times I was too blind to see someone's obvious interest in me. Men would try to approach me and I would not have a clue b/c I had low self esteem kinda like "what? you talking to me?" reaction. or it would just scare me and I'd get all nervous and escape the situation. Just saying, maybe there have been opportunities but you didn't see them.
I wish. The thing is that no man (nor woman) has ever approached me. So there never has been a guy for me to judge his intention with. I have asked a few guys out and I deeply regret doing so considering their reactions. I just get the feeling that I'm alone in this and there really isn't anyone out there as repelling as I am. Hell, I can't even make friends. Thanks for the help, though. I suppose I shouldn't have started. You'd think I would've learned by now. I don't belong here.

As for attractiveness not mattering, that is complete bull****.
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post #52 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 12:16 PM
 
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I have never felt a physical attraction to ANYONE ever. I was in a relationship for 3 years but I never looked at her as something I was physically attracted to. Im not gay, I left that open for a while but it doesn't matter, Im just simply not attracted physically to anyone. It sounds like being Asexual, but im really not sure..maybe I just have not found someone im attracted to?
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post #53 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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^^^what about celebrity crushes? I don't get them anymore but when I was a tween/teen I was all about Brad Pitt and crap LOL
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post #54 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LostInReverie View Post
As for attractiveness not mattering, that is complete bull****.
agreed...pretty people have it easier for sure. They get perks and people are generally more pleasent to good looking folks. Like if you dropped a bunch of stuff on the street, people would be more likely to help you if you're pretty. People are also more inclined to do favors for you. They get more promotions at work, more opportunity. but you have to be nice and open too.

However, LostInReverie, if you're implying you are unattractive I would absolutely have to disagree. I see nothing repelling about your physical appearance. I have a feeling it has more to do with attitude and how you may come across to guys....like if you seem closed off or uninterested in company. I have been guilty of this as well.
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post #55 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 01:21 PM
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agreed...pretty people have it easier for sure. They get perks and people are generally more pleasent to good looking folks. Like if you dropped a bunch of stuff on the street, people would be more likely to help you if you're pretty. People are also more inclined to do favors for you. They get more promotions at work, more opportunity. but you have to be nice and open too.

However, LostInReverie, if you're implying you are unattractive I would absolutely have to disagree. I see nothing repelling about your physical appearance. I have a feeling it has more to do with attitude and how you may come across to guys....like if you seem closed off or uninterested in company. I have been guilty of this as well.
I've just looked at a pic of LostinReverie, flipping heck, talk about thinking negatively, she looks absolutely fine, she has huge potential to look an absolute babe. If Lostinreverie had some confidence in herself she could have her pick of guys for sure!
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post #56 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 01:34 PM
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Like I said higher up, people need to stop dwelling on negatives, its just so wrong!
I'd need some sort of makeshift lobotomy to stop dwelling on negatives. It's like there's a constant mind-inferno of negative experiences that I can never switch off. Even the most trivial failures/embarrassments/rejections haunt me for years and refuse to be forgotten about.
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post #57 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 07:39 PM
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VCL XI - I don't get your post. Should I just give in and date men that are my fathers age?
Noooo way, I was just making a dumb joke. The image of a swarm of creepy, sexed-up old guys prowling around everywhere put a funny image in my head...even if it apparently isn't too far from the truth.
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post #58 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 10:21 PM
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Noooo way, I was just making a dumb joke. The image of a swarm of creepy, sexed-up old guys prowling around everywhere put a funny image in my head...even if it apparently isn't too far from the truth.
Christ, now I have an elaborate mental image from Shivers.
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post #59 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 10:55 PM
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Aww well I think the main aim is to be able to feel happy alone before you are ready to go into a relationship of any sort. Be happy in the 'now' of life and accept it for what it is rather than always looking to something greater for comfort and satisfaction. People who compare and say well just because she has a bf I need one too aren't even questioning what THEY really want rather they're looking at others expectations and adjusting they're actions in accordance. Dating is usually just a 'stage' that everybody goes through before they find the one they really like, but let that one person come to you and be patient, don't get upset if it hasn't happened yet or become depressed in anticipation because it may not even happen the way you'd like. Mostly these sorts of things take time and effort and usually happen when its least expected, but on the same token, some people are just luckier than others and are able to find that 'special' person earlier on in life and end up spending their whole lives together. I've also known dudes from my work who are ove 30 (good looking) and still live with their parents. Quiet often things like this happen too. Take it all in your stride ;-)
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post #60 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 11:27 PM
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Oh, and who cares if people think your crazy for not dating. It's your life. Do whatever you want.
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