I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: My World
Gender: Female
Age: 29
Posts: 289

I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend.


=
KC-Blu-Eyez is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 04:55 PM
SAS Member
 
Grim619's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Upstate NY
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 164
Ask me to go out. I will say yes then we can break up.. There you go lol JK!

Yea though I kind of feel the same way people tell me I need A GF but I just don't think I can sustain A good relationship. The way I am seems almost opposite of what A real BF should be... I wouldn't call, I wouldn't like to go out that much,I have personal space issues, stuff like that. It's alright though I don't want to get into feeling like i'm failing at being A bf which is inevitable.

It can't rain all the time.
Grim619 is offline  
post #3 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 06:01 PM
The Shy Guy
 
Mr.Anon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewere in the USA
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 36
I'm in the same situation. I've been asked by relatives if I was gay, & at times they just assume I am since they don't see me checking out other girls. But the reason I don't is because its utterly depressing to know that im just too afraid to go up to that person & just ask for there number or something, so why bother to look & get my hopes up? I've always thought back when I was about 15 that some girl would deffinatly ask me out, right out of the blue... But it never happened... Im 19 now, still never gone out with anyone. & what the worst part about it is the fact that I have absolutly no dating experience what so ever, so if I ever DID go out with someone, they'd think I was weird or something was wrong with me because I've never dated & wouldn't know the first thing to say & I'd try to be coture, but i'd just come off as boring, but im not, im a really funny guy, but my nerves would get the best of me... Sure, someone can TELL me that "you do this & say that" but I wouldn't listen because I would be afraid of what they said, backfiring. I have that same depressing feeling of loneliness, when you just sit there & think of people you seen, or people you know but not very well, just wishing you could know them more, just to be able to hang out with that particular person. I for one don't have any friends whatsoever, & have been isolated completly, excluding the internet, because frankly, it is all I really have... I've done so good thus far without doing anything bad. Im not a punk, thief, or some drug addict. I've kept away from all of it in hopes that maybe I could find a nice girl that would really approve of me if I stayed away from it all, but apparently in this day & age, its "Cool" to do that stuff... Im sorry, but im not going to do something stupid, just to get a girl to like me, never will happen. Maybe this upcomming summer will be different, though I said the same thing in '08, but I could be lucky... Oh god, don't I hate SA.
Mr.Anon is offline  
 
post #4 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 06:51 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 50
I can relate to all of you guys too. I'm 18, and never had a boyfriend. There are times when I really dread to have a boyfriend, but I don't know is it because everybody else has a boyfriend or is it because I really want one. Most of my friends have boyfriends, and to be honest, it seems so difficult maintain a good relationship. Right now, I don't feel like I'm up for it. With my SA problem, I wouldn't know how to be a good gf..

But sometimes, I kind of just want somebody by my side, who will understand me and support me. But it's so hard to completely open up with someone.

lol, I feel somewhat relieved letting this all out, im so glad i found this site.
HoneyyDew is offline  
post #5 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 07:00 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 85
If someone wants to be my girlfriend im 22 and male and not gay.

I get asked if im gay alot too and it get really annoying.

So once again, any chicks interested just PM me and we will get to know each other.

Peace.
Bob Slydell is offline  
post #6 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 10:01 PM
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18
Man, I REALLY freaking hate it when relatives ask if I'm gay. Does me never having a gf mean that I like guys?

Seriously though, even if I were gay, wouldn't I be with a guy, instead of NOBODY?
Alphataru is offline  
post #7 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 12:16 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The Asia of America
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 96
You can try online dating...at least just for the experience of going on dates. Actually my friend met his girlfriend on Social Anxiety Friends....they are practically married after 3 months.
ecstasy is offline  
post #8 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 01:36 AM
SAS Member
 
victoriangirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Almost Europe
Gender: Female
Posts: 799
First of all, you should totally change your attitude towards this situation. You can complain and feel sad that you've never had a boyfriend, but this does NOT mean that you will never have a boyfriend.

I'm 30 now and I had my first boyfriend when I was 19 and I am speaking of real-life experiences.

It's very important to start with a positive attitude.

Nowadays, the society makes us feel like we should all be dating, having boyfriends at a very early age. And it does seem like all tv shows, movies, stories we hear around us confirm this. But this does not mean that you should have had a boyfriend by now (whatever your age). It can be related to SA but even without SA there are so many people out there who have never had a boyfriend or found someone they liked.

I am 100% sure that there were guys who had a crush on you at school. But somehow they never had the guts to approach you. This could be because you were shy or acted as if you were not interested or just too busy with other things in life to deal with them.

People are very different. Some fall in love very easily, some cannot justify their life without having a boyfriend, some people just don't fall in love or like someone very easily and some people find it hard to approach the opposite sex even when they are 100% attracted to them.

In my case I belong to the last 2 groups, so naturally it took me some time to like someone and approach this person. I have had many let-downs, disappointments, broken hearts before & after but you should really not give up and find out within yourself why you don't have a boyfriend (i.e. which category above you fall into) and accept it and work on it if necessary.

Also being in a relationship does not automatically mean that happiness will follow you. You should be first happy on your own, only than you can be happy together.

So everyone out here, please do not give up!!! You will all find your soulmates, I know it!
victoriangirl is offline  
post #9 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 09:36 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 158
yeah i only have 1 aunt that commented on me being gay. like wth just because im single dont mean anything. when i was young like 7-8th grade i had like 4 or 5 girlfriends but my SA was nothing like it is now. i havent had a girlfriend in about 5 years. im 18 now. when i was in high school people would walk up to me and tell me that this girl thought i was cute and blah blah blah and id just be like ok and walk away. i have no idea how to talk to girls
softconcrete is offline  
post #10 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 03:14 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Milwaukee, WI (BDSM sadist, Libertarian)
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 38,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC-Blu-Eyez View Post
I'm 18 I have time but EVERYONE has a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Everyone? I'm twice your age and have yet to have a GF. And lots of other SAS members have similar stories.

I also kind of curious how old are these "older men"? Does that mean a guy who's so old he can legally buy beer? Or all the way to 25 so he can rent a car?
UltraShy is offline  
post #11 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 04:07 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Boston
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC-Blu-Eyez View Post
I'm not trying to be depressing or anything I truly believe this. I've seen the ugliest of ugly people be in relationships and can find a boyfriend. No boys show any interest in me expect older men who I have no interest in. I get a few guys who look at me and talk to me if I'm with someone I know and that person knows them and they give a little "hi" and a few looks but nothing. I don't know if it's because I look so serious or what but no guys ever talk to me or anything. Could it be because I'm not approachable? How do you act approachable? I thought getting back into school would make me happier but I'm really not. I was thinking maybe it's because I need someone. My best friend who just a few weeks ago never had an actual boyfriend that you go out places with and doesn't do the whole boyfriend dating thing, this week tells me that she now has one and then said something about I just "need to go get a boyfriend" like out of the blue. How do you find happiness? I am never going to be happy with life. Yeah I know I'm 18 I have time but EVERYONE has a boyfriend or girlfriend. My mother already asked me if I was gay and most people probably think I am like everyone thinks it's so crazy when your aren't dating.
Hahahaha

I know how you're feeling, though. No one has ever dirctly asked me if I was a lesbian, but I've heard the comments around. I'm 19, I'm going to be 20 in May, and I still haven't had a boyfriend. It feels like it's never going to happen.
Hoppipolla is offline  
post #12 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 04:38 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC-Blu-Eyez View Post
I'm not trying to be depressing or anything I truly believe this. I've seen the ugliest of ugly people be in relationships and can find a boyfriend. No boys show any interest in me expect older men who I have no interest in. I get a few guys who look at me and talk to me if I'm with someone I know and that person knows them and they give a little "hi" and a few looks but nothing. I don't know if it's because I look so serious or what but no guys ever talk to me or anything. Could it be because I'm not approachable? How do you act approachable? I thought getting back into school would make me happier but I'm really not. I was thinking maybe it's because I need someone. My best friend who just a few weeks ago never had an actual boyfriend that you go out places with and doesn't do the whole boyfriend dating thing, this week tells me that she now has one and then said something about I just "need to go get a boyfriend" like out of the blue. How do you find happiness? I am never going to be happy with life. Yeah I know I'm 18 I have time but EVERYONE has a boyfriend or girlfriend. My mother already asked me if I was gay and most people probably think I am like everyone thinks it's so crazy when your aren't dating.
I'm 22, I've had a few boyfriends in my day. I know what it feels like though, that fear that you can't get one. I had my first boyfriend at nearly age 17, and honestly I had only started talking to males at that time, since for whatever reason I could not speak to them as a younger teen. Well, frankly, the only way I was able to do it was because he was very forward. I still never was. But if you are quiet you are often unapproachable. If you do not make the moves, often nobody else will either. It has nothing to do with how worthy you are of a boyfriend.

But honestly, I know many people who never dated/lost their virginity until their 20s. They are still pretty well adapted individuals. Believe me when I say that you have plenty of time. Don't force yourself into the situation, let it come naturally. When you meet a guy who happens to know how to penetrate into your social realm then you will have luck. I personally avoid guys who I wouldn't be able to feel totally at home with. I'm more fond of sameness than differences. A lot of relationships (especially at your age) are absolutely meaningless, empty things. For introverted people that is more harmful than helpful. Wait until you can have a very meaningful relationship. Just wait til all your friends have massive drama associated with their relationships. You will be laughing to yourself, in your own glory that you don't have to deal with that kind of pettiness!

I myself haven't had a boyfriend in over two years, and frankly, don't care! Now that I've been through relationships, I know that they are not worth jumping into carelessly, or just because it is deemed the thing to do. Don't get pressured by what seems socially normal. Relax, and enjoy your own company. Relationships are often not even worth the energy.
caithiggs is offline  
post #13 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-16-2009, 08:52 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 378
Much respect to you KC, I have often wondered what it would be like to live in a small town where everyone is in everyone else's business. And personally, I would not want to live! Actually, I try to be as chameleon-like as I can, because I don't like different attention. I can be very different because there is so much anonymity in the city. But if I lived in a smaller place, I don't even know what I'd do. The thought of it freaks me out. Can't handle people I'm not really in tune with being in my business.
caithiggs is offline  
post #14 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-17-2009, 08:28 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 51
I didn't get a gf until I was 31 and that's only because of the internet. She doesn't understand the whole SA thing so things are kind of on the rocks now.
shydirtbikeguy is offline  
post #15 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-17-2009, 01:02 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Germany
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 6,986
youll find someone
PlayerOffGames is offline  
post #16 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-17-2009, 01:13 PM
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,521
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyyDew View Post
I can relate to all of you guys too. I'm 18, and never had a boyfriend. There are times when I really dread to have a boyfriend, but I don't know is it because everybody else has a boyfriend or is it because I really want one. Most of my friends have boyfriends, and to be honest, it seems so difficult maintain a good relationship. Right now, I don't feel like I'm up for it. With my SA problem, I wouldn't know how to be a good gf..

But sometimes, I kind of just want somebody by my side, who will understand me and support me. But it's so hard to completely open up with someone.

lol, I feel somewhat relieved letting this all out, im so glad i found this site.
Yah, I know what you mean. Except I'm 22 and all so, what can I say I'm an old maid. I really want a boyfriend, but then I'm afraid it'll end up that I'm not good enough. And also I'm not sure how good I'd be at maintaining a relationship. It scares me that I'll never have one, but then I'm afraid of getting hurt if I do get one.
SadRosesAreBeautiful is offline  
post #17 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 07:11 AM
Starlight and moonbeams
 
DeeperUnderstanding's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Posts: 20,921
I'm 8 years older than you, but I can relate. I've never had a girlfriend. Girls have shown interest in me, but when my anxiety kicks in, they tend to lose interest.

I don't want to wake up as a 50 year old man, and never having kissed anyone. That's what scares me.



DeeperUnderstanding is offline  
post #18 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 08:25 AM
SAS Member
 
nightwalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: on a college campus
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 1,118
me too. i feel the same way...........

we're lonely.
nightwalker is offline  
post #19 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 09:47 AM
SAS Member
 
creativedissent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 313
i understand. i'm in the same situation. though for the time-being i'm not worried about it. i'm focusing on my studies. i'm actually confident that i will get one in the future.

i think the only reason you feel this way is because you assume that you'll never get one. you can't read the future. a year ago, i was totally consumed by SA. i never would have imagined i would have many friends a year later. have faith that your SA will get better if you work on it. and have faith that you probably will get a bf in the future.
creativedissent is offline  
post #20 of 163 (permalink) Old 01-18-2009, 10:57 AM
Monster
 
LostinReverie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Graveyard
Posts: 6,550
You have permission to join the club.
LostinReverie is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I.Want.A.Boyfriend. EagerMinnow84 Relationships 33 02-27-2008 05:30 AM
BOYFRIEND Benz88 Relationships 9 01-06-2008 11:29 AM
I have a boyfriend now Illini_Pride Triumphs Over Social Anxiety 7 12-07-2007 06:05 PM
Being a boyfriend vicente Relationships 23 07-28-2007 05:09 PM
BOYFRIEND Benz88 Frustration 1 12-31-1969 07:00 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome