I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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I'm not trying to be depressing or anything I truly believe this. I've seen the ugliest of ugly people be in relationships and can find a boyfriend. No boys show any interest in me expect older men who I have no interest in. I get a few guys who look at me and talk to me if I'm with someone I know and that person knows them and they give a little "hi" and a few looks but nothing. I don't know if it's because I look so serious or what but no guys ever talk to me or anything. Could it be because I'm not approachable? How do you act approachable? I thought getting back into school would make me happier but I'm really not. I was thinking maybe it's because I need someone. My best friend who just a few weeks ago never had an actual boyfriend that you go out places with and doesn't do the whole boyfriend dating thing, this week tells me that she now has one and then said something about I just "need to go get a boyfriend" like out of the blue. How do you find happiness? I am never going to be happy with life. Yeah I know I'm 18 I have time but EVERYONE has a boyfriend or girlfriend. My mother already asked me if I was gay and most people probably think I am like everyone thinks it's so crazy when your aren't dating.

I know how you feel. My mom thinks that i am into chicks. The only guys that give me attention are creepy forty year olds. Even if i like a guy and then i figure out that they like me i just freak out and push them away. I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody takes my anxiety seriously either. They think that its not that bad and that i can just get over it. I'm pretty sure my mom just thinks i want attention. My medication hardly works and my doctor thinks im being dramatic and won't put me on anything that actually works.
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post #22 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 10:08 PM
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its good to know im not alone on this lol, i feel like ill never meet someone and like no guy is interestd in me that is my age,only the olddddd guys that i have no interest in. theres a guy at work i really like but i feel as if im not good enough for him *hes gorgeous*.he has shown a little intrest in me but i dont wanna be hurt i want to be his only one, not his 5th on the side to the right lol,the gorgeous ones are always the players

And miles to go before I sleep.
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post #23 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 10:21 PM
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I'm a couple years younger than you, I'm 16, but I can relate. Occasionally people will ask me if I have a boyfriend, and I always say "not right now" as if I've had a few in the past. Ha.
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post #24 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 12:57 AM
 
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This is going to sound really sexist but I think it's a lot harder for men than women in this area. Unless you're becoming an oldmaid spinster or something you will find someone eventually, so have hope.
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post #25 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 06:52 AM
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Occasionally people will ask me if I have a boyfriend, and I always say "not right now" as if I've had a few in the past. Ha.
Hehe, me too!
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post #26 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 07:12 AM
 
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I'm 22 and I don't WANT a boyfriend, life is stressful enough as it is without adding another person to complicate it! I think you're just feeling insecure because you're the odd one out, but remember there are benefits to being single too.
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post #27 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 09:25 AM
 
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This is going to sound really sexist but I think it's a lot harder for men than women in this area. Unless you're becoming an oldmaid spinster or something you will find someone eventually, so have hope.
I don't think that's sexist, I think it's true. Despite the women's lib movement, there's still kind of the expectation that it's the man's job to ask out the woman, not the other way around; girls can get away with being shy more than guys can. (I don't mean to belittle anyone's issues, I don't mean it's easy for every girl, but it's true.)
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post #28 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by KC-Blu-Eyez View Post
I'm not trying to be depressing or anything I truly believe this. I've seen the ugliest of ugly people be in relationships and can find a boyfriend. No boys show any interest in me expect older men who I have no interest in. I get a few guys who look at me and talk to me if I'm with someone I know and that person knows them and they give a little "hi" and a few looks but nothing. I don't know if it's because I look so serious or what but no guys ever talk to me or anything. Could it be because I'm not approachable? How do you act approachable? I thought getting back into school would make me happier but I'm really not. I was thinking maybe it's because I need someone. My best friend who just a few weeks ago never had an actual boyfriend that you go out places with and doesn't do the whole boyfriend dating thing, this week tells me that she now has one and then said something about I just "need to go get a boyfriend" like out of the blue. How do you find happiness? I am never going to be happy with life. Yeah I know I'm 18 I have time but EVERYONE has a boyfriend or girlfriend. My mother already asked me if I was gay and most people probably think I am like everyone thinks it's so crazy when your aren't dating.
work on your looks, fix your hair or whatever, us guys are visual, and they start noticing then you have to put off an approachable vibe, Ive stopped from approachign girls who seemed to have a huge shield just because I can sense she doesnt want me to talk to her (not liek it should ever stop any guy) but if you want to get approached be approachable

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post #29 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 02:23 PM
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You'll probably find one once you stop looking. It often happens that way.
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post #30 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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You'll probably find one once you stop looking. It often happens that way.
Now that's something that definitely doesn't work for guys, unfortunately...
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post #31 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 12:29 PM
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Yes, yes, we all know y'all think you have it worse, but unless you've successfully been both genders, your opinion don't mean a thing.
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post #32 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 12:39 PM
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what kinda sucks is that guys like confident girls and being as our SA makes us shy, i think guys tend to look past us. But I agree that once you stop looking is when you're probably going to find a bf. And getting to know someone on the internet would probably be a lot easier since there's no anxiety involved then when you meet, you already know them.

I think i'm just gonna join damn eharmony or something

As it is, I will always be a stranger who never feels at home, who does not really want and is not really wanted, who can never belong, who must always be a little in love with death -- Long Day's Journey into Night
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post #33 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 12:46 PM
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post #34 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 01:28 PM
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I think i'm just gonna join damn eharmony or something
Online dating does make things easier, but getting people to meet can be a drag at times.

I know you can see me. Bad guys always see me. My plans suck. People die. It's always a mess.
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post #35 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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I'm going to be 19 and I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know how long it will be till I do... Girls will talk to me, and every once in a while they will give me their number. But I never call them... I'm just too nervous. My two friends are always asking me why I'm not seeing anyone. I don't really have much of an excuse besides "I don't know" because they see girls talk to me. They'll ask if I called her and I'll just tell them I did and it didn't work out. or that our date didn't go well. In reality I never did. One time I saw the same girl again that gave me her number. I told her I lost it. She gave me it again and I still never called her. LOL. I sound so stupid I know. But the point is you could be as pathetic as me! So don't be down on yourself. Be positive. Positive personality is a good trate in woman. You'll find someone.
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post #36 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 02:14 PM
 
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She gave me it again and I still never called her. LOL. I sound so stupid I know. But the point is you could be as pathetic as me!
you really should call her, because it seems not everyone can get a girls number as easily as you can!
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post #37 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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you really should call her, because it seems not everyone can get a girls number as easily as you can!
It's not like it happens all the time... Anyway, I won't be calling anyone anytimes soon. Not likely at least. The last girl that I called to talk to asked if I was sick(cuz I sounded so nervous). I said no. there was a long pause. tryed to talk about something but couldn't think of anything. My mind was blank... I do that a lot when talking to anyone. Especiely on the phone. Because I feel that every word I say is going to be picked apart and examined. Even typing on these forums is hard...
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post #38 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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I know what you mean. Sometimes out of the blue it will occur to me that I've never even held hands with a guy and I'll have a short moment of terror. It helps a lot to read this though. In the past the few guys that asked me out I didn't really like anyway and the guys I really liked made me even more nervous. I only once asked a guy out. We were somewhat of friends and I felt comfortable enough to talk to him a bit and laugh at his jokes. Anyway of course he said no "Because it's you." He was nice about it but it's never a pleasant thing to hear that dating you seems unfathomable. Anyway, sorry if I'm rambling but it's just nice to get this off my chest.
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post #39 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 05:40 AM
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Originally Posted by KC-Blu-Eyez View Post
No boys show any interest in me expect older men who I have no interest in.
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The only guys that give me attention are creepy forty year olds.
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Originally Posted by jollybeans View Post
like no guy is interestd in me that is my age,only the olddddd guys that i have no interest in.
Yeah, I hear they're in season. Be very a-scared.
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post #40 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-21-2009, 06:11 AM
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This thread shows me the problem with people with SA. Caught up, stuck dwelling on negatives, believing you're unworthy and already written off any chances you have of ever meeting anyone.
What sort of attitude is that? There is only one possible outcome when you feel that way - failure!

Of course everyone is good enough and can meet someone they like if they have the right attitude. Develop your self image from an experience where you were judged positively or someone showed an interest in you because that is you. Forget the negative crap. Believe you are fantastic, aim to be the best you can, believe you are a fantastic person who people would be lucky to know. Once you start feeling positively about yourself your confidence will improve massively and you'll be more outgoing and people will see the real you.

Everyone has got to stop dwelling on the crap and any negative judgements or beliefs that they are not good enough, its absolute rubbish! No one is perfect, we all wish we could change something about ourselves, but people don't let that thing that they wish they could change define them or determine their self worth. We all have positives and qualities.

Aim to be the best person you can be - looks and personality, make your self image of yourself as a positive experience or nice comments you have received, they are more valid than any negative comments, because negative comments come from insensitive jerks who are either shallow, immature or have no brains. Nice comments come from people who are worth our time. And believe you are fantastic!
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